The Cheesiest Song of All Time

[HeyHomie]

Use your own definition of "cheesy."

I nominate Glen Campbell's Rhinestone Cowboy.

[Jas09]

Hm. Maybe Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler?

[bunnymom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBYV_7a0FQs

Captain & Tennille - Muskrat Love

[TriPolar]

Afternoon Delight

[runner pat]

Originally Posted by Jas09

Hm. Maybe Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler?

The literal video makes up for it.

[Jackmannii]

"She's Having My Baby" - Paul Anka.

In college radio days we'd play an excerpt from this song with sound effects of a woman screaming in the background. Immature but fun.

[koeeoaddi]

Too many to choose a definitive one, but Never Been to Me, by Charlene is pretty damn cheesy.

[Saintly Loser]

Allow me to nominate this amazing piece of stinky cheese.

[Evil Captor]

I'll do my part by nominating Young Girl, the pederast's lament. Dedicated to Traci Lords. I'm sure someone else will be along to nominate "Wildfire" and "Timothy."

[Ellen Cherry]

http://youtu.be/x78vEaND8yA

"Rocky," my standard recommendation.

[Dendarii Dame]

I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.

[runner pat]

Blind Man In The Bleachers-David Geddes

[Tamerlane]

I'll throw out In the Year 2525 as a contender.

[runner pat]

Originally Posted by Tamerlane

I'll throw out In the Year 2525 as a contender.

Argent Towers is going to hunt you down.

[dataguy]

Islands in the Stream
Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

If you pay attention to the words, they sound like a bunch of random song titles strung together.

[Tibby or Not Tibby]

I vacillate between thinking this the cheesiest song, or the greatest piece of music ever created in Western Civilization. Perhaps it's both.

[The Second Stone]

Patches

[Susie Derkins]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FyjKQvWKw8

Butterfly Kisses.

[Lute Skywatcher]

Originally Posted by Dendarii Dame

I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.

I have a cover of that, and a cover of "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" by the same group. Just a bit more tolerable than the originals.

[Sr Siete]

The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Oh, stop it with the "How DARE you?!" looks. Examine your feelings, you know it to be true.

[Amateur Barbarian]

Wow, tough crowd... but I find none to disagree with. I clicked in with "Muskrat Love" at the top of my list, and it remains there, but there's some serious contention in here.

I'll add Barry Manilow's "Mandy," though. In close competition with "Copacabana."

We used to have a rock station that played this dreck every Wednesday morning for an hour, and it was painfully fun to listen through the hour. Can't remember the name of the show - Crappy something. I still remember (and love) their catchline: "Don't touch that dial... it's got CRAP on it!"

[panache45]

Since it's beginning to look a lot like that season again . . .

Christmas Shoes.

[Lacunae Matata]

My nomination: "Teddy Bear," by Red Sovine. Cheesier even than that damned Christmas shoes song. Cheese-tastic. Cheesy-riffic.

"This hot load of freight is just gonna have to wait."

[runner pat]

Originally Posted by panache45

Since it's beginning to look a lot like that season again . . .

Christmas Shoes.

That's the Casu Marzu of cheesy songs.

[BMalion]

Delta Dawn 1972

I believe Helen Reddy's version was the worst.

[Morbo]

No votes yet for McArthur Park? I'd say it wins in a landslide.

"Someone left the cake out in the raaaain
I don't think that I can taaaake it
Cause it took so long to baaaake it
And I'll never have that recipe agaaaaaaaain, oh nooooooo!"

[pkbites]

Originally Posted by BMalion

Delta Dawn 1972

I believe Helen Reddy's version was the worst.

How about my version? Cheesy, no?

[JohnT]

Brandy, You're a Fine Girl, by Looking Glass.

[gaffa]

Originally Posted by Morbo

No votes yet for McArthur Park? I'd say it wins in a landslide.

"Someone left the cake out in the raaaain
I don't think that I can taaaake it
Cause it took so long to baaaake it
And I'll never have that recipe agaaaaaaaain, oh nooooooo!"

I saw Jimmy Webb in concert, while he talked about that song, he did not play it.

[BMalion]

Well, you know what they say,

Love Is Like Oxygen.

