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  #1  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:23 AM
monstro monstro is offline
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Only a few people show up for your party. Do you feel more sad or mad?

I don't know how to do a poll. Just pretend that this is one.

(In this hypothetical, everyone RSVP'd. So this is not a case of people saying they were going to come and then flaking out.)
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  #2  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:29 AM
sandra_nz sandra_nz is offline
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If everyone had RSVP'd then I would have cancelled the party or changed the scope. I'd feel sad, not mad.
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  #3  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:41 AM
AK84 AK84 is offline
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Embarrassed.
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  #4  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:42 AM
IvoryTowerDenizen IvoryTowerDenizen is offline
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Originally Posted by AK84 View Post
Embarrassed.
This. And sad.
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  #5  
Old 05-20-2012, 10:28 AM
monstro monstro is offline
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Originally Posted by sandra_nz View Post
If everyone had RSVP'd then I would have cancelled the party or changed the scope. I'd feel sad, not mad.
This sounds wise, but I don't know how this would have worked out.

This isn't exactly a hypothetical. Yesterday I attended a bridal shower for a coworker. I've never been to one before, and I figured the turn-out was decent (five attendees), though a bit strange. None of us seemed that particularly close to the bride-to-be. I'm just a coworker (I'm friendly enough with the girl, but we aren't that close.) One guest was a coworker tag-along of an invited one. One was an aunt. The other was an old roomate from college days, who I could tell didn't know anything about the recent happenings in the bride's life. Indeed, the other friend (the one with the tag-along) didn't seem that close to the bride either. Only the hostess, the maid of honor, seemed to know the bride-to-be well to qualify as "friend" material.

Every time the bride-to-be left the room, the maid of honor kept bashing the other people who had declined to come. It made me feel uncomfortable since I hadn't really wanted to come either. I came only because the bride-to-be had asked me if I was going to come in that baby squeaky voice that she sometimes pulls out right before crying. I actually had a practical reason for not wanting to go: having no car, it required me to rent one and then drive an hour out into the country. But I did it because I'm actively trying to be a nicer, more sociable person. And I also didn't want to deal with the emotional fall-out at work (it has happened before between this individual and me...and I just don't have the tolerance for it).

So with the hostess continually bashing the people who didn't come and the bride-to-be repeatedly thanking us for coming, I realized that a much bigger, fancier affair had been anticipated. I thought the party was fine for what it was (a simple thing for acquaintances and not-so-close friends), but I could tell, based on the games that the hostess had given us to play, that we were all supposed to know more about the bride-to-be than what was the case.

When I stood up to leave, the hostess really put the works on me to get me to stay (I had been there for five hours!). She kind of pushed me towards unintentionally rudeness when she asked what else I had planned to do for the day and I said "the rest of my Saturday." So that note of desperation, from a woman that didn't know me from Eve, left a bad taste in my mouth.

I don't know what cancelling would have accomplished except for making the bride-to-be distraught about her social circle.

The anger of the hostess made me wonder how I would feel if I were in this situation.
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  #6  
Old 05-20-2012, 10:35 AM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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Originally Posted by monstro View Post
I don't know how to do a poll. Just pretend that this is one.

(In this hypothetical, everyone RSVP'd. So this is not a case of people saying they were going to come and then flaking out.)
Just to be clear, did most people RSVP in the negative? So they new in advance that the party would be sparsely attended?
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  #7  
Old 05-20-2012, 10:36 AM
monstro monstro is offline
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Originally Posted by John Mace View Post
Just to be clear, did most people RSVP in the negative? So they new in advance that the party would be sparsely attended?
Yes.
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  #8  
Old 05-20-2012, 10:36 AM
Antigen Antigen is offline
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I would be crushed.

It's happened before.
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  #9  
Old 05-20-2012, 10:42 AM
CatherineZeta CatherineZeta is offline
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I guess it depends on the situation. The bridal shower monstro described certainly sounds not only awkward for the guests, but I can imagine the bride being devastated that her close friends declined to show up. Unless she doesn't have any and that's why monstro and the other guest were pressured to be there and to stay when they wanted to go.

