I see no indication at all that the OP is trying to “retaliate against a four year old”. The sad fact is, though, that you can’t invite a preschool child to a party without making arrangements with his/her parents. If the parents are inconsiderate bitches who mess up the party plans and aggravate the hosts with their rude and selfish behavior, the hosts should not be expected to put up with that indefinitely just for the sake of sparing the child’s feelings.
If this were ten years down the road and crazyjoe were declaring that he won’t let his daughter invite fourteen-year-old Emma to her birthday party because Emma’s mother was such a bitch in their preschool days, I’d be the first to agree that that would be a rotten and spiteful attitude. But, this ain’t that. There is no retaliation against a child involved here at all: merely self-protection against an inconsiderate bitch of a parent.
We disagree. It was the parent who was rude and selfish, and leaving a child out in retaliation is unnecessarily cruel. Why not confront the parent directly (in private) and chew her a new asshole? Why is behind the back revenge better?
I don’t get why you invited someone you dislike so much to anything. . . even if her daughter is a total friend to your daughter, which it doesn’t sound like since you won’t be inviting her next year regardless.
Because here’s the thing. When we like people, we give them leeway and understand that they’re human and things come up. When we don’t like them, they’re monsters. When we like people, we can sidle up to them either during the event or later and let them know how much inconvenience they caused. When we dislike them, we just have to suck it up and try to behave in a civil manner.
Jodi’s situation is a little different because she’s inviting someone else’s friends. That situation can’t be helped.
It’s a lot easier to invite people you like to stuff.
Take that for what’s it’s worth. I’m not a social butterfly probably because I’m pretty straightforward about stuff.
I actually wouldn’t have any trouble telling this woman that I’m sorry but it’s too late to RSVP, that all the plans are already made, but that I hope to see little McBitcherson (bonus points for not actually calling her that) at the next event someone else has.
crazyjoe, I sympathize with you. It’s the principle of the thing. I’m kind of surprised at the attitudes you’re getting here, because it’s really aggravating to try to plan a party when you can’t even figure out how many people are invited. I kinda think if people blow the cut-off date for the RSVP, they should be assumed to be a NO. But what if they just show up? That really sucks, and forces you to call people with whom you’re already irritated. Not a recipe for a good time, and does make the whole party experience a lot less fun for the person throwing it.
People who refuse to RSVP are the current bane of my existence. How hard can it be? With wedding invitations, it’s arguably even easier than with ones you have to call, since all you have to do is write your name, check a box, then place the card in the self-addressed, stamped envelope and drop it in the mailbox. For fuck’s sake! Though Mrs. McBitcherton is your neighbor, so why she couldn’t just drop by and tell you either way is beyond me.
As for people bringing kids… I put an insert in my invitations. It had the phone # and website of the winery, with a line about “Since this is primarily an establishment that serves alcohol, all our invitees must be 21 and over. We regret that we could not invite children.” Couple of people still asked, and I politely said no. Whether any will just show up with kids anyway is anyone’s guest. Happened to my brother, very annoying considering how many people played by the rules and didn’t bring their kid. There always has to be one asshole (of course it was my side of the family… and those people haven’t said if they’re coming… classy).
I still have about 15 sets of people who haven’t replied. They live out of town. Am I really supposed to call them and say, “Hey, are you coming to my wedding?” It kind of irks me that I have to do that, and I imagine it will be awkward, esp. with some of the relatives. Grrr.
Oh yeah, like that’s going to be a constructive way to preserve the friendly social relationship between her child and your family. :rolleyes:
Seriously, how is chewing the parent a new asshole going to help in any way, except perhaps to let crazyjoe let off steam? If she’s as bitchy and inconsiderate as crazyjoe makes out, she’s not going to change her behavior just because she gets a talking-to. Ultimately, a host’s only recourse with rude and inconsiderate guests is to stop inviting them.
I admire your generosity in being (hypothetically) willing to put up with the inconsiderate selfishness of rude bitches indefinitely for the sake of not hurting the feelings of their children, but I sure don’t think that any parent is ethically obligated to imitate it.
