I think it depends per person and per reason they’re not coming, it doesn’t really work as an overall thing. When my SO and I celebrated our 10 yr anniversary with a huge party, there were family members who called my mum to ask if it was an engagement party, by any chance. As it wasn’t they didn’t deem it important enough to come. I asked my mum to make it extra clear (it should’ve been anyway) that there would be no engagement party, no wedding, ever. That was it. That was the celebration of our love. They didn’t think it was important enough.
That annoyed me. Not really sad or angry, just annoyed. The fact that marriage is more legit to them than spending ten happy years together and wanting to celebrate that with the people you love. Oh well.
Other people couldn’t make it because they were in Peru and stuff. No prob.
Monstro’s situation sounds utterly bizar, and very uncomfortable. I do feel terribly sad for the bride. It sounds like maybe she just hasn’t managed to build up the circle of friends that she really wants. Monstro Medal for attending uncomfortable social events!
My baby shower thrown by a friend was weirdly attended. Everyone but one couple came but I don’t think the guests realised that a shower is different from a party and most of our friends arrived over an hour after the start time. For a while there when it was just me, my husband, the friend who threw the shower and one other friend I was pretty sad and embarrassed. Eventually everyone who RSVPed showed up, but it was awful there for a little while.
I showed up an hour late. And two other guests arrived after me. No wonder the bride-to-be was hovering on the porch when I showed up.
I would have preferred a regular party. I didn’t particularly care for the silly games. Is that why we were supposed to show up on time? I think I would have suspended that part given the low turn-out.
I don’t throw parties for myself, so this never comes up. At the most, my mom will invite various family members to my birthday party, but that’s only been a couple times since I turned 18. And that’s not an official RSVP type of event, it’s just whoever wants to show up and eat cake. I’m not a big party-type.
A shower is more like a dinner party or a child’s birthday than a regular party. There’s structure in that there’s usually games and food and gift opening, and a time that the party loosely ends, like it’ll be from 2-6pm or something. I don’t really fault people for not getting that though. I’m the first in my group of friends to have a baby. My family shower had everyone arriving within a half hour of the start time, most really close to it. It’s just something that comes with experience.
Have an awesome party with my friends! This has happened to me a few times because I have a lot of friends who don’t plan ahead very well, and often things will come up last-minute. Since in this situation, they actually did RSVP that they weren’t attending, then I know I can scale down the party, and I really won’t complain since I prefer small groups anyway.
EDIT: And monstro, in your situation I would view the hostess of the party as a little bit neurotic. Some people just aren’t comfortable with being flexible with their plans, and will get really upset if people don’t do exactly what they want and they don’t get the event they dreamed of (which they did down to the last detail). It sounds like maybe that’s what was going on.
I’d be sad. A few months ago I planned a game night at my place with a bunch of friends. I had given weeks notice with everyone RSVP’ing at least three weeks in advance.
Ten minutes before start time one friend called and asked if he could bring his roommate, while every one else canceled, or said they would be late and ended up not showing.
Thank heavens my friend came with his roommate. We were able to have a fun time. I just know now who to mark in the “flake” column and not put any effort into events.
I think this is a trick question. If I were having a party for which every invited person RSVP’d, I would realize that I was dreaming and wake myself up.
I encounter this every year when I host my Christmas open house. One especially bad year, I got very few RSVPs, and some of the people who said “Yes” didn’t come. I ended up with a bunch of party food (much of it homemade) left over to remind me of being stood up. It really hurt my feelings: that my “friends” ignored my invitation or didn’t bother to show up when they said they would. To me, it meant that they don’t value my friendship. Fortunately I had a whole year to get over it (and it pretty much took that long), and I threw the party again the next year and it was much better.
I don’t mind scaling back if I’m expecting only a few people. It’s the lack of response that galls me. I’ve started cutting people who don’t RSVP.
I think I would certainly reevaluate some friendships.