On the other hand, only 3 people I invited to my birthday this year were able to make it (ended up with a 4th person though as my friend's boyfriend who rarely socializes with us decided to come out) because my birthday happened to fall on Easter weekend and everyone else had plans with their family. It wasn't a big deal though, I'd invited less than 10 people in the first place and we had a nice time just sitting around chatting.
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  #10  
Old 05-20-2012, 10:54 AM
sugar and spice sugar and spice is offline
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Before I read your last reply my thought was "Neither, I would just have a nice small party with the people who made it." The alternative is to be upset, and while it might be nice to wallow in self-pity for a while, you can always do that before or after your smaller-than-expected party and still have a fun night of hosting some friends.

So regarding this shower, yeah the hostess was not really helping things. I might guess there was some "bridal party drama" behind this, maybe the maid of honor dropped the ball on inviting people in a timely manner. Or maybe the bride to be just doesn't have that many female friends, which is fine if you're okay with it but she's realizing that she's not okay with it now that she's getting married. Or who knows. But I don't necessarily think the situation is bound for disappointment unless expectations are set really high already (and sounds like they were in this case).
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  #11  
Old 05-20-2012, 11:01 AM
Baracus Baracus is offline
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Originally Posted by monstro View Post
(I had been there for five hours!).
I wonder if some of the other invitees declined knowing what kind of epic event this was going to be.
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  #12  
Old 05-20-2012, 11:09 AM
sandra_nz sandra_nz is offline
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Ouch, very awkward situation for everyone. That was nice of you to (a) go and (b) stay five hours.

Did the party organiser give any indication as to why the bride's friends couldn't come? It seems a weird situation all round - not everyone has a large group of friends but then you don't organise a big party if you don't. Is it possible the party organiser was more into the whole 'wedding shower' thing than the bride?
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  #13  
Old 05-20-2012, 11:10 AM
monstro monstro is offline
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Originally Posted by sugar and spice View Post
Before I read your last reply my thought was "Neither, I would just have a nice small party with the people who made it." The alternative is to be upset, and while it might be nice to wallow in self-pity for a while, you can always do that before or after your smaller-than-expected party and still have a fun night of hosting some friends.

So regarding this shower, yeah the hostess was not really helping things. I might guess there was some "bridal party drama" behind this, maybe the maid of honor dropped the ball on inviting people in a timely manner. Or maybe the bride to be just doesn't have that many female friends, which is fine if you're okay with it but she's realizing that she's not okay with it now that she's getting married. Or who knows. But I don't necessarily think the situation is bound for disappointment unless expectations are set really high already (and sounds like they were in this case).
I think the timing and the setting (out in the middle of bumfuck) may have played a part. But only a tinsy one. I think it may be that the bride-to-be just doesn't have many close friends and it is quite possible the hostess didn't realize it.
During one of her rant sessions, she said something like, "Unless you've got something really important to do, there's no excuse not to come." Well, of course I disagree with this! If you don't know someone very well or you don't like a person, you shouldn't feel obligated to go to their bridal shower. It already takes a special person to want to go to one of those things anyway, I've discovered.
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  #14  
Old 05-20-2012, 11:13 AM
you with the face you with the face is offline
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If most of the invitees had declined in advance, I'd be mad. But only at myself for not canceling the party. None of this should have been any surprise.
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  #15  
Old 05-20-2012, 11:14 AM
hajario hajario is offline
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Santa Barbara has a big summer festival every year and only a few days before the event, one co-worker, who was a sometimes social friend outside of work, planned a gathering at his apartment beforehand. He emailed a bunch of us but most of us had plans already. I promptly emailed back that my sister and her husband were visiting that weekend and my wife and I wouldn't be able to make it for logistical reasons. Then he reminded me about it again a couple of days before and I told him that I already emailed him and that I had previous plans.

He was seriously pissed off at me. As it turned out, most of the people couldn't or didn't want to go. He sent this really pissy email saying how he thought that he needed to find some new friends. The guy definitely had issues but what a bizarre reaction.

Good on you, monstro for going. I wonder if the maid of honor manipulated the bride to be into having a party that she didn't really want and that was part of the bitterness. The MOH maybe resented that she put all of this work into the party and the B2B didn't make enough of an effort to make it a big bash.
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  #16  
Old 05-20-2012, 11:25 AM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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I guess I can see two courses of action: If genuinely good friends can't make it because of legit reasons, then it would make sense to reschedule. It's not like it was a surprise party.

