You bitchy mcbitcherton!

The BBQ Pit
21

Well, thanks exasperatedjoe, but I feel compelled to point out I’m actually in the camp of “one more isn’t going to overwhelm the bowling alley.” :slight_smile:

To me, the woman has said, “If that’s a problem we’ll just come and pay for ourselves.” Perfect! They pay their own way, and if there’s not enough of anything, then you just say repeatedly to the mother, “I’m sorry there’s not a goodie bag for little Portia, but we didn’t know she was coming”; “I’m sorry there’s not enough bowling shoes and little Portia will have to rent her own, but we didn’t know she was coming;” “I’m sorry little Portia doesn’t have a name tag but WE DIDN’T FUCKING KNOW SHE WAS COMING BECAUSE YOU NEVER RESPONDED TO THE FUCKING INVITATION THAT SAID ‘RSVP’ IN BIG FUCKING LETTERS! Um, I mean, ‘we didn’t know she was coming’.”

IOW, you can subtlely reinforce to the clueless mother that to the extent her daughter is missing out on the specifics of the party, that is entirely her fault. Other than that, cake and pizza can be cut a little smaller to accommodate one more little stomach, and both your daughter and the other little girl will be glad if she can come. So, yeah, relax just a skootch. That doesn’t require you to believe the mother’s handling of the situation was okay; it wasn’t.

22

OMG, it’s an hour before the party and we just got another RSVP. Luckily, the Bowling Alley is being very cool about it.

23

I was going to post most professional party planners plan for a couple of extra guests.

24

Yes, I know in the grand scheme of things it is not that bad, and we’ll still have a great time at my daughter’s birthday party. But I still hate this woman.

25

Maybe the McBitchertons will bring a really good gift. :slight_smile:

26

Yeah, that’ll teach that little bitch Emma, with her bitchy little four-year-old face.

27

Okay, who wants to be the one to tell crazyjoe what he’s in for in 20 years, when it’s little crazyjoette’s wedding?

ETA: Seeing as how the bowling alley is stepping up so well with the flexibility, maybe you should hold the wedding there…

:smiley:

28

Good, that’s the Miss-Manners-approved way to handle it. You can’t tell rude people that they’re rude (which tends to escalate into defensiveness, counter-accusations, and full-on top-of-the-voice meltdowns), but you can drop rude people from your social circle. Shame about little Emma, but it’s not your fault her mom’s a bitch; it’s something that Emma and her therapist will have to work out in the future.

You’re right that this is the way to handle it if a clueless non-responder shows up unexpectedly. If there’s any advance notice at all of a last-minute “acceptance”/party-crashing, though, it’s smart for the host to warn the party-crashers beforehand “Oh, it would be wonderful to see you, but I’m afraid there won’t be any goodies or refreshments or anything for little Portia, because we didn’t know she was coming when we had to give KiddyLanes the final headcount”.

I wouldn’t absolutely count on being able to accomodate little Portia’s stomach by short-rationing the other guests, either. For all we know, KiddyLanes may provide the food in individual portions on special PrincessPlates or whatever, and no guest is going to be happy about having to give up or share his/her portion with Portia the Party-crasher.

This is definitely a smart business policy and a good reason to keep patronizing the establishment that uses it. But IMHO it does not let the rude last-minute party-crashers off the hook for their inconsiderate behavior.

Like I said, too bad about little Emma, but if she stops getting invited to parties because her mom’s an inconsiderate bitch, I don’t see how that’s anybody’s fault but her mom’s.

Let’s hope that in the long run this sort of thing actually will teach poor little Emma a useful lesson, so when she starts handling her own social calendar, she’ll know not to be an inconsiderate bitch like her mom.

29

This to me, is by far the worst part of the whole thing. Her tone is completely obnoxious. Informing you that she will be there, followed by preemptively negating any arguments against her showing up with no notice by assuming she can just give you money is incredibly rude. Had she left that message with a different tone, asking you to please include her daughter and offering to pay for any extra costs if necessary, I’d have very little problem with it despite the lack of notice. The way she handled it is so shitty and presumptuous that I can see how you’d want to exclude her kid just to get back at her or, barring that, punch her in the face. (You shouldn’t do either, by the way. Be the bigger person.)

30

I’m on your side, crazyjoe. Had a similar situation the day before my wedding. Invitations to the wonderful day of welcome drinks, wedding ceremony, wedding dinner and a night of dance and drinks had gotten out and most people were polite enough to answer too.

We had ordered 60 covers (that’s the english word, right?) for the 60 guests who said yes. (60 was the limit.)

One of the guests called me Friday night, cause she’s concerned about her daughter’s allergy (will there be nuts in the food, etc).

Now, the daughter was seventeen years old and … not invited. The invitation said “Mr and Mrs X”. Not “Mr and Mrs X and any kid they eventually feel like bringing withem. (Hell, anybody can bring anybody related person, we fix the tables and covers, the food and drink and stuff as you arrive to our fancy sit-down wedding dinner. There’s no organization, planning and money behind this anyhow.)”

