who is 26 years old, never had a gf, and hasn’t been laid in about two years.
I offer myself to provide entertainment to you dopers and hopefully gain some insight.
Also, I know the term “nice guy” sends some dopers into a tiff, so please keep in mind I use the term rather loosely.
So, I don’t want to provide too much information to prevent assumptions being made.
Ask away!
Are you basically shy?
What makes you nice? The nicest guy I know will drop whatever he’s doing to help someone else. Helps friends and family move. Late for work in order to help someone change a flat. Treats everyone regardless of age or appearance with respect. What attitude or activities make you nice?
Yeah, why do you call yourself a Nice Guy, with capital letters and everything? The nicest, most decent men I know would never refer to themselves that way. They’d say “Well, I’m ok, I guess, but I’ve got my flaws too!” If it was pointed out.
Do you resent women as a group?
How about men?
Whom do you resent more?
Is part of your ‘nice’ that you don’t want to have sex outside of a relationship?
How often do you socialize with females? How often do you socialize with males?
Sometimes, I can be. In my past,(3 years ago and prior) I was because I was pretty depressed. Now, not really. I’m pretty outgoing.
Are you truly kind? Or are you the stereotypical “nice guy” who thinks that, just because he laid down and became a doormat for someone else, they now owe him their attention?
Based on your very brief description, I’d guess the latter. And my other guess is that you are really passive and really afraid of confrontation. Are you able to assert yourself at work? With family? Is it only women you allow to walk all over you? Are you looking for ways to become a truly kind person and drop the whole “nice (passive-aggressive) guy act”?
Stop referring to yourself as a nice guy for the following reasons:
It’s a turn off.
It won’t get you bonus points.
It makes you sound entitled to any woman merely because you’re nice.
It’s just absolutely obnoxious.
If you want a relationship or to get laid, you need to stop the nice guy routine.
Can I borrow a twenty?
Are you really this nice?
Is the feeling like a scumbag what makes you nice, or the fact that you stopped talking to the women you used to get laid so as not to hurt their feelings?
Also, did it occur to you that stopping talking to those women might also cause hurt feelings?
Troopus - As I said, I use the term nice guy “loosely.” It’s mostly just a euphimism for “having trouble securing relationships with women.” I used that term so everyone knows where I’m coming from. I would say I’m generally nice though because I have a positive attitude and don’t really insult others on a regular basis. However, I cannot say the same for my past. I have been a downright asshole in some circumstances with women.
Beware of Doug
I do not resent women, overall. I see some aspects of women that I don’t like but with limited experience it’s difficult for me to make a judgement. However, I think I’m young enough to not have reached that stage yet.
I’m not resentful of men. Most of my best friends are men. However, I can be jealous. I look at other guys who establish relationships with women and think I would be a lot better for the woman in question.
I don’t resent either as a group overall. My guy friends have been there for me and have also let me down. Women, were mostly just not there to begin with.
Sicks Ate
Vita Beata -
Dogzilla-
Yes, I do think that I am kind. I do look for ways to expand my depth of compassion and knowledge. Some of my favorite authors recently have been Kahlil Gibran, Johann von Goethe, Emerson, and Don Miguel Ruiz. I’d consider myself a bleeding heart liberal, if that means anything to you.
I haven’t always been that way, though. In my past, I have been a complete dickhead and reputation has a way of following you around within a circle of friends
With that being said, I’m really not that passive. In fact, its the opposite. I think that I am mostly too eager, too aggressive and I scare women away.
However, I do have a weakness for letting women get away with things I know that are not right. For instance, the last romantic relationship I had (3 years ago), I watched as she made out with my friend. Subsequently, I learned that she had sex with him. After all that, I still tried to make it work for another year-and-a-half until it blew up in my face.
Modern master
Lost 4 Life
Sicks Ate/Dogzilla
For me, this attitude is why I avoid “Nice Guys” like the plague. Those other women have eyes and brains. If you were better than the man they have, they would pick you. They didn’t. So you aren’t.
I’ve encountered those people a lot, especially when I’m at a bar with my girlfriend. It’s very annoying. I can tell you that she appreciates it a lot less than I do. The guys are usually around 24 to 28 years of age (give or take a few years).
With this attitude, you’re going to ruin relationships with your friends; plus, you’ll never be able to have a healthy relationship with a woman.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Troppus View Post
For me, this attitude is why I avoid “Nice Guys” like the plague. Those other women have eyes and brains. If you were better than the man they have, they would pick you. They didn’t. So you aren’t.
I will third this. My wife and I run into this situation quite a bit (often at a bar too!). The people in question think they’re hiding this feeling or being subtle, but they’re not even close. My wife is insulted by this, I usually feel bad for the person. You should stop.
(You should have lent me the twenty).
I hate to be the one to say this but I think some of you are missing the point to this thread…