But if the bride's friends just can't be bothered, then best to make lemonade. Have a good time with the few people who did show up. I'm not veteran of bridal showers, but 5 hours seem long enough, no?
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  #17  
Old 05-20-2012, 12:14 PM
Arrendajo Arrendajo is offline
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5 hours is about 3 hours longer than I'm willing to spend at a party of that nature. I spend only about 5 hours at my own parties, fer gosh sakes. So you have earned yourself a dispensation, Monstro.
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  #18  
Old 05-20-2012, 12:21 PM
Taomist Taomist is offline
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Wow, sounds like the hostess might have been the reason people didn't come, not the bride.
And some people are just like that; I am SO not a girly-girl, and recently worked in a place that was ALL WOMEN, and ALL DRAMA, ALL THE TIME. Someone with sensitive feelings could easily get them hurt in an atmosphere like that, but it doesn't sound like the hostess is one of THOSE people, rather the kind that makes everything about HER and takes everything personally no matter what. Hopefully the bride has more sense than that
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  #19  
Old 05-20-2012, 12:45 PM
monstro monstro is offline
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Originally Posted by hajario View Post
S
Good on you, monstro for going. I wonder if the maid of honor manipulated the bride to be into having a party that she didn't really want and that was part of the bitterness. The MOH maybe resented that she put all of this work into the party and the B2B didn't make enough of an effort to make it a big bash.
I don't think it can be blamed all on the MOH. The bride-to-be has been a 24/7 wedding drama queen for the past six months. She definitely wanted a shower, just like she wants a fabulously expensive wedding to complain about all the time. She wasn't pressured into having anything!

I'm thinking the MOH knows that this wedding is a big deal and, being a good friend, wanted to do her part in hosting a big event. The problem is that the bride-to-be doesn't have the social circle to pull off a "dream" bridal shower (or wedding, for that matter). The MOH doesn't realize that the bride-to-be's friends are not as close to her as she is with the B2B...which I think is kind of strange. If you are best friends with someone, don't you know who their friends are? Not just because they talk about them, but because you'd have met each other at social functions (birthday parties, girls-nights-out, etc.) before? I dunno. It seems like it would be this way to me, but I'm far from an expert on these matters.

Another sign of cluelessness...the MOH repeatedly suggested that on the night before the wedding, we all throw the bride a bacherolette party. There was quiet in the room when she brought this up. I will go to the wedding, but a bacherolette party? No. No matter how many squeaky baby voice pleadings I have to here, I am not going to that. And I will not even make up an excuse either. They need to reevaulate this idea if they want to avoid future disappointment.

Last edited by monstro; 05-20-2012 at 12:46 PM..
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  #20  
Old 05-20-2012, 12:48 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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Originally Posted by John Mace View Post
I guess I can see two courses of action: If genuinely good friends can't make it because of legit reasons, then it would make sense to reschedule. It's not like it was a surprise party.

But if the bride's friends just can't be bothered, then best to make lemonade. Have a good time with the few people who did show up. I'm not veteran of bridal showers, but 5 hours seem long enough, no?
This makes sense. Doesn't seem like it's worth getting sad or mad about it all. Among other things, it's really the bride that should care. But this seems to be about the best maid and her way of dealing with it. Maybe her attitude was the reason a lot of people didn't show up.

Of course I don't know anything about bridal showers, just bachelor parties. If people don't show for those, I just think, "Great! More hookers and blow for me."
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  #21  
Old 05-20-2012, 03:23 PM
gracer gracer is offline
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I think it depends per person and per reason they're not coming, it doesn't really work as an overall thing. When my SO and I celebrated our 10 yr anniversary with a huge party, there were family members who called my mum to ask if it was an engagement party, by any chance. As it wasn't they didn't deem it important enough to come. I asked my mum to make it extra clear (it should've been anyway) that there would be no engagement party, no wedding, ever. That was it. That was the celebration of our love. They didn't think it was important enough.

That annoyed me. Not really sad or angry, just annoyed. The fact that marriage is more legit to them than spending ten happy years together and wanting to celebrate that with the people you love. Oh well.

Other people couldn't make it because they were in Peru and stuff. No prob.