I said: “Erm… your daughter… we didn’t expect her…”

Note: This is Friday night, about 20 hours before the (rather expensive) dinner (for grown ups).

She said: “Of course she will…! We bought a dress and [etc in an accusing way like I was being rude] I can’t imaging her not coming, that’s not, that’s *unthinkable * [etc].”

I put on my Anthony Hopkins persona*: “Certainly, no problem. We’ll get another cover and I will inform the management about her allergies.”

I called the place, they were fixin tomorrows festivities, and they put on their Anthony Hopkins persona* and said: “Cartainly, no problem.”

They were very professional and I actually personally welcomed the daughter to make sure she didn’t feel, well dumb, and everything worked out fine.

But some people just don’t get it - and those particular people never will.

  • Shadowlands, Remains of the Day persona, not the Hannibal one.
31

So. . . why’d you invite her again?

32

Wait; your wedding had kiddie bowling and pizza? 'Cuz if it didn’t, I don’t see how it compares, unless Tony Hopkins was doubling as the shoe rental guy.

33

Just to let you know, I am dealing with a similar issue for my mom’s suprise birthday party on Saturday. People I’ve invited are calling and saying they are going to bring their daughter who is in town and her friend too who would love to come and is that okay?

Fortunately for me, the birthday girl is 65, not 4, and the party is at a restaurant, so I can with complete justice say, No, I’m sorry, that is not okay, this is a sit-down luncheon for a set number of guests and as much as we’d love to see your daughter and the random stranger she’d like to bring to entertain her, we simply cannot accommodate them. IF ONLY WE HAD KNOWN FOUR WEEKS AGO THAT THEY WANTED TO COME WE WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO ADD THEM, YOU PRESUMPTUOUS INCONSIDERATE SHITS!

But I only have a rather complete guest list because I freaking called every inconsiderat shit who did not RSVP to ask (more nicely then this), look are you coming or not? Because we need to know. To those who said, gee, we just don’t know yet (ASSHOLES!), I said, I’m sorry but I need an answer now, though if you can’t come we will of course miss you very much.

I did NOT say, though I really really wanted to, Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if you come or not. But yes or no, those are your choices. Maybe is not a choice. Just pick one, which one I don’t care. But fucking pick one and fucking tell me what the answer is as I FUCKING ASKED YOU TO DO BY PUTTING ‘RSVP’ ON THE FUCKING INVITATION.

Not that this issue resonates with me or anything . . . .

34

Well, you see, a disturbing characteristic might show itself in different situations. It might be at the bowling hall, it might be at a wedding, it might even show up at work. You never know, it depends.
Now, I was sharing an experience where this characteristic was exposed and if you don’t see “how it compares” you might be one of them guys who just don’t get it, and thus you learned something today. Congratulations.

35

While I have nothing but admiration for the gracious and generous way you handled this, I have to point out that the only way such people will ever “get it” is if the victims of their rudeness stop giving in to them.

You would have been perfectly entitled to say politely, “I’m so sorry, of course we would have loved to see dear Portia if we’d been able to include her on the guest list, but she wasn’t mentioned in the invitation or in your response, so we were not expecting her. I’m terribly sorry, but the caterer has been given the final headcount, and we can’t add dear Portia to the list at the last minute, much as we would like to. I do hope that you and Mr. X will still be able to join us?”

Of course, if Mrs. X McBitcherton actually did indicate in her acceptance that she was (rudely) expecting to bring the uninvited Portia along, I’m afraid that’s your fumble for not catching it earlier, and at that point you’d probably be obligated to do what you could to include her.

Why so many people routinely assume that wedding invitations can be generalized to all members of the recipient’s household or social circle, rather than being limited to the people whose names are clearly marked in big letters right there on the invitation, I can’t understand. If you had meant to invite the whole X family, you would have addressed your invitation to “The X’s”, or “Mr. and Mrs. X, Miss Portia X”.

I love you, Jodi, and you are my hero. If rude inconsiderate guests ever do end up “getting it”, it will be because hosts like you had the guts to take a firm (but polite) line with them.

36

Exactly; it depends. The same level of outrage is not justified whenever this kind of rudeness rears its head, without regard to the the circumstances. And retaliating against a four year old shows so much maturity and class.

37

I agree with you 100%.

38

Reminded once again why I will never host or arrange a formal party again, as long as I live. I don’t like ANYBODY enough to deal with this shit (my husband knows me well enough to never expect it, like I don’t from him).

39

I was a horrible guest in this regard when I was younger.

I was nineteen, had just started dating a woman nine years my senior, and was taking a 2-week trip to England with her, during which she’d be attending the wedding of one of her childhood friends. We got there, and I was welcomed by everyone–but we all kind of realized, a few days before the wedding, that I hadn’t been invited. And I didn’t have a suit.

I’m not sure what backroom negotiations happened among these folks in their late twenties, but I ended up going down to a local thrift store and buying a 20-pound suit, in which I attended the wedding.

I still feel kinda guilty about the whole thing; I think I put them in an awkward position.

Daniel

40

Ok, now I get you. Sorry for the sarcasm in my last post.