You know what I’m talking about. The one you play on seeming infinite loop when you’re done pretending you want to have a good time and move on, and succumb to sitting alone, running the entire relationship through your mind, playing some sappy, terrible breakup song as the soundtrack. I need to know what that song is. And don’t try to sneak in a good song. I am very serious when I say “terrible” and “sappy,” with emphasis on sappy, and on terrible, but especially sappy. “Well ‘When Your Lover Has Gone’ is a heart-wrenching song that really connects with–” NO! No good songs.
Mine is Simply Red’s “Holding Back the Years.” This is not a place of judgment; this is a place of compassion and sharing.
I had a fight with a long-term girlfriend on a weekend home from college. It was one of those fights where you really couldn’t step back from stuff that had been said, you KNEW things were over between you, even if they were unresolved. The breakup WAS the fight, all that was left was the…paperwork, so to speak…and then and had to drive back to school (about 4 hours) at night, in a thunderstorm. and Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse Of the Heart” came on.
I don’t care how silly the video was, I don’t care how hyper-over-dramatic and angsty the lyrics are*, that is my go-to break-up song. I don’t know if it counts as good or not. The tune is great, the lyrics are over-the-top drama, but…evocative…maybe if it were sung to a guitar and a piano as opposed to a 100 piece orchestra better suited for Wagnarian opera by someone who can put more feeling than “LET’S BE LOUD!” into it it would be a good song. But the Tyler-version? Not so much.
*Although, I gotta admit, “I don’t know what to do/I’m always in the dark/We’re livin’ in a powderkeg/and givin’ off sparks” pretty much described my feelings right then, perfectly.
The back story here is that, though I had a lot of girlfriends over the years and I’m on my third marriage, there was only one who ever broke my heart. I walked away from my life up to that point to be with her. I should note that this was in the mid-to-late 90’s and we were both professionals nearing 40, not "teenagers in love.
So, the next several steps involved a divorce from my first wife, being threatened with a sawed-off by my new love’s ex, losing all my friends because my ex got custody of them, and just all manner of drama.
the next few years were, easily, the best of my life. I won’t bore you with details except to note that we both liked 80’s music. She liked “I ain’t missing you” and I used to tease her for liking such a drippy song.
At the time, I did part-timework as a deputy sheriff. I was away on that business one weekend and when I got back she had moved out. I’ve never seen her again. She did not leave a note or otherwise ever give me any explanation. A couple years ago, a mutual acquaintance told me she married a guy the same age as her father and that they live about 30 miles away. He suggested I make contact with her. I never did, there was no good outcome of it that i could see.
when I hear, “I Ain’t Missing You” it reminds me of her and I lose some of the bounce in my step. I still think it is a drippy song, though.
Randy Newman’s “Just One Smile,” though it’s hard to find, so I usually go with Blood Sweat and Tears’s version. Gene Pitney or Dusty Springfield would also work.
My first thought is Don’t Speak. Got every cliche in the book, but there’s nothing like it for belting out pain over a break up. When it’s a romantic heartbreak, this is my go to catharsis.
Me second thought was Calling All Angels (the Jane Siberry one). Anguish, but also the ray of hope theme going on, and another fun one to sing along with. The concert memory I treasure most was hearing this live and singing along through streaming tears.
But then I read the thread, and Hallelujah is a way better answer.