Monstro's situation sounds utterly bizar, and very uncomfortable. I do feel terribly sad for the bride. It sounds like maybe she just hasn't managed to build up the circle of friends that she really wants. Monstro Medal for attending uncomfortable social events!
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  #22  
Old 05-20-2012, 06:04 PM
Zjestika Zjestika is offline
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My baby shower thrown by a friend was weirdly attended. Everyone but one couple came but I don't think the guests realised that a shower is different from a party and most of our friends arrived over an hour after the start time. For a while there when it was just me, my husband, the friend who threw the shower and one other friend I was pretty sad and embarrassed. Eventually everyone who RSVPed showed up, but it was awful there for a little while.
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  #23  
Old 05-20-2012, 07:02 PM
monstro monstro is offline
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Originally Posted by Zjestika View Post
My baby shower thrown by a friend was weirdly attended. Everyone but one couple came but I don't think the guests realised that a shower is different from a party and most of our friends arrived over an hour after the start time. For a while there when it was just me, my husband, the friend who threw the shower and one other friend I was pretty sad and embarrassed. Eventually everyone who RSVPed showed up, but it was awful there for a little while.
*embarrassed*

I showed up an hour late. And two other guests arrived after me. No wonder the bride-to-be was hovering on the porch when I showed up.

I would have preferred a regular party. I didn't particularly care for the silly games. Is that why we were supposed to show up on time? I think I would have suspended that part given the low turn-out.
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  #24  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:04 PM
Rachellelogram Rachellelogram is offline
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I don't throw parties for myself, so this never comes up. At the most, my mom will invite various family members to my birthday party, but that's only been a couple times since I turned 18. And that's not an official RSVP type of event, it's just whoever wants to show up and eat cake. I'm not a big party-type.
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  #25  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:20 PM
Zjestika Zjestika is offline
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Originally Posted by monstro View Post
*embarrassed*

I showed up an hour late. And two other guests arrived after me. No wonder the bride-to-be was hovering on the porch when I showed up.

I would have preferred a regular party. I didn't particularly care for the silly games. Is that why we were supposed to show up on time? I think I would have suspended that part given the low turn-out.
A shower is more like a dinner party or a child's birthday than a regular party. There's structure in that there's usually games and food and gift opening, and a time that the party loosely ends, like it'll be from 2-6pm or something. I don't really fault people for not getting that though. I'm the first in my group of friends to have a baby. My family shower had everyone arriving within a half hour of the start time, most really close to it. It's just something that comes with experience.
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  #26  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:37 PM
Scholar Beardpig Scholar Beardpig is offline
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It would hurt my feelings a great deal if they said they weren't coming. I'd be mostly sad.

But if enough people said that they would come, if they RSVP'd in the positive and then didn't show, I'd be furious. It's one of my pet peeves.
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  #27  
Old 05-20-2012, 10:56 PM
Ulfreida Ulfreida is offline
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I'd be relieved. I'd have a clean house and all this great food and peace and quiet. Maybe one or two friends to share it with. Sounds perfect.
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  #28  
Old 05-21-2012, 12:14 AM
Electric Warrior Electric Warrior is offline
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Have an awesome party with my friends! This has happened to me a few times because I have a lot of friends who don't plan ahead very well, and often things will come up last-minute. Since in this situation, they actually did RSVP that they weren't attending, then I know I can scale down the party, and I really won't complain since I prefer small groups anyway.

EDIT: And monstro, in your situation I would view the hostess of the party as a little bit neurotic. Some people just aren't comfortable with being flexible with their plans, and will get really upset if people don't do exactly what they want and they don't get the event they dreamed of (which they did down to the last detail). It sounds like maybe that's what was going on.

Last edited by Electric Warrior; 05-21-2012 at 12:16 AM..
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  #29  
Old 05-21-2012, 02:27 AM
RandMcnally RandMcnally is offline
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I'd be sad. A few months ago I planned a game night at my place with a bunch of friends. I had given weeks notice with everyone RSVP'ing at least three weeks in advance.

Ten minutes before start time one friend called and asked if he could bring his roommate, while every one else canceled, or said they would be late and ended up not showing.

Thank heavens my friend came with his roommate. We were able to have a fun time. I just know now who to mark in the "flake" column and not put any effort into events.
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  #30  
Old 05-21-2012, 07:02 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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I've twice given parties to which no one showed up.