[DSYoungEsq]

While some of the songs mentioned are certainly bad songs, but most of them are not "cheesy". A cheesy song in my opinion has trite, bad lyrics that make you wish you'd never spent the money on purchasing the record, because you paid too much. It's a love song that makes you cringe with the over-used metaphors, a protest song that doesn't make you want to do anything but roll your eyes. Star Wars was a great movie, though it certainly felt a lot like Bonanza in space. Battlestar Galactica (the original version), was a cheesy knock-off.

It's not enough for a song to be cheesy that it have bad lyrics (else everything America sang would be cheesy). Many people consider Honey cheesy because it telegraphs exactly where it's going long before you get to the final verse and the circle is completed. This fact, combined with the rather predictable key change before the last verse, the swelling of the orchestra, etc., for many people didn't make them feel empathetic, but nauseated instead.

My personal cheesy favorite was going to be Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks. I had a friend in jr. high school who turned it into a song about being sad about appliance brands. Seemed very appropos, somehow. "We had Gaffers and Sattler, we had Maytag, too..."

[johnpost]

Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise
by William Bolcom

[zoid]

Seasons in the sun

[Slithy Tove]

I couldn't find a YouTube of Clare Tory's UK cover of Dolly Parton's Love is Like a Butterfly, but I think you know what it sounds like.

The terrible, ireconcilable fact, however, is that Clare Tory also sang the female vocals on Pink Floyd's Great Gig in the Sky, and even successfully sued for songwriting credit.

[pkbites]

Originally Posted by zoid

Seasons in the sun

Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you'd have heard THIS stinker

"Put the bone in, she begged him!"

[voltaire]

How could it be anything other than The Safety Dance?

[TreacherousCretin]

Originally Posted by Dendarii Dame

I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.

My nominee as well.

[the_diego]

Those two songs best sung when you sound like a retard:

"...sorry, can't be puh-fek..."

"...and the reason is yohhh..."

[pkbites]

Dear Mr. jesus

[TreacherousCretin]

Originally Posted by Evil Captor

I'll do my part by nominating Young Girl, the pederast's lament.

Certainly the most blatant of GP's underage sex ballads, but to me it's more pathetic/disturbing than cheesy. I actually had the "privelege" of seeing GP & The Union Gap sing these odes in 1968. Can't remember who they opened for.

[Ellen Cherry]

Originally Posted by pkbites

Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you'd have heard THIS stinker

"Put the bone in, she begged him!"

I wouldn't call this cheesy. I would call this the most unrelentingly bad song ever recorded.

[Labtrash]

Originally Posted by Dendarii Dame

I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.

+1

[SCAdian]

Ray Stevens - Everything Is Beautiful

[Askance]

Honey is indeed as cheesy as cheesy cheese can be, but I'd like to see some votes for Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'round the Old Oak Tree.

[WOOKINPANUB]

That is a lot of fromage, people. And while I can't argue with any of these fine examples of curdled milk product, I think you're grasping at some low hanging fruit. Most of these are songs from the 70s, the very decade of cheese personification (by the way, nobody nominated One Tin Soldier?)

How about R. Kelly's horrendous I Believe I can Fly? Makes me stabby like a fondue fork in the eye.

To be really up to date, the ubiquitous One Direction's hit What Makes You Beautiful contains not only a blatant ripoff of the bass line from "Summer Nights",but the truly craptasric line" . . . the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed".

[Chipacabra]

One Night in Bangkok.

... ... Wait, you didn't say "Chessiest?"

[Trepa Mayfield]

Originally Posted by panache45

Since it's beginning to look a lot like that season again . . .

Christmas Shoes.

On that note, there's also Last Christmas.

[hogarth]

Man! All of my best suggestions have already been mentioned (One Tin Soldier, Teddy Bear, Brandy, etc.).

I guess I'll add Razzamatazz by John Travolta. And Escape (Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Originally Posted by pkbites

Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you'd have heard THIS stinker

"Put the bone in, she begged him!"

Jesus Christ.

[Cat Whisperer]

Your love is like, Bad Medicine, Bad Medicine, it's what I need, oh woh woh. I hate this frigging piece of fromage.

If you aren't sold yet, here are the lyrics.