The thing is, how many people show up sort of depends on a number of things:
How frequently do you actually do stuff with these people? People are more inclined to do stuff with people they always do stuff with.
How social are your friends? i.e. are they “how do parties work people”?
How busy are their lives? If all your friends are travelling salesmen with families, their is a very real likelihood they won’t show up.
Are you competing with other events or parties? i.e., is your party one of many St Patrick’s Day parties being thrown?
Are your friends a “clique” (everyone knows everyone) or a random assortment of unconnected people you don’t know. That can work both ways. 20 randoms will show up independently of each other while a clique of people may tend to be an all or nothing thing.
When planning a party, I would assume the guest of honor would have a close inner circle of friends that she could run a few ideas by to get a feel for when/where works best. Get a few soft commitments, then send invitations.
If there is no close inner circle, things can get mightly awkward. I used to work with a guy who was a real jerk. When he asked another coworker and me to go his bachelor party, we both made excuses not to attend. Afterwards, he admitted that his bachelor party consisted of him and his brother. And that’s it. Now, that’s embarrassing. I wouldn’t even have admitted that.
I wonder if the MOH’s attitude was, while not really nice, more of a poor outward manifestation of “oh shit this party sucks and the bride has been a freaking bridezilla for six months and she’s going to blame this on me and I’m embarrassed for her and oh shit oh shit oh shit why does she not have any friends?” and the unlucky ones that did show up bore the brunt of her anxiety.
I mean - you gotta think that if she grated your nerves enough with her pitiful squeakiness to show up in the middle of nowhere for her shower, imagine what she’s doing to her MOH.
Now, I would comment that you should have been there at start time like others have said but (1) you obviously didn’t know and do know now and (2) there is a beginning and end to showers and in my experience it’s not FIVE FUCKING HOURS. That’s insane. If my best friend were getting married I’d tell her to cut it off at two hours. You hit the door, have snacky foods and punch, some champagne and vodka if you’re lucky, open some gifts while the MOH or mother of the bride writes who and what for thank you cards later, play a game (but that is becoming optional I think) and boom, out the door. Five hours for a shower for a coworker you aren’t particularly close to? That’s a social purple heart if I ever saw one.
I’d be embarrassed. If people had responded that they were coming, I’d also be pissed.
The maid of honor made things that much more crappy by constantly harping on the lack of attendees, which is really shitty. She should’ve distracted the bride from the fact that no one showed up instead of constantly highlighting it by bashing the people who didn’t come.
Since it was so far away, maybe the other attendees simply didn’t want to drive that far. I always assumed that, as the hostess, part of your job is to make sure it’s convenient for people to come. If it’s a house party, that’s one thing. But if you’re hostessing a bridal party or baby shower, shouldn’t you plan it in a more central location?
I had a get together two weeks before my 40th birthday. It was not a bd party, just an excuse to drink. I invited too many people (intentionally) and kept it very informal. No RSVP required, bring a friend if you like, that sort of party.
I made a ton of food and bought 8 cases of beer, which were all iced and ready to go. A neighbor showed up, but nobody else.
I was pretty sad.Then,about 45 minutes into the “party” everybody showed up en masse. My idiot friends decided to make it a surprise birthday celebration, and it took time for all the cars to meet in a nearby parking lot to organize the SURPRISE.
When someone at work celebrates an occasion warranting a shower or party, we always have it at lunch time or an hour before the end of the day. One time we all met at a nearby restaurant right after work. Only if I was friends with the people outside of work would I host something at my home.
If you’re going to host a party for co-workers, it’s important that you make it super convenient for them. Having to rent a car (!), give up a weekend, or driving an hour away is going to lose most invitees. Sorry, but that’s the difference between co-workers with whom you’re friendly and friends.
The thing is, the majority of people are big old flakes. I’ve learned this, and I learned it so early that I almost never entertain, except for very very small gatherings.
