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  #1  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:38 AM
HeyHomie HeyHomie is offline
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The Cheesiest Song of All Time

Use your own definition of "cheesy."

I nominate Glen Campbell's Rhinestone Cowboy.
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  #2  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:47 AM
Jas09 Jas09 is offline
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Hm. Maybe Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler?
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  #3  
Old 11-18-2012, 10:18 AM
bunnymom bunnymom is offline
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBYV_7a0FQs

Captain & Tennille - Muskrat Love
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  #4  
Old 11-18-2012, 10:29 AM
TriPolar TriPolar is online now
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Afternoon Delight
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  #5  
Old 11-18-2012, 10:35 AM
running coach running coach is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jas09 View Post
Hm. Maybe Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler?
The literal video makes up for it.
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  #6  
Old 11-18-2012, 10:36 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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"She's Having My Baby" - Paul Anka.

In college radio days we'd play an excerpt from this song with sound effects of a woman screaming in the background. Immature but fun.
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  #7  
Old 11-18-2012, 10:37 AM
koeeoaddi koeeoaddi is offline
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Too many to choose a definitive one, but Never Been to Me, by Charlene is pretty damn cheesy.
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  #8  
Old 11-18-2012, 11:44 AM
Saintly Loser Saintly Loser is offline
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Allow me to nominate this amazing piece of stinky cheese.

Last edited by Saintly Loser; 11-18-2012 at 11:44 AM..
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  #9  
Old 11-18-2012, 12:10 PM
Evil Captor Evil Captor is online now
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I'll do my part by nominating Young Girl, the pederast's lament. Dedicated to Traci Lords. I'm sure someone else will be along to nominate "Wildfire" and "Timothy."
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  #10  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:08 PM
Ellen Cherry Ellen Cherry is offline
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http://youtu.be/x78vEaND8yA

"Rocky," my standard recommendation.
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  #11  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:09 PM
Dendarii Dame Dendarii Dame is offline
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I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.
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  #12  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:15 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Blind Man In The Bleachers-David Geddes
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  #13  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:22 PM
Tamerlane Tamerlane is offline
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I'll throw out In the Year 2525 as a contender.
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  #14  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:26 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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I'll throw out In the Year 2525 as a contender.
Argent Towers is going to hunt you down.
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  #15  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:35 PM
dataguy dataguy is offline
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Islands in the Stream
Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

If you pay attention to the words, they sound like a bunch of random song titles strung together.
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  #16  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:39 PM
Tibby or Not Tibby Tibby or Not Tibby is offline
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I vacillate between thinking this the cheesiest song, or the greatest piece of music ever created in Western Civilization. Perhaps it's both.
__________________
“Do you believe in such nonsense?” "No, but they say it works even if you don't believe in it.”—Niels Bohr
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  #17  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:41 PM
The Second Stone The Second Stone is online now
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Patches
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  #18  
Old 11-18-2012, 01:44 PM
Susie Derkins Susie Derkins is offline
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FyjKQvWKw8

Butterfly Kisses.
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  #19  
Old 11-18-2012, 02:04 PM
Skywatcher Skywatcher is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dendarii Dame View Post
I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.
I have a cover of that, and a cover of "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" by the same group. Just a bit more tolerable than the originals.
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  #20  
Old 11-18-2012, 02:20 PM
Sr Siete Sr Siete is online now
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The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Oh, stop it with the "How DARE you?!" looks. Examine your feelings, you know it to be true.
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  #21  
Old 11-18-2012, 02:26 PM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is online now
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Wow, tough crowd... but I find none to disagree with. I clicked in with "Muskrat Love" at the top of my list, and it remains there, but there's some serious contention in here.

I'll add Barry Manilow's "Mandy," though. In close competition with "Copacabana."