“Things come up”? The OP made it clear that he sent out invitations three weeks ago, requested RSVPs by the 18th, heard nothing whatsoever from her in response, and then five hours before the party got a telephone message saying they were intending to come to the party.
“Things come up”? Please. This isn’t some unforeseen emergency that unexpectedly interfered with a polite guest’s stated plans, which I would totally agree deserves some cutting of slack. This is a selfish bitch not bothering to respond at all to a special invitation for a full three weeks, and then announcing at the last minute that they’re going to show up after all.
Somebody who pulled something like that on me would not get “leeway”, no matter how much I liked them. Being human and fallible is one thing, but being an inconsiderate selfish bitch is something else.
Yup. It may feel a little awkward, but it will be a hell of a lot less awkward than seeing them blithely crashing your reception when you weren’t expecting them because they never responded. Don’t succumb to the temptation of feeling or acting apologetic because you require a definite response to a definite invitation. Hey, if you were nice enough to think of these people as somebody you’d like to have with you on your special day, and were prepared go to the trouble and expense of entertaining them, the fucking least they can fucking do is to fucking tell you whether they can be arsed to fucking show up. (Note: do not phrase your query in just that way when you call them.)
Yes, ideally in a way that will make them feel tremendous but appropriate guilt over how completely shabby they are being to not take the time TO FUCKING RSV- ahem. Sorry. Bit of a sore spot at the moment. Anyway, something like:
“Aunt Ida? Hi, it’s Ruby. I never received a response from you to my wedding invitation so I was calling to see if you received it. . . . You did? Oh, I’m so relieved. I had assumed you hadn’t because you never responded to let me know if you were coming or not. . . . I know, it’s been a busy time for me too, with all the wedding planning. . . . Well, the caterer is asking us to give her a head-count on guests so I wondered if you were going to be able to attend or not? . . . . Oh, you’re not sure? I’ve very sorry to hear that because the caterer is really insisting we let them know the number of guests and we also need a head count for seating and place settings . . . . I understand, but we really do need to know, that’s why we sent out the invitations six weeks in advance. . . . No, I’m afraid I really must have an answer. If you aren’t certain we will just have to mark you down as a ‘no’ and I hope to see you after the wedding so I can tell you all about it. Bye-ee!”
You must have missed the part of my post where I said that I’d have no trouble with telling the neighbor that yes, it was indeed too late to attend.
But that’s not the course of action that crazyjoe decided to take. Given that, I just wanted to point out that behavior we wouldn’t put up with people we don’t like is often easier to take with people we do like.
So you’re saying that if your best friend who had a daughter that was best friends with your daughter had a previous engagement to go to something they couldn’t get out of . . .like a wedding of a close relative, for instance. If the wedding got called off on the day of the party (because the night before the groom walked out on the bride) and your best friend called to say that she indeed could make it, you’d say no way, you’re just an inconsiderate selfish bitch?
Would your best friend take kindly to being called an inconsiderate selfish bitch? If so, you and I are different that way.
No. But how is that situation similar in any meaningful way to what happened with crazyjoe’s neighbor?
For example, in your hypothetical situation, my hypothetical best friend has presumably already let me know that she has to decline the invitation to my hypothetical daughter’s party because they have a prior engagement. For another example, in your hypothetical situation, my hypothetical best friend is apparently just giving me a heads-up that she’s unexpectedly free in case I choose to re-invite her at the last minute, not flatly telling me that she’s going to show up. So according to your description, neither my hypothetical friend nor her hypothetical daughter has actually done anything rude at all, in sharp contradistinction to the actions of the non-hypothetical inconsiderate selfish bitch in the OP.
Moreover, you’ll notice that nowhere in any of my posts have I suggested that it was appropriate to call the inconsiderate selfish bitch an inconsiderate selfish bitch to her face. In fact, I repeatedly stressed the importance of being polite even to people who are treating you rudely and inconsiderately.
So you may be sure that however my hypothetical best friend handled this situation, I would not actually end up telling her she was an inconsiderate selfish bitch. But if she did the things that the OP’s neighbor did—failing altogether to respond to my invitation and then, long after the RSVP deadline, leaving a message at the last minute to announce that “she’ll see me there”—you can bet that the phrase “inconsiderate selfish bitch” would be crossing my mind, best friend or no best friend.