I was sad.
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  #31  
Old 05-21-2012, 07:34 AM
Scarlett67 Scarlett67 is offline
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I think this is a trick question. If I were having a party for which every invited person RSVP'd, I would realize that I was dreaming and wake myself up.

I encounter this every year when I host my Christmas open house. One especially bad year, I got very few RSVPs, and some of the people who said "Yes" didn't come. I ended up with a bunch of party food (much of it homemade) left over to remind me of being stood up. It really hurt my feelings: that my "friends" ignored my invitation or didn't bother to show up when they said they would. To me, it meant that they don't value my friendship. Fortunately I had a whole year to get over it (and it pretty much took that long), and I threw the party again the next year and it was much better.

I don't mind scaling back if I'm expecting only a few people. It's the lack of response that galls me. I've started cutting people who don't RSVP.
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  #32  
Old 05-21-2012, 07:36 AM
not what you'd expect not what you'd expect is offline
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I'd probably feel sad for awhile and then mad and then sad again. I'm sure I'd have some self-pity for a bit too.

It was nice of you to go Monstro.
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  #33  
Old 05-21-2012, 07:50 AM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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I think I would certainly reevaluate some friendships.


The thing is, how many people show up sort of depends on a number of things:

- How frequently do you actually do stuff with these people? People are more inclined to do stuff with people they always do stuff with.
- How social are your friends? i.e. are they "how do parties work people"?
- How busy are their lives? If all your friends are travelling salesmen with families, their is a very real likelihood they won't show up.
- Are you competing with other events or parties? i.e., is your party one of many St Patrick's Day parties being thrown?
- Are your friends a "clique" (everyone knows everyone) or a random assortment of unconnected people you don't know. That can work both ways. 20 randoms will show up independently of each other while a clique of people may tend to be an all or nothing thing.
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  #34  
Old 05-21-2012, 09:40 AM
Barkis is Willin' Barkis is Willin' is offline
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When planning a party, I would assume the guest of honor would have a close inner circle of friends that she could run a few ideas by to get a feel for when/where works best. Get a few soft commitments, then send invitations.

If there is no close inner circle, things can get mightly awkward. I used to work with a guy who was a real jerk. When he asked another coworker and me to go his bachelor party, we both made excuses not to attend. Afterwards, he admitted that his bachelor party consisted of him and his brother. And that's it. Now, that's embarrassing. I wouldn't even have admitted that.
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  #35  
Old 05-21-2012, 10:06 AM
ShelliBean ShelliBean is offline
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I wonder if the MOH's attitude was, while not really nice, more of a poor outward manifestation of "oh shit this party sucks and the bride has been a freaking bridezilla for six months and she's going to blame this on me and I'm embarrassed for her and oh shit oh shit oh shit why does she not have any friends?" and the unlucky ones that did show up bore the brunt of her anxiety.

I mean - you gotta think that if she grated your nerves enough with her pitiful squeakiness to show up in the middle of nowhere for her shower, imagine what she's doing to her MOH.

Now, I would comment that you should have been there at start time like others have said but (1) you obviously didn't know and do know now and (2) there is a beginning and end to showers and in my experience it's not FIVE FUCKING HOURS. That's insane. If my best friend were getting married I'd tell her to cut it off at two hours. You hit the door, have snacky foods and punch, some champagne and vodka if you're lucky, open some gifts while the MOH or mother of the bride writes who and what for thank you cards later, play a game (but that is becoming optional I think) and boom, out the door. Five hours for a shower for a coworker you aren't particularly close to? That's a social purple heart if I ever saw one.
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  #36  
Old 05-21-2012, 10:20 AM
overlyverbose overlyverbose is offline
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I'd be embarrassed. If people had responded that they were coming, I'd also be pissed.

The maid of honor made things that much more crappy by constantly harping on the lack of attendees, which is really shitty. She should've distracted the bride from the fact that no one showed up instead of constantly highlighting it by bashing the people who didn't come.

Since it was so far away, maybe the other attendees simply didn't want to drive that far. I always assumed that, as the hostess, part of your job is to make sure it's convenient for people to come. If it's a house party, that's one thing. But if you're hostessing a bridal party or baby shower, shouldn't you plan it in a more central location?
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  #37  
Old 05-21-2012, 10:51 AM
kayaker kayaker is offline
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I had a get together two weeks before my 40th birthday. It was not a bd party, just an excuse to drink. I invited too many people (intentionally) and kept it very informal. No RSVP required, bring a friend if you like, that sort of party.

