I have a feeling this is not going to go well...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

It’s my 22nd birthday next week. Not a special age or anything, but I figured it was a good excuse to try to get all/most of my good friends in one place for dinner and beers. I chose one of my favorite STL restaurants, Cicero’s, because it’s pretty centrally located, good food, tons of beer, and the street it is on has a lot of other bars in case we decide to barhop after.

I invited a good number of people figuring most wouldn’t come, because that is how my friends work. Invite 20 to something, maybe 8 show up. Status quo.

This time, when I invited people, there were only about 6 I knew for sure would come. Those included the boyfriend that will be driving me and my brother and his girlfriend who happens to be one of my best friends too, and my two other closest friends. The rest I figured would not come for various reasons. Even on my 21st at the same place only about 7 showed up.

I just made a reservation for 15 people (and it should have been 16 but apparently I can’t count) for Saturday night at 8pm. :eek:

When I called for a reservation, they told me 3/4 of my party had to be there before 8:15 or they wouldn’t seat us and we’d lose the tables. That’s fair, it’s a Saturday night, busy place.

I know my friends. The only people I can really count on being on time are the 6 I knew would come for sure originally, and 2 more that just RSVPed an hour ago, and who I told it was VERY important to be on time since she is usually late to everything.

So now I’m sending Facebook messages, texts and phone calls to the more unreliable of the bunch to make sure they are really coming and if they can promise to be early. At this moment I can only count on about 8 to be there and be on time.
That’s not enough to get the tables.

Later tonight hopefully I will have gotten in contact with the remaining people to double check their commitment to this. The restaurant will be calling me sometime tomorrow to double-check my reservation. If people bail it won’t bother me, I just want to know now so I don’t look like a jackass in my favorite restaurant.

I should have made someone else plan this…it’s stressful kinda. My birthdays usually end up sucking for some reason (illness, etc), and each year I try to have a decent one. I hate being the center of attention (seriously, I feel uncomfortable), but I use my birthday as a reason to get friends together that don’t see each other much anymore. And people are more likely to try to come if it’s for someone’s birthday or something.

Wish me luck that my friends will check Facebook or their voicemails and get back to me ASAP. Just wanna have a fun night…

Anyone have any botched party/planning woes/related stories to share?

2

I feel for you.

I was going to post about this when it happened, but I just couldn’t whack up the ginger. About 5 years ago, I started hosting a Christmas Eve Day open house, “from noon until we hear sleighbells.” I got the idea from an online acquaintance who said she used to do it when she lived alone and had a lot of friends without family nearby. She’d have a pot of something on the stove, some beverages and desserts and whatever, and put out the word. Sometimes she’d have 20 people, sometimes 2. But it was always fun.

The idea intrigued me because Mr. S and I are kind of in the same boat. Neither of our families have the big gathering, for various logistical and dysfunctional reasons, and it was getting kind of old with just the two of us on holidays. Also we had friends in similar situations. So I decided to go for it, and have a reason to use all the nice dishes I’ve inherited and the fancy hors d’oeuvre recipes I never get a chance to make.

So I’ve been doing it about 5 years now, and every year is different. The invites say that people are welcome to stop in and say hello, or stay for the day, and they do both. The first year was an absolute zoo, and I LOVED it. Second year was more low-key, but also fun, as we got to spend more time talking with fewer people. A couple of years we’ve had people blow in at 8 pm and stay till midnight. And so on.

But last year . . . six people. Mr. S’s brother and wife, who live next door, but are on the elderly side and pretty quiet; they stayed about an hour, talking in the dining room while I played board games and yakked in the living room with four of my college friends, two of whom were able to come this year only because we had to have it on the 30th because of Mr. S’s work schedule. Nobody else. Mind, we invited all of our friends in the area, probably about 45 people. Several people who always at least drop in didn’t come. Several people who even called to say they were coming for sure, and one who asked if his girlfriend could bring her kids (the answer was an enthusiastic yes), didn’t come.

You might think it was because of the date change, because it’s usually on Xmas Eve. But nobody showed up mistakenly on Xmas Eve (though we were both home – Mr. S had worked the overnight before, so he wouldn’t have had the energy for the fullblown party – and I did have a few refreshments on hand just in case). One neighbor called that night to say she was sorry, but she had just realized that today was the day. I told her it was fine and we chatted a bit.

