I don’t know how to do a poll. Just pretend that this is one. 
(In this hypothetical, everyone RSVP’d. So this is not a case of people saying they were going to come and then flaking out.)
If everyone had RSVP’d then I would have cancelled the party or changed the scope. I’d feel sad, not mad.
Embarrassed.
This. And sad.
This sounds wise, but I don’t know how this would have worked out.
This isn’t exactly a hypothetical. Yesterday I attended a bridal shower for a coworker. I’ve never been to one before, and I figured the turn-out was decent (five attendees), though a bit strange. None of us seemed that particularly close to the bride-to-be. I’m just a coworker (I’m friendly enough with the girl, but we aren’t that close.) One guest was a coworker tag-along of an invited one. One was an aunt. The other was an old roomate from college days, who I could tell didn’t know anything about the recent happenings in the bride’s life. Indeed, the other friend (the one with the tag-along) didn’t seem that close to the bride either. Only the hostess, the maid of honor, seemed to know the bride-to-be well to qualify as “friend” material.
Every time the bride-to-be left the room, the maid of honor kept bashing the other people who had declined to come. It made me feel uncomfortable since I hadn’t really wanted to come either. I came only because the bride-to-be had asked me if I was going to come in that baby squeaky voice that she sometimes pulls out right before crying. I actually had a practical reason for not wanting to go: having no car, it required me to rent one and then drive an hour out into the country. But I did it because I’m actively trying to be a nicer, more sociable person. And I also didn’t want to deal with the emotional fall-out at work (it has happened before between this individual and me…and I just don’t have the tolerance for it).
So with the hostess continually bashing the people who didn’t come and the bride-to-be repeatedly thanking us for coming, I realized that a much bigger, fancier affair had been anticipated. I thought the party was fine for what it was (a simple thing for acquaintances and not-so-close friends), but I could tell, based on the games that the hostess had given us to play, that we were all supposed to know more about the bride-to-be than what was the case.
When I stood up to leave, the hostess really put the works on me to get me to stay (I had been there for five hours!). She kind of pushed me towards unintentionally rudeness when she asked what else I had planned to do for the day and I said “the rest of my Saturday.” So that note of desperation, from a woman that didn’t know me from Eve, left a bad taste in my mouth.
I don’t know what cancelling would have accomplished except for making the bride-to-be distraught about her social circle.
The anger of the hostess made me wonder how I would feel if I were in this situation.
Just to be clear, did most people RSVP in the negative? So they new in advance that the party would be sparsely attended?
Yes.
I would be crushed.
It’s happened before.
I guess it depends on the situation. The bridal shower monstro**** described certainly sounds not only awkward for the guests, but I can imagine the bride being devastated that her close friends declined to show up. Unless she doesn’t have any and that’s why monstro**** and the other guest were pressured to be there and to stay when they wanted to go.
On the other hand, only 3 people I invited to my birthday this year were able to make it (ended up with a 4th person though as my friend’s boyfriend who rarely socializes with us decided to come out) because my birthday happened to fall on Easter weekend and everyone else had plans with their family. It wasn’t a big deal though, I’d invited less than 10 people in the first place and we had a nice time just sitting around chatting.
Before I read your last reply my thought was “Neither, I would just have a nice small party with the people who made it.” The alternative is to be upset, and while it might be nice to wallow in self-pity for a while, you can always do that before or after your smaller-than-expected party and still have a fun night of hosting some friends.
So regarding this shower, yeah the hostess was not really helping things. I might guess there was some “bridal party drama” behind this, maybe the maid of honor dropped the ball on inviting people in a timely manner. Or maybe the bride to be just doesn’t have that many female friends, which is fine if you’re okay with it but she’s realizing that she’s not okay with it now that she’s getting married. Or who knows. But I don’t necessarily think the situation is bound for disappointment unless expectations are set really high already (and sounds like they were in this case).
I wonder if some of the other invitees declined knowing what kind of epic event this was going to be.
Ouch, very awkward situation for everyone. That was nice of you to (a) go and (b) stay five hours.
Did the party organiser give any indication as to why the bride’s friends couldn’t come? It seems a weird situation all round - not everyone has a large group of friends but then you don’t organise a big party if you don’t. Is it possible the party organiser was more into the whole ‘wedding shower’ thing than the bride?