I made a ton of food and bought 8 cases of beer, which were all iced and ready to go. A neighbor showed up, but nobody else.

I was pretty sad.Then,about 45 minutes into the "party" everybody showed up en masse. My idiot friends decided to make it a surprise birthday celebration, and it took time for all the cars to meet in a nearby parking lot to organize the SURPRISE.
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  #38  
Old 05-21-2012, 11:51 AM
Sister Vigilante Sister Vigilante is offline
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I once threw a party to which no one came.

I was furious. Haven't thrown one since. That was over 15 years ago.
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  #39  
Old 05-21-2012, 01:33 PM
PunditLisa PunditLisa is offline
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
I was pretty sad.Then,about 45 minutes into the "party" everybody showed up en masse. My idiot friends decided to make it a surprise birthday celebration, and it took time for all the cars to meet in a nearby parking lot to organize the SURPRISE.
That was pretty shitty.

When someone at work celebrates an occasion warranting a shower or party, we always have it at lunch time or an hour before the end of the day. One time we all met at a nearby restaurant right after work. Only if I was friends with the people outside of work would I host something at my home.

If you're going to host a party for co-workers, it's important that you make it super convenient for them. Having to rent a car (!), give up a weekend, or driving an hour away is going to lose most invitees. Sorry, but that's the difference between co-workers with whom you're friendly and friends.
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  #40  
Old 05-21-2012, 01:58 PM
Anaamika Anaamika is offline
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The thing is, the majority of people are big old flakes. I've learned this, and I learned it so early that I almost never entertain, except for very very small gatherings.
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  #41  
Old 05-21-2012, 02:17 PM
Blaster Master Blaster Master is offline
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Last real party I through was a little over 5 years ago and I think everyone who RSVP'd showed up and even had a couple last minute invites. If people hadn't shown up, I think the best word to describe it would have been just disappointed since it would have meant people that I loved and trusted and wanted to spend time with didn't follow through and I'd have had to have reevaluated a lot of friendships.

Overall, I don't really do parties, I'm not big on social gatherings, so when I do invite people it's usually a short notice thing or I'm actually kind of relieved when there's fewer people there.
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  #42  
Old 05-21-2012, 03:47 PM
BlinkingDuck BlinkingDuck is offline
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In my 20's I had a friend who invited many people from his new job to a party and no-one showed up. Other friends and I thought this would happen and even tried to prep him for it...but he didn't get the idea.

He was crushed. His upbeat, optimistic personality tanked for WEEKS.
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  #43  
Old 05-21-2012, 03:49 PM
diggerwam diggerwam is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
I was crushed. But on the other hand these were open house type situations. No start and no end time just show up when u can. Nobody could find the time. Once my birthday in august for a cookout and once Xmas eve during the day.
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  #44  
Old 05-21-2012, 03:51 PM
monstro monstro is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by PunditLisa View Post
That was pretty shitty.

When someone at work celebrates an occasion warranting a shower or party, we always have it at lunch time or an hour before the end of the day. One time we all met at a nearby restaurant right after work. Only if I was friends with the people outside of work would I host something at my home.

If you're going to host a party for co-workers, it's important that you make it super convenient for them. Having to rent a car (!), give up a weekend, or driving an hour away is going to lose most invitees. Sorry, but that's the difference between co-workers with whom you're friendly and friends.
Well, to be fair, she did not ask me to rent a car. She didn't offer me a ride out there, but I would not have taken it even if she had. I like being able to come and go as I please.

One day I'll grow the ovaries not to fret about things like this. Admission time: I went because I actively keep myself from socializing with this co-worker, and I'm always wracked with guilt over it. I'm always telling her "no" and throwing out not-so-subtle hints that our friendly relationship is workplace-only. A huge part of it is just me and my iron-clad boundaries. But it's also her personality that just drives me bananas. I've made her cry a couple of times because she pushes buttons I didn't even know I had. But she is nice to me and I think that counts for something. I don't think I deserve a medal for going to her shower. Sometimes doing stuff like that is just part of being a functional member of society.