But I was absolutely devastated. Here it wasn’t even Xmas Eve, when I realize that people may be on their way somewhere; I’d have thought we’d get MORE people, not less. It was the worst turnout we’d ever had. It really shook my faith in whether my friends were really my friends. I’m ready to admit that I went on quite the crying jag, and I find myself even getting a little upset typing this. I usually leave up the tree and decorations until Epiphany or so, but the next day I got up and put everything away, because the sight of it hurt me so badly. I remember angrily pitching the poinsettia across the yard. But I couldn’t stand the idea of wasting all the food, so we ate party food for a week. :frowning:

I managed to confide in a few close friends (one of the college friends who’d shown, and one of the “regulars,” another close friend, who said her family had just flaked). They suggested that maybe I could:

(1) Ask for RSVPs next time. I might try this, although I liked the idea of an open house where people didn’t have to feel committed. But obviously that didn’t work so great last year. And people who swore up and down that they were coming didn’t.

(2) Dial back my efforts and just get some stuff from the deli, so I don’t feel bad about wasted money/effort if attendance is low. Not so keen on that, because I like making all the fancy stuff, getting out the nice dishes, etc. I love potlucks and we have a lot of them in this area, but on this one occasion I like to do the work myself and treat my friends where they can just show up and enjoy. Except they have to actually show up. :frowning:

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do this year. (And Mr. S’s schedule is still irregular, so we may not be able to have it on Xmas Eve proper again.) Maybe in a few more months I’ll have shed all the bitterness. Obviously there’s still some left.

It sucks because we always (OK, well almost always :wink: ) consider it an honor to be invited to someone’s party. Someone was nice enough to ask us to join them. We always do our best to go if we possibly can; we bring something and are good guests. If it’s an old friend, well, we’re always glad to see them; if it’s someone we don’t know well, then it’s a chance to get to know them better and maybe meet more new people.

So of course in my head, this gets turned around to “If you don’t show up at my party, and don’t even bother to call or e-mail and give me a reason why you can’t, it tells me that you just don’t give a shit about me.” And that hurts.

So anyway, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I hope it all works out. In any case, I’ll be sure to raise a glass to you next Saturday night, even if your stupid flaky friends don’t. :slight_smile:

3

I have this group of friends that always goes to this one couple’s house for Halloween and New Year’s Eve every year for a party. Most of the folks there are friends-of-friends but I know them pretty well and I like them.

This year, the host couple up and moved to California (stupid Google and their stupid jobs!) but will be returning for a visit this week for a baby shower (for them).

I saw this group of friends-of-friends a few weeks back and the guys were lamenting that the couple would be in town but they couldn’t visit with them since guys don’t go to baby showers.

So I says “hey let’s everyone get together at my place!” and I collected email addresses, asked the couple, set up a time and emailed everyone about it.

This was 3 weeks ago and haven’t heard back from any of them. I tried contacting the friend that is first-level friends with all these folks but he doesn’t return my emails, AND now he says (on his Facebook profile) that he has a new phone and a new number.

So I am having this couple over to my place next Friday and no one else will be there, it seems. They’re my friends, of course, but it will be weird having them over by themselves anyway. It’s not something we did when they lived here, even. I think I might call the whole thing off. Good riddence!

4

That sucks guys. :frowning:

Scarlett67, that’s why I never host my own parties. Whenever I did, people other than my closest friends would show up, but they’d show up late or sometimes even not at all, and no one would even stay or partake in any of the effort I put into the party (food, drinks, etc). When you go so far out of your way to try to give your friends a good time, and they either don’t show up or barely check in, it sucks. It really does make you feel like they don’t care.

And ZipperJJ, it also sucks when people seem excited and agree to meeting up and then all bail/won’t return your messages. Especially e-mail, it’s so easy and convenient to send someone an email back! That’s why I ended up calling everyone until they called me back tonight, I wouldn’t let them ignore me! But luckily for me, these people are all my really good friends, if I had invited friends-of-friends or people I didn’t know as well, I’d be SOL!

I do have good news though.

I got a hold of everyone that said they were going to come on Saturday. The two who I expected to drop out did, and they were the two I was most worried about showing up on time if they were to come. It was my oldest friend and his boyfriend. Oldest friend is great fun, but he is also the person who gets wasted when they shouldn’t. And his new boyfriend is kind of crazy - apparently last weekend when we went out he was on Vicodin and drinking a lot…no good obviously. They have other plans and to be honest I am relieved. They were the only people I was worried about acting crazy during what is supposed to be a low-key dinner with friends.

But everyone else was able to assure me they will be on time or even early. So I can finally be excited now…the list is down to 14 confirmed, so if 11 show up on time, which I expect, we should be good to go!