We used to have a rock station that played this dreck every Wednesday morning for an hour, and it was painfully fun to listen through the hour. Can't remember the name of the show - Crappy something. I still remember (and love) their catchline: "Don't touch that dial... it's got CRAP on it!"
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  #22  
Old 11-18-2012, 02:33 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Since it's beginning to look a lot like that season again . . .

Christmas Shoes.
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  #23  
Old 11-18-2012, 02:33 PM
Lacunae Matata Lacunae Matata is offline
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My nomination: "Teddy Bear," by Red Sovine. Cheesier even than that damned Christmas shoes song. Cheese-tastic. Cheesy-riffic.

"This hot load of freight is just gonna have to wait."

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  #24  
Old 11-18-2012, 02:39 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Since it's beginning to look a lot like that season again . . .

Christmas Shoes.
That's the Casu Marzu of cheesy songs.
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  #25  
Old 11-18-2012, 03:36 PM
BMalion BMalion is offline
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Delta Dawn 1972

I believe Helen Reddy's version was the worst.

Last edited by BMalion; 11-18-2012 at 03:38 PM..
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  #26  
Old 11-18-2012, 03:54 PM
Morbo Morbo is offline
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No votes yet for McArthur Park? I'd say it wins in a landslide.

"Someone left the cake out in the raaaain
I don't think that I can taaaake it
Cause it took so long to baaaake it
And I'll never have that recipe agaaaaaaaain, oh nooooooo!"
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  #27  
Old 11-18-2012, 04:26 PM
pkbites pkbites is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMalion View Post
Delta Dawn 1972

I believe Helen Reddy's version was the worst.

How about my version? Cheesy, no?
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  #28  
Old 11-18-2012, 04:32 PM
JohnT JohnT is offline
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Brandy, You're a Fine Girl, by Looking Glass.
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  #29  
Old 11-18-2012, 05:07 PM
gaffa gaffa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morbo View Post
No votes yet for McArthur Park? I'd say it wins in a landslide.

"Someone left the cake out in the raaaain
I don't think that I can taaaake it
Cause it took so long to baaaake it
And I'll never have that recipe agaaaaaaaain, oh nooooooo!"
I saw Jimmy Webb in concert, while he talked about that song, he did not play it.
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  #30  
Old 11-18-2012, 05:30 PM
BMalion BMalion is offline
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Well, you know what they say,

Love Is Like Oxygen.
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  #31  
Old 11-18-2012, 05:43 PM
DSYoungEsq DSYoungEsq is offline
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While some of the songs mentioned are certainly bad songs, but most of them are not "cheesy". A cheesy song in my opinion has trite, bad lyrics that make you wish you'd never spent the money on purchasing the record, because you paid too much. It's a love song that makes you cringe with the over-used metaphors, a protest song that doesn't make you want to do anything but roll your eyes. Star Wars was a great movie, though it certainly felt a lot like Bonanza in space. Battlestar Galactica (the original version), was a cheesy knock-off.

It's not enough for a song to be cheesy that it have bad lyrics (else everything America sang would be cheesy). Many people consider Honey cheesy because it telegraphs exactly where it's going long before you get to the final verse and the circle is completed. This fact, combined with the rather predictable key change before the last verse, the swelling of the orchestra, etc., for many people didn't make them feel empathetic, but nauseated instead.

My personal cheesy favorite was going to be Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks. I had a friend in jr. high school who turned it into a song about being sad about appliance brands. Seemed very appropos, somehow. "We had Gaffers and Sattler, we had Maytag, too..."
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  #32  
Old 11-18-2012, 05:52 PM
johnpost johnpost is offline
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Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise
by William Bolcom
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  #33  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:00 PM
zoid zoid is offline
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Seasons in the sun
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  #34  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:33 PM
Slithy Tove Slithy Tove is offline
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I couldn't find a YouTube of Clare Tory's UK cover of Dolly Parton's Love is Like a Butterfly, but I think you know what it sounds like.

