Yesterday my wife & I threw a party in celebration of the anniversary of our reconciliation, a few years back. We invited about 30 people, all family and close friends; my baby sister and I did the cooking. We sent out written invitations, and though all my siblings were invited (even my hated oldest brother), not all my first cousins were. (I have more than 20 of those, most of whom are married with kids.)
On Friday evening I started calling people on the list, partly to confirm who was coming and partly to make sure I hadn’t overlooked any dietary restrictions. As I did so, a few of my relatives indicated that they intended to bring their own guests. One of my nieces had in mind to bring THREE guests and wanted me to make sure to make a gluten-free cake; my father wanted to bring not merely his not-girlfriend but also his best friend/pastor; and baby sister had acquired a date. I told my niece, gently but firmly, that the party was for my family and friends, not people neither my wife nor I have ever met, so while she was free to bring a date I preferred not that she not bring two additional extra. With my father I was more blunt, as I actively despise his friend and think it best not to be in his presence when knives are close at hand; I told him that while his ladyfriend was welcome (I’d sent her a separate invite anyway), his pastor wasn’t. But I welcomed baby sister’s date, as I’ve been fighting the urge to set her up since she got divorced, and, anyway, she asked rather than announced.
Among rational folk that would have been that, but some of the Rhymers are nuts. Specifically my drama-loving sister commented during the cleanup that I should have allowed people to bring their own guests, arguing (truthfully enough) that at the three traditional Rhymer clan celebrations–Xmas, Turkey Day, and the now-defunct Church of God in Christ Convocation Sunday, people ALWAYS bring extra folks along–and given the length of the guest list, the Reconciliation Anniversary Barbecue was hardly an intimate affair. If I was going to allow baby sister’s date, I should have allowed the other three as well. I didn’t reply because of Rhymer Rules #5 (“No hitting chicks”) and #708 (“When dealing with a person whose only aim is to stir up shit, either punch in the neck or ignore–nothing in between”) but if I had, I would have said something like “Only country folk and the ghetto fabulous even consider issuing invitations to other people’s parties.”
But that’s just me. It’s possible I’m just being saditty. Any of you folks feel free to bring extra guests to family get-togethers being hosted by other persons? I’m not just talking about a party such as I describe; Xmas, New Year’s, Turkey Day, Labor Day, and the 4th of July also count. If you DO feel comfortable doing so, must you consult with the host first?