On the day of the affair, do you call the host beforehand to see how many people are coming…since you really don’t want to be the only guest there, as has happened before? Or would this be rude?
Rude.
Decide to go, or don’t. Decide to stay or don’t.
But calling the hostess to ask, “Is anyone else there yet?”, is rude no matter how you slice it, in my mind.
So it’s inappropriate for me to want to attend a party, not a private dinner affair? I can deal with the former. I don’t want to deal with the latter. Not again!
If I bail out now, isn’t THIS rude?
I’ll usually only go to a last minute party if it’s put on by someone I would want to see no matter what, a good friend.
The polite way to find out how many people are attending, or have been asked, is to say you’re bringing food or drink to share and you want to make sure to bring enough.
I sent a text to the host to confirm that he’s still planning to have people over.
It turns out that I am indeed the singular surprise of a “surprise” party.
Oh well. I told him I can only stay 30 minutes and he seemed fine with this. It’s character building. Suck it up and deal, monstro.
Buy a bottle of wine. Turn on your oven. Go to the party. If no one else is there, remember that you left the oven on and leave.
Seriously, it is just go or don’t go.
I know I need to work on saying “no”. But I said yes when I thought it was a party, which is how he had worded things when he called me up a few days ago
I wouldn’t have said yes if he had said I was going to be the centerpiece.
So the compromise is “yes, but I’m only staying a little while.” Of course, I’ll be heaped with scorn for leaving early, and I hope I don’t lose my temper when it happens.
I feel guilty about this, because I don’t want to be rude. But I feel like the accusation of rudeness is waiting for me no matter what decision I make.
I’m angry. I hate this feeling. :mad:
Easy there Monstro, be calm and think a minute. The person thinks enough of you to ask, must know some of your habbits, and that you are at least house broke. Deep breath now, everything will be in your hands, cant get much better than that. Bring a favorit drink, share a story, laught and enjoy, then when it is time, let it end with joy and friendship. both good things. All will be well, and you are too, stop letting self doubt eat at you. If these people are users then you would have said no at the start.
If you really want to ensure you’re not all alone - take someone else along. It’s supposed to be a party, after all!
What are you doing returning to another, ‘evening event’, if he’s tricked you once already? And by tricked, I mean, carefully worded his invitation to imply one thing to you, but it was actually something else. That doesn’t happen by accident. Especially not twice. I’m just saying!
If he is giving a false impression (saying it’s a party when it’s really a date, for example) it’s all on him. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Typically, if I’m on the fence about a party, I’ll bring a friend or I’ll ask around and see who else is going.
I came in to say exactly this!
Years ago, in my sexy wild youth, I was also invited to a “come when you can” party and got a bit suspicious. I took a friend, and was glad I did - I think the two hosts thought this was going to be a three-way orgy party…needless to say, nobody else had been invited and I was truly glad to have my friend come with me so we could duck out after about 30 minutes of uncomfortable chit-chat.
I doubt that is the reason for your get together, but still - having your own guest come along with you gives you an easy out - you both have plans to go see a film or whatever.
Sure, it’s rude, but, depending on how close you are, it might be an acceptable level of rudeness. Only you can be the judge of that.
They aren’t users. They just work my nerve sometimes.
So now I’m worried about what lie I’m going to tell to get out of there.
Well just do the oven thing, then you won’t have to lie. You could throw a turkey in there before you leave so you aren’t just wasting the gas and electricity. And if it turns out to be a good party you’ll have something to eat when you get home.
ETA: Also, what is a ‘come when you can’ party anyway? If it means arrive any time, that’s what all parties are for me. Other interpretations could get interesting.
“I’m firing pottery in my backyard kiln. I’ve got to go and make sure nothing has exploded.”
Saying you left your oven on is exactly the same as saying “I want to leave now”. It’s not remotely a polite excuse, because no one will believe you.
This “party” is basically just you going over to hang out/have dinner? Do they need to trick you into going over? Did all the other people bail? I don’t get it.
I think it’s a combination of it’s 1) last minute, 2) everyone is tired of “celebrating” this person, since she just had a wedding shower and a wedding (yesterday was her birthday), and 3) she just doesn’t have a lot of friends. The last time she had a party thrown for her, I was one of three non-familial guests. It made me feel very awkward…and then I almost lost my temper when they wouldn’t let me leave.
I have no idea what to expect when I get over there, which is 90% of my trepidation about the whole thing. But I will go over there with some cookies and hope for the best.
Why didn’t you call the police? Or grow a pair (of whatever two things you’re missing)?
ETA: and why didn’t you say ‘no way Jose’ when you were invited to another one?
Call the police? Christ.
monstro, just don’t go. Sounds like this person they are “celebrating” is of no interest to you. Call them up and say I thought I could spare 30 min but turns out I can’t.
I went. I was a singleton for a while and then some other people came. But it wasn’t too bad, and I was able to leave when I wanted to.