I think the timing and the setting (out in the middle of bumfuck) may have played a part. But only a tinsy one. I think it may be that the bride-to-be just doesn’t have many close friends and it is quite possible the hostess didn’t realize it.
During one of her rant sessions, she said something like, “Unless you’ve got something really important to do, there’s no excuse not to come.” Well, of course I disagree with this! If you don’t know someone very well or you don’t like a person, you shouldn’t feel obligated to go to their bridal shower. It already takes a special person to want to go to one of those things anyway, I’ve discovered.
If most of the invitees had declined in advance, I’d be mad. But only at myself for not canceling the party. None of this should have been any surprise.
Santa Barbara has a big summer festival every year and only a few days before the event, one co-worker, who was a sometimes social friend outside of work, planned a gathering at his apartment beforehand. He emailed a bunch of us but most of us had plans already. I promptly emailed back that my sister and her husband were visiting that weekend and my wife and I wouldn’t be able to make it for logistical reasons. Then he reminded me about it again a couple of days before and I told him that I already emailed him and that I had previous plans.
He was seriously pissed off at me. As it turned out, most of the people couldn’t or didn’t want to go. He sent this really pissy email saying how he thought that he needed to find some new friends. The guy definitely had issues but what a bizarre reaction.
Good on you, monstro for going. I wonder if the maid of honor manipulated the bride to be into having a party that she didn’t really want and that was part of the bitterness. The MOH maybe resented that she put all of this work into the party and the B2B didn’t make enough of an effort to make it a big bash.
I guess I can see two courses of action: If genuinely good friends can’t make it because of legit reasons, then it would make sense to reschedule. It’s not like it was a surprise party.
But if the bride’s friends just can’t be bothered, then best to make lemonade. Have a good time with the few people who did show up. I’m not veteran of bridal showers, but 5 hours seem long enough, no?
5 hours is about 3 hours longer than I’m willing to spend at a party of that nature. I spend only about 5 hours at my own parties, fer gosh sakes. So you have earned yourself a dispensation, Monstro.
Wow, sounds like the hostess might have been the reason people didn’t come, not the bride.
And some people are just like that; I am SO not a girly-girl, and recently worked in a place that was ALL WOMEN, and ALL DRAMA, ALL THE TIME. Someone with sensitive feelings could easily get them hurt in an atmosphere like that, but it doesn’t sound like the hostess is one of THOSE people, rather the kind that makes everything about HER and takes everything personally no matter what. Hopefully the bride has more sense than that
I don’t think it can be blamed all on the MOH. The bride-to-be has been a 24/7 wedding drama queen for the past six months. She definitely wanted a shower, just like she wants a fabulously expensive wedding to complain about all the time. She wasn’t pressured into having anything!
I’m thinking the MOH knows that this wedding is a big deal and, being a good friend, wanted to do her part in hosting a big event. The problem is that the bride-to-be doesn’t have the social circle to pull off a “dream” bridal shower (or wedding, for that matter). The MOH doesn’t realize that the bride-to-be’s friends are not as close to her as she is with the B2B…which I think is kind of strange. If you are best friends with someone, don’t you know who their friends are? Not just because they talk about them, but because you’d have met each other at social functions (birthday parties, girls-nights-out, etc.) before? I dunno. It seems like it would be this way to me, but I’m far from an expert on these matters.
Another sign of cluelessness…the MOH repeatedly suggested that on the night before the wedding, we all throw the bride a bacherolette party. There was quiet in the room when she brought this up. I will go to the wedding, but a bacherolette party? No. No matter how many squeaky baby voice pleadings I have to here, I am not going to that. And I will not even make up an excuse either. They need to reevaulate this idea if they want to avoid future disappointment.
This makes sense. Doesn’t seem like it’s worth getting sad or mad about it all. Among other things, it’s really the bride that should care. But this seems to be about the best maid and her way of dealing with it. Maybe her attitude was the reason a lot of people didn’t show up.
Of course I don’t know anything about bridal showers, just bachelor parties. If people don’t show for those, I just think, “Great! More hookers and blow for me.”