In fact, I’d feel more angry if someone who was supposedly my best friend had jerked me around like that than if a stranger or mere acquaintance did so.
Am I the only one who thinks a bowling alley is a little much for a four-year-old’s birthday party? I think the most we ever did when we were kids was Pizza Hut.
It isn’t. And here’s why. When someone is a friend, you know more about their lives and you can easier call them up and ask then why they didn’t RSVP. The whole thing is easier. That was my whole point in suggesting that one invite their friends to these things that require headcount. For acquaintances and strangers, perhaps picnic in a park or something else more flexible. And of course, all of that is predicated on whether stretching it one way or the other is going to bug you.
In some party plans that I’ve been a part of, we just counted a percentage of extra places and considered that to be part of the event cost. If someone is not willing to do that because of cost, another type of event might be more appropriate for them.
Or of course, if getting angry and upset on the day of the party is your thing and that’s what you want to represent to your kids, then go for it.
Ah, that’s where we’re different. I’d be happier to see my friend at the party than upset that I had to squeeze in an extra chair.
They have these little ramps that they can put the ball on so it rolls down the lane. I reckon they got smart after so many kids would throw the ball in an arc, where it lands with a sickening BOOM! and dents the lane.
And yes, let it be decreed that those who fail to RSVP are SOL, OK?
Am I the only one who thinks that, not only was Madame McBitcherton well-aware of when littlecrazyjoette’s party was and protocol regarding such, but suddenly was able to attend because the door to another event she *had been *intending to go to was, politely or firmly, slammed in her face? If so, I wonder why.
I don’t know about you, but if I send somebody an invitation requesting an RSVP and they don’t respond, I have no problem at all getting in touch with them to inquire whether or not they actually intend to come to my party. I don’t feel I need to know anything “more about their lives” than where they’re planning to be at the date and time of the event to which I invited them.
Apparently the more significant difference between us is that you really suck at reading comprehension.
If you reread my post more carefully, you may manage to note that what actually bugs me in such behavior is not the trivial inconvenience of “having to squeeze in an extra chair”. Rather, it’s the inconsiderateness of failing to responding to an invitation, and the selfishness of just assuming that it’s okay to decide unilaterally at the last minute to show up, irrespective of the host’s expectations.
If my friend treats me with the elementary courtesy that’s appropriate for a guest to show to a host—such as responding to my invitations when requested to, and not just taking it for granted that she can unilaterally choose to show up with minimal advance notice—then of course I’ll be delighted to do what it takes to squeeze her into the party, if it turns out at the last minute that she’s unexpectedly able to attend.
If my so-called “friend” can’t be arsed even to treat me with that elementary courtesy…well, I don’t think most people would blame me for not being quite so delighted. Most people who can read well enough to understand what I’m actually objecting to, that is.
I still think it’s a little much. At 11.50 per person for a four-year-old’s birthday party.
Doesn’t anyone do homemade cake and little games at home anymore? I remember running around with my cousins and arguing over who got which part of the cake design. (I want the head!)
They’re being sort of crowded out by Chuck E. Cheese and other commercial party venues, but some folks still do 'em. (I recently helped some friends of mine with a party for their six-year-old that included a really kick-ass home-designed treasure hunt. Can you guess where this clue was telling them to look: “What connects your hip-o to your foot-o?” I made the chocolate velvet cupcakes with little silver charms in them like an Epiphany cake. A great time was had by all, but it was definitely much more work in preparation and cleanup than just hauling them all off to the local KiddyLanes.)
We do, sometimes. We give the kids a choice, though, like
“do you want to have a party at the house with all your friends with cake and games, etc., or do you want to go to (up)Chuck E. Cheese’s or the bowling alley with just a few of your friends?” Sometimes they choose the fewer friends option.
I think we did my oldest son’s 5th birthday at the bowling alley. Um, with 3 kids and middle-age onset CRS, they’re starting to blur together, unfortunately.
I made the chocolate velvet cupcakes with little silver charms in them like an Epiphany cake. A great time was had by all, but it was definitely much more work in preparation and cleanup than just hauling them all off to the local KiddyLanes.)