The terrible, ireconcilable fact, however, is that Clare Tory also sang the female vocals on Pink Floyd's Great Gig in the Sky, and even successfully sued for songwriting credit.
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  #35  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:35 PM
pkbites pkbites is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zoid View Post
Seasons in the sun
Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you'd have heard THIS stinker

"Put the bone in, she begged him!"
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  #36  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:36 PM
voltaire voltaire is offline
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How could it be anything other than The Safety Dance?
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  #37  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:38 PM
TreacherousCretin TreacherousCretin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dendarii Dame View Post
I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.
My nominee as well.
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  #38  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:39 PM
the_diego the_diego is offline
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Those two songs best sung when you sound like a retard:

"...sorry, can't be puh-fek..."

"...and the reason is yohhh..."
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  #39  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:47 PM
pkbites pkbites is online now
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Dear Mr. jesus
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  #40  
Old 11-18-2012, 06:49 PM
TreacherousCretin TreacherousCretin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evil Captor View Post
I'll do my part by nominating Young Girl, the pederast's lament.
Certainly the most blatant of GP's underage sex ballads, but to me it's more pathetic/disturbing than cheesy. I actually had the "privelege" of seeing GP & The Union Gap sing these odes in 1968. Can't remember who they opened for.
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  #41  
Old 11-18-2012, 07:41 PM
Ellen Cherry Ellen Cherry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbites View Post
Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you'd have heard THIS stinker

"Put the bone in, she begged him!"
I wouldn't call this cheesy. I would call this the most unrelentingly bad song ever recorded.
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  #42  
Old 11-18-2012, 07:52 PM
Labtrash Labtrash is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dendarii Dame View Post
I am staggered by how many of these songs I own--all but two!

I, however, nominate Bobby Goldsboro's Honey, which I don't own.


+1
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  #43  
Old 11-18-2012, 07:59 PM
SCAdian SCAdian is offline
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Ray Stevens - Everything Is Beautiful

Last edited by SCAdian; 11-18-2012 at 08:03 PM..
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  #44  
Old 11-18-2012, 08:20 PM
Askance Askance is offline
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Honey is indeed as cheesy as cheesy cheese can be, but I'd like to see some votes for Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'round the Old Oak Tree.
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  #45  
Old 11-18-2012, 08:47 PM
WOOKINPANUB WOOKINPANUB is offline
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That is a lot of fromage, people. And while I can't argue with any of these fine examples of curdled milk product, I think you're grasping at some low hanging fruit. Most of these are songs from the 70s, the very decade of cheese personification (by the way, nobody nominated One Tin Soldier?)

How about R. Kelly's horrendous I Believe I can Fly? Makes me stabby like a fondue fork in the eye.

To be really up to date, the ubiquitous One Direction's hit What Makes You Beautiful contains not only a blatant ripoff of the bass line from "Summer Nights",but the truly craptasric line" . . . the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed".
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  #46  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:06 PM
Chipacabra Chipacabra is offline
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One Night in Bangkok.

... ... Wait, you didn't say "Chessiest?"
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  #47  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:13 PM
Trepa Mayfield Trepa Mayfield is offline
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Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Since it's beginning to look a lot like that season again . . .

Christmas Shoes.
On that note, there's also Last Christmas.
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  #48  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:25 PM
hogarth hogarth is offline
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Man! All of my best suggestions have already been mentioned (One Tin Soldier, Teddy Bear, Brandy, etc.).

I guess I'll add Razzamatazz by John Travolta. And Escape (Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes.

Last edited by hogarth; 11-18-2012 at 09:27 PM..
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  #49  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:30 PM
Vinyl Turnip Vinyl Turnip is offline
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Originally Posted by pkbites View Post
Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you'd have heard THIS stinker

"Put the bone in, she begged him!"
Jesus Christ.
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  #50  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:59 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is online now
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Your love is like, Bad Medicine, Bad Medicine, it's what I need, oh woh woh. I hate this frigging piece of fromage.

If you aren't sold yet, here are the lyrics.
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