We’re having a birthday party for my kid today. She turns 4.
The party is at a bowling alley, where the kids can do kiddie bowling, etc and they get pizza and cake…it’s 11.50 per person and we needed to deliver a count beforehand.
So my unbeleivably presumptuous bitch of a nieghbor who I have seen and exchanged waves with several times over the past couple of weeks called my wife at 12:30 today and left a message:
UNBELEIVABLE! As if the only problem would be paying for it! They have pizza prepared for a set # of kids! Chairs, bowling shoes, lanes, all reserved for the party. And yet the only part that she thinks could be inconveniencing is the measly 11 bucks? You inconsiderate bitch! You could have at least let us know you were a “maybe” so we could have included you in the count.
So, wait. You sent an invitation to her, she declined on behalf of daughter Emma, then suddenly decided to come after all / found her schedule had opened up / etc.?
I’m not trying to be snarky, I’m just trying to get this straight.
ETA: You really think they calculated the amount of pizza and chairs so close that adding one more kid is really going to to be such a horrible inconvenience? Or that adding one more kid to a bunch of bowling four year olds is going to matter?
Yeah, I don’t get this. If you did invite her (and if you didn’t, how did she even know that there was a party or where it would be?), then this is a rant about rude people not replying promptly to invitations. Which I would totally support, but it’s not clear from the OP if that’s actually what happened.
A standard defensive strategy in entertaining guests at invitation-only events is to keep track of the responses, and then at some fixed cutoff time (say, a few days before the event), call up the non-responders and politely strong-arm them into giving you an answer. As in, “Hi, I just wanted to say how sorry I was that you can’t join us on Saturday, and I thought I’d just check in case you’d sent a reply that didn’t reach us”, etc. etc.
One of those wave-exchanging occasions with this (presumably) non-responding neighbor would have been a perfect time to put that strategy into practice.
Yes, guests should respond to invitations in a timely fashion. But when they don’t, hosts are not required to make patsies of themselves by sitting around wondering how many people will show up or by tolerating last-minute acceptances.
At that point, the polite strong-arming takes the form of a return call along the lines of “Thanks for your message, and how nice that Emma wanted to come to the party after all! But I’m afraid we already had to give KiddyLanes a headcount of the number of children we’d be bringing, and we can’t include an additional one at the last minute. It was sweet of you to think of us, though.”
Anyhoo, happy birthday to your daughter and hope the party goes well.
I can completely see your irritation; the mother or father should have responded and let you know, either “we can’t come, sorry” or “we’re not sure if we can come or not, is that okay?” Personally, I hate the latter response BTW: Well, no, “maybe” is actually not an acceptable answer when a head-count is needed.
But I’d probably be willing to cut quite a bit of slack for a 4 y.o.'s birthday party. It’s one thing to tell the mother to sit and spin, but the little girl obviously wants to go. I don’t think you should punish the little girl for the boorishness of her parents, even to the point of not inviting her next year. One more isn’t going to overwhelm the bowling alley.
Sounds like it would be easy enough to call the bowling alley to see if an extra kid could be accommodated. Kind of nice that they’re taking time out of their day to share in the fun with your child on her special day, don’t you think? On their own dollar?
Your neighbor used inelegant phrasing in her phone message, but I wouldn’t get my panties in a twist about it.
While I totally love ‘Bitchy McBitcherton,’ I dont think the label fits. Inconsiderate yes, that no. Like other people have said, this is a 4 year old’s birthday party at a bowling alley, not a wedding at a fancy restaurant. Lighten up a little!
Nah, I’m with crazyjoe on this one. Stupid bitch never been to a kids birthday party before? The bowling alley will provide a certain number of goody bags, cups, plates, lanes, etc. This isn’t just showing up at a party where the cake can be sliced different to accommodate an extra person. The kind of birthdays we had as kids (well, that other people had) it wasn’t a big deal to bring a friend or not show up, but the extravaganzas that we put on for them now aren’t so haphazard.
She called just hours before the party? Even a days notice would have helped, but leaving a message at 12:30? You can’t punish the kid because her mom is an idiot, but mom is still an idiot.
We had a kid that was forced to bring his little sister with him (dad would drop off both kids and leave). Happened once, haven’t invited the kid back. An extra person screws everything up.
In the past 2 days (btw, we asked for RSVPs by the 18th) we have gone from 9 to 13 kids.
You are precisely the kind of person that is the problem in this situation. “Oh, one more kid won’t be a burdern”
Except you’re never alone…last year we had the birthday party at our house and had planned (you know, bought meat, goodie bags for the kids, etc) for 25 people. 38 people showed up.
Oh no, I haven’t even begun to fill you in on this woman’s bitchiness. Her husband is a lawyer, so she will have him draft letters on his letterhead threatening to sue businesses, etc if they don’t do something she wants (ie, accept returns, refund cancellation fees, etc). Her kids are complete spoiled brats with behavior problems that she completely ignores…worse, she says her child is “A natural leader.” No, bitch, she’s a whiny little brat because you raised her to be a princess who never takes no for an answer. I swear, the only person who can get away with saying NO to this woman is her own daughter.
Suffice it to say that she’s a rant all unto herself, but I’m working on 3 hours of sleep and this was her latest infraction.
Wow, I am shocked at all the people in this thread who think that it’s cool to receive an invitation and give the host absolutely no notice of whether or not you’re going to come to the party until hours before it starts. I mean, it’s not like I budget my money or my time or anything like that.
Thanks to Jodi and BoboTO for understanding. You guys can come to the birthday party next year
3 weeks ago, we delivered invitations, asked for RSVP by the 18th. This is for a birthday party with a per-person cost, in a room set up ahead of time, with activities planned for a set # of people. It is NOT “hey, come to my house for ice cream and cake.” See the above posts for how THAT worked out last year.
This woman’s daughter was one of the invitees.
We hear nothing from her besides a friendly wave and “hello” when passing her in the neighborhood. Not “we’re unsure if we can make it to the party” or anything.
Today, 5 hours before the party, she calls and says she’s coming. Not only is she coming, but heaven help me if there’s any sort of “problem” she’ll just pay for her kid separately…basically telling me “Don’t you dare try to keep me out of this party because I’m an incosiderate asshole, I have money and I’m coming.”
Am I wound a little tight over it? Maybe, but she did the same thing to us last year, just showed up at our party with no advance warning. We generally try to maintain friendly relations with our neighbors, even the ones who bug us, but this woman and her kids are off the invite list for next year’s party.
Okay, I get you now. Yeah, that’s pretty inconsiderate; for the sake of your own daughter I’d smile and suck it up for the party, but I’d also take her aside after the festivities and mention that you’d appreciate more notice in advance next time and her behaviour was out of line.
Phew! I was beginnig to think maybe I AM a raving lunatic.
Oh, and tell this woman she was WRONG? Just who do I think I am, the president? She is friends with far too many others in the neighborhood (why they tolerate her I’ll never know) for me to get animosity going and cause a neighborhood kerfuffle over it. We just won’t invite her next year. Along with a couple other people who have shown themselves unworthy of receiving an invitation.