5

Good luck myskepticsight.

Scartlett67, you have all my sympathy - that story sounds like exactly what I worry when I occasionally do an open house. So far I’ve either been lucky, or perhaps something similar happened and it was so painful I blotted out the memory.

6

Nobody comes to my parties. So I’ve stopped trying.

7

I was just thinking of making an, “I hate Sunday brunch.” thread. At least twice a week, one of my friends tries to organize Sunday brunch. I despise these.

  1. I’m hungry. I fast before church that morning, so by 12:30 I’m hungry.

  2. It takes people forever to finally show up. Cell phones going off every 3 seconds. “Oh, I thought you were at the one on Lemmon.” “We need to stop at xyz, then we’ll be there.”

  3. The same situation as to who’s going to be there and who won’t.

  4. The waiters are all hung over from Saturday night.

  5. The restaurant is short staffed because some of the servers called in because they were too hung over to work.

Yeah, count me out of large group dinners.

8

So, you make reservations for 15. Ten show up. Won’t they just seat the 10 of you? Or does it not work like that? If the other 5 show up later, and there’s no room, just agree to meet them at the bar across the street in an hour, when you’re done eating. It’s your birthday, no need to stress out. Also, since you have a DD, and it’s your birthday, it’s okay to start drinking before noon.

9

The restaurant said 3/4 of the party that I made reservations for (which will change to 14 when they call today) has to be there within 15 minutes of the reservation time, because they are keeping tables empty close together and making others wait. If the vast majority of us are not there on time, there is a chance those not present won’t come at all, and that the restaurant was holding tables empty for no reason. They don’t like that. So we lose all the tables. Punishment I guess? This is a busy place and I’m sure regular sized parties of 4 will have a decent wait that night.

The 2 most unreliable are the ones who dropped out, and since I talked to everyone and stressed punctuality is important, I think I will be okay. Everyone else seems psyched about dinner (pretty much everyone else loves the food too, and one hasn’t tried it and is excited) so barring weird circumstances we should all be there by 8 and get to chow down and pound some expensive beers. :slight_smile:

10

They named a restaurant after me?

11

Have a good birthday, myskeptic sight.

What I tend to do is just invite everyone to the pub. We have a few nice ones here that do good pub food, and then there’s no need to book tables. Plus it’s good for those on a budget. But then, I do like the pub…

12

Ack. If your friends are anything like my friends, to get them there by 8.15 you need to tell them 7 p.m. sharp. I find birthday dinners are best with 4-6 people, then have the rest come out for drinks. Or get your closest friend to do you a favor and organize everything on your behalf (because honestly, you should be stress-free). Happy birthday!

13

Thank you :slight_smile:

I invited so many people because I didn’t figure most would come, wanted to increase my chances I’d have a few people at dinner. Oh well, I think it will be fun. And this place has expensive beer, but the food isn’t bad. You can eat a lot for less than $12. They have a gigantic beer menu too.

14

Similar thing happened with us recently and we all survived. One of my friends just had a birthday dinner at a place called Lonestar. She booked the function room and told them she’d have 24 guests (25 people is the minimum) but we ended up with about 20, and several of this number came over an hour late (we started eating without them). It was chaotic, and the people who worked there probably didn’t like us for it, but they didn’t show it. They even gave her free dessert since it was her birthday. Customers are customers. Money is money. Hope it all works out for you and you have a great birthday!

15

If I were planning my own party, it’d be at my house, or a bar where it doesn’t matter who shows up.

Ideally, (I think it helps being gay at this point) I’d enlist one of my known event planner friends to rassle everyone up. I’ve got a Samoan friend who’s got a phone tree you wouldn’t believe. Call me a stereotyper if you want, but Samoans can call up 50 people at any given time and arrange a get-together of some kind.

16

When my wife turned 40 I decided to have one big, blow-oout surprise party for her. I planned it for weeks, got everyone invited and RSVP’d; took care of the food, etc. I made sure her friends at work took her out for a drink, so she’d be suitably delayed getting home.

Everything was going well. The kids were with a sitter, the guests arrived early and we waited for my wife to show up.

One by one, her co-workers arrived. They said my wife was enjoying herself so much she didn’t want to leave.

Time passed. None of the guests wanted to touch the food until my wife got there. They were, however, drinking, and things were getting ugly. The last co-worker arrived and told me that my wife was having so much fun on her night out that she had decided to go shopping.

My wife finally showed up for her party more than 2 hours after her co-workers were supposed to have gotten her home.

That’s the last party I ever planned.