"Should I come over to your party? Is there anyone there?"

Some people have actually called me up to ask that when I’ve thrown a get-together.

In my opinion it’s kind of rude. I’ve always refused to answer those queries directly, saying instead, “No, the party doesn’t start until you get here!”…or some other variation on “Come over and find out.”



Is this “party” just a drunken, nothing-better-to-do get-together of the college sort with random people from all over?

If so, why the insecurity? Quit wasting their time and just tell them. If you can’t throw a good enough party to actually have it be a party, being an ass to people on the phone won’t help the situation any. If your parties are awesome, just use it as a chance to brag and advertise.

Or is this a meaningful gathering of close friends with personalized invitations, the sort where people might actually notice that Individual X wasn’t there and miss them? If so, that’s awfully lame of the caller. I’d probably not invite him or her to future gatherings of the sort. And probably stop being friends with them altogether – they’d just be using you.

If your parties didn’t suck so bad, people wouldn’t ask, would they? :wink:

Well, if my parties sucked that bad, they wouldn’t even bother to call in the first place, now would they? :wink: :wink:

FWIW, the only parties I ever throw are get-togethers of friends and family who either know each other or know me. Everyone is invited for a reason.

Insecure, meet judgmental. Judgmental, meet insecure.

I’m wasting their time???

Hoo boy.

As if I didn’t have enough with the cooking and cleaning and decorations and party favors, calling me on the phone to ask me if they should come to a party that I already personally invited them to is a colossal waste of my time.

How am I being an ass? I thought I was being disarmingly flattering. The sense is, “The party never starts 'til you get there, buddy!:)”

Affirmative. And in the case of this person, that’s exactly what I did. :slight_smile:

Are you a chick or a dude? It makes a difference.

I think they’re being an ass for asking the question. Really it’s pretty rude of them - tantamount to admitting they don’t care about seeing you at all. They wouldn’t get future invites from me.

But being evasive on the phone is something that annoys me too (even though they probably deserve it in this case). In that case, a short and sweet direct answer is probably best - "Yes, there’s about 15 people here, we’d love you to come, I’m quite busy right now looking after everyone so we hope to see you soon. Bye.

I don’t think I understand the question. Is anyone there? Well yea it’s a party. Maybe they mean is anyone there that they know? I have been invited to parties where I didn’t know anyone except the host. Sometimes it’s horribly awkward, sometimes not.

The question makes me think of an old joke:

Q: Should I come over to your party?
A: *YOU *got an invitation???
Q: Is there anyone there?
A: *YOU *got an invitation???


I’m having a difficult time imagining a universe in which that ISN’T a rude question. If everyone took the attitude of that caller, then no one would ever show up. Come over when you’re ready to come over, or if you’re that concerned, just don’t bother. But don’t but the host with such a stupid question.

Incredibly rude.
What I’d LIKE to say is, “there are enough people here that you don’t need to bother coming to prop things up,” uninviting them, but I’d actually cave and give them an answer, because I’m a kind of a wuss.

Agreed. My experience with inviting people to parties is that they’re happy to be asked and happy to participate. They don’t put conditions on it.

Me, too. In fact the question strikes me as bizarre as well as rude. I can understand the desire to be fashionably late, or the desire to not be the only ones at a party, but what sane person calls to check like that?

They could at least try to disguise what they really want to know. How old are these people?

Q: “Should I come over to your party? Is there anyone there?”

A: “No one is here yet, but [insert number] people have called to ask if anyone is here.”

Exactly. It is rude - either you want to come to my party, or you don’t. If there aren’t enough cool people here for you to show up, don’t do me any favours.

HEE :stuck_out_tongue:


Heh, having thrown parties on a semi-professional basis, I have actually told people who called not to bother to show up if my party was lame. I’ve thrown both duds and rocking affairs with multiple hundreds of people.

Hoo-kay. Yes, it’s rude to ask who is there before deciding whether to attend a party. Besides the fact that I think so, I remember reading this in an etiquette book, as well.

I can see a less rude reason/interpretation for calling.

I know Bob well. I see him all the time…old friend, close neighbor, work with him, distant relative, whatever.

Bob’s throwing a party. I see Bob all the time anyway. I call to see if Rob and John and whoever, who I RARELY see, are there. If I am not in a big party mood, nobody is there I wanna see, why should I crowd out Bob’s party, eat Bobs food, drink his beer, mess up his abode, to only see Bob, who I see all the time anyway, and who will probably be too busy being a host, to talk with much in the first place.

I appreciate Bob inviting me, but unless Bob is inherently going to take it personally by me not going …

Now, if I rarely see Bob, and I am only going to come if better people than Bob are there then that is rude…

Not that I’d ever make that kinda call, but I can see a not so rude interpretation of it.

I would answer in this way:
“Whose presence would make your attendance a sure thing? Or conversely, whose attendance would make you decide to stay at home? Let me know and I can tell you if they are/are not here.”