If it was a large, informal party and I had unexpected people to deal with, I would probably call and ask if I could bring them and if that was okay, I’d bring extra alcohol, food etc. to by way of thank you and compensating for the extra people.
Any other type of social situation would be off the table. At no point in time, would I bring or ask to bring kids and/pets (the person throwing said party would have to explicitly invite them).
In some circumstances I would, but I’d first check with the host of the party. And it could include children, especially if I knew other children were going to be at the party.
Yeah, I should have made myself clearer. If it was something informal like a kid’s birthday or a barbeque, I might ask to bring an extra child(ren) along, depending on where the party was being held. Anything adult-oriented though, I wouldn’t.
It depends on the nature of the party. If it’s a wild, drink til you puke, headbanger party, I might. But I haven’t been to one of those in a long time. For any other, I’d either ask the host or not bring the person.
This actually sort of came up yesterday. Two guys I work with wanted to have a meeting with me. Just me. It was a closed-door, hush hush meeting. When my project manager found out about it, she was livid. She insisted that I should have asked her to join us. Apparently, I am not allowed to go to any meetings without bringing her along.
For a large, informal party, yes. A backyard barbeque or housewarming or It’s Friday party kind of thing. Not for a sit down dinner party or someone’s baby shower or wedding, though.
I’ve never had a problem with it, either as the guest or the host. But there was An Incident about a month ago that had me seeing red. One of my goddaughters spontaneously invited another of my goddaughters to a friend’s (informal) -birthday party. These are 17-18 year old kids, party in the backyard kind of thing. When they got there, 2 hours away from home, the Birthday Douche and Invited Goddaughter’s Waste of Oxygen Boyfriend started yelling at them, telling them they didn’t want anyone there who wasn’t invited and they didn’t need poor kids (as in, financially poor) hanging around and what the fuck was she thinking?
Poor girl. Yeah, tag along goddaughter is poor, you entitled sons of syphilitic whores. So what? You couldn’t be nice to the girl and offer her a slice of pizza and root beer? She ended up taking the train back home all by herself, because Invited Goddaughter wanted to spend the night with Waste of Oxygen Boyfriend.
I was livid with all of them (except the outcast). Should Invited Goddaughter have called first to check if it was okay? Probably. But regardless, you just don’t act like that when you’re hosting or being honored at a party, in my book. And if you do breach etiquette by not calling first and your bring along isn’t welcome, you leave *with *them. Jerks, the lot of 'em.
It’s okay if it’s a big informal thing. Generally speaking the level of easy acceptance is higher for uninvited adults then for pets or children. Uninvited young children will get you sent home from my party toot sweet.
The only guest I would ever bring to a party uninvited would be my (hypothetical) SO. I think I’d only do this, too, provided that one person didn’t make a difference - like WhyNot’s example of a barbecue. If it were something like a Thanksgiving dinner or Passover seder, where the host needs to set places and provide sufficient food and drink for the exact number of people who are coming, I’d definitely call ahead. If someone specifically invited me to, say, lunch, I would not in any circumstances even suggest bringing anyone along.
Also (just because I’m Gen Y and it’s relevant) I would make sure that Hypothetical SO added themself to the Facebook guest list if there is one.
Only if the person inviting had specifically said ‘open invite’ or ‘bring whoever you like,’ which they sometimes do. Otherwise I’d just text to let them know.
If it was a party held in a pub or something (not in a private room) then I’d bring people without asking first.
I see the “call and ask the host if it’s okay” approach as problematic. It’s essentially asking the host to invite someone else to their party, which is rude, and it puts the host on the spot. How many are going to say “no” even if that’s how they feel?
Depends on the party and the method of inviting me.
Not in a million zillion years to something I got a written invitation to. OK - maybe there might be some circumstance where I’d call and explain and ask, but I can’t imagine what it would be.
A facebook invitation to “all friends” for an open house for someone who has 600 friends and which I’m intending to drop into for an hour or so, I would without calling.
Well, I’d only do it if I were reasonably sure there would be no problem, and I’d try to put the question in a way that would make it easier for the host to say “No” if it’s inconvenient. Most of the parties that I get invited to a pretty informal, so it usually won’t be a problem.
The exception is a wedding party, and I’d never think of bringing an extra uninvited person to that. (Back a long time ago, my then girlfriend – now my wife – was invited to the wedding of friends, and I wasn’t, even though I knew them equally well. It was my fault really, because we were going though an on-and-off stage in our relationship, but in any case there was no way that either of us were going to say that I should have been invited too. You don’t do that with weddings.) (And now, more than 30 years later, we are both still very good friends with the couple whose wedding I wasn’t invited to.)
Only if it was obviously the kind of party where that would be okay. And the less invited you are, the more you ought to bring in terms of beer or food or whatever, if it’s that sort of thing.
It’s tricky, but if I thought they might want to say no then I wouldn’t ask. For example, recently I went to a party and considered inviting my friend along, but decided not to because I thought it’d make the house too full - and my friend would have said yes to be polite.
But other times, asking is just politeness. If the party’s too empty, they can then be cheered at the thought of more people coming; or they can get out an extra chair or stick more beers in the fridge or whatever.
And, as someone currently planning a wedding, I vehemently hate all those who would. Twice now we’ve had someone respond to the invitation indicating that they were bringing another guest. Do people not understand how these things work?
From everything I’ve seen on the boards, I must regretfully say, “No, they don’t.”
I would bring an uninvited guest to a party, but it would have to be a particular type of not very formal party, and I would definitely call the host first (and I wouldn’t be bringing them unless it was somewhat necessary - an unexpected family member staying at my house for just one night, and I’ve already committed to the party, that kind of thing). I would not bring kids or pets or even ask about them - no one wants to say no to kids or pets, even if they really don’t want them.
Today, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to the apartment of a friend of hers (whom I’ve never met) so we can all hang out and watch some DVDs on Saturday. I said sure, and would it also be okay if I brought along another friend, who would probably also enjoy watching DVDs? I was told that she’d have to check, but it’d probably be fine.
I don’t feel bad or terribly uncouth about inviting along an extra person in this situation, considering how extremely informal it is.
I’d ask about kids in the sense of ‘is this the sort of party you can bring kids to?’ That only comes up for daytime parties, anyway, especially ones that are outdoors, and usually people state upfront. I have been told ‘no’ before - it was friends who have a kid (who was away at his Dad’s) and they wanted a completely grown-up party, which was fair enough.
If the host wanted you to bring someone they would say “…and guest” so you shouldn’t bring anyone. Otherwise decline the invite, saying, “you have company and can’t leave him/her alone for the evening”
This way it allows the host to let the matter drop or to extend the invitation to your company.
You’d say always no if its a formal thing, but you would bring along an uninvited guest over to watch dvds??? An uninvited guest is always an uninvited guest. Sure the person you’re bringing along might be swell, but then again they may not. It should be up to the host to decide whether or not to take the chance to find out which of the two types your friend will be. This dvd situation has happened to me once before and I havnt seen those folks again. The only thing I regret is not being more of an a$$#ole and letting the door hit them on the way out. The guest shouldnt take it upon themselves to decide who is at any given event, formal or informal. Yeesh, get a clue.
