There have been many threads on this board about the plight of the “nice guy.” What about the female equivalent, if there is one? Is a “nice girl” a bad thing to be? What typifies her?
I dated lots of “nice girls.” Here’s the analogue to the “nice guy.”
No personality. She’s pleasant, but doesn’t (can’t?) hold up her end of a conversation.
Passive. Seems to have no real likes or dislikes.
Reactive. She waits for the guy to make the move: he’s the one who asks her out, who picks the time and place.
Non-commital. Maybe she had a nice time, maybe she didn’t. You can’t really tell unless you ask her out again. She’ll either accept or reject, but pretty much in the same tone of voice.
Basically a nice girl’s only contribution to the evening was to give me someone to talk to.
I’m not sure what to call it, but I think the female equivalent is the type who asks you if she’s fat, and if you say no, she keeps on insisting you