I think the shower should have been in the city, where all the attendees (including the bride-to-be) live. At the very least, the venue should have moved when all the RSVPs came in and the hostess saw how far all of the guests would have been traveling. But I can also see her point-of-view. Maybe it's considered tacky to have the shower at the bride-2-be's house, and no one in her family wanted to open up their house? If that's the case, where else are you gonna have it except for the maid-of-honor's place? Like most things, I can see both sides.
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  #45  
Old 05-21-2012, 03:57 PM
BigT BigT is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Without telling me? Probably mad. If they can at least call during the party to tell me they can't make it, not so much.

Then again, the only "parties" I ever threw were birthday parties, and everyone always showed up. My only real experience is with people flaking out in one on one encounters.
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  #46  
Old 05-21-2012, 04:42 PM
The Devil's Grandmother The Devil's Grandmother is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by monstro View Post
I showed up an hour late. And two other guests arrived after me. No wonder the bride-to-be was hovering on the porch when I showed up.
So there were five people at the party and there of them were more than a hour late? If I'd been the hostess or the honoree, I'd have been embarrassed, sad, and furious by turns. But even admitting that, the hostess's comment about how there's no excuse to decline an invitation would have pissed me right off.
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  #47  
Old 05-21-2012, 05:47 PM
monstro monstro is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2002
I didn't know that so few people would show up. I was thinking I'd just stroll in under the radar...especially since I figured all the guests would know each other and I'd be the off-in-the-corner coworker, quietly observing things.

So now I know shower <> party. How did I get to be so old and not know this?! *lameness*
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  #48  
Old 05-21-2012, 09:25 PM
overlyverbose overlyverbose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monstro View Post
I think the shower should have been in the city, where all the attendees (including the bride-to-be) live. At the very least, the venue should have moved when all the RSVPs came in and the hostess saw how far all of the guests would have been traveling. But I can also see her point-of-view. Maybe it's considered tacky to have the shower at the bride-2-be's house, and no one in her family wanted to open up their house? If that's the case, where else are you gonna have it except for the maid-of-honor's place? Like most things, I can see both sides.
In my experience, if the maid-of-honor doesn't live in a convenient place to have the shower and a restaurant is too expensive, it's perfectly acceptable for her to team up with one of the bride's close friends or family members to find a better, more convenient location, whether that's the bride's/groom's family's house, the friend's house or a restaurant. I guess it just depends on the bride's relationships and her maid of honor's comfort level with asking relative strangers for help.

That blows that so few people showed up, but the maid of honor made things lots worse. And for what it's worth, I don't often consider bridal and baby showers to be standard parties. They're usually kinda like kids' parties - they start on time, run for about two hours, then everyone takes off. Of course, some showers are more relaxed and it depends on your friends. My mom was a stickler for protocol at my bridal and baby showers, which made things kind of awkward since my friends (who had showed up on time, but didn't leave "on schedule") stuck around for about 5 hours.
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  #49  
Old 05-22-2012, 08:22 AM
highrollinwooded highrollinwooded is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Only have had 2 parties/get togethers...one was our wedding reception that we had at our house in the backyard, and the other was my mothers memorial service after she passed. The right amount of people attended our reception, but at the memorial service I expected many more people would have attended.Quite a few of her coworkers showed up, as did our neighbors, but people that I have worked with for years, that all knew my mother well, never showed up. I was very disappointed, and still am to be quite honest about it. They send one person as the "spokesperson". I found it very lame, as our employer would have let those that were working leave work to attend. So sad and mad is my answer....
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  #50  
Old 05-22-2012, 09:23 AM
Enderw24 Enderw24 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: KC. MO -094 35.3 39 4.9
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My wife and I had a wine party a few weeks ago. Our plan was to invite 5 couples (12 people total). We'd planned it out so that we had a good mix of people that didn't all know each other and could really mingle and have fun.
Of the initial 10 invited, only 4 said they could come. The rest had plans that night. No problem. We had a "B" list just for this eventuality.
No one on the B list could come. Crap.

So now we'd planned a 12 person party and 6 people would be there. At this point I'm debating whether to scrap the whole thing. It would be rude to our 4 guests but what fun would it be to have such a small party?

Well turns out it was a lot of fun. We said fuck it. We had a six people and we got drunk and had a great time. Party was supposed to last about two hours and ran for three. The rest of our guest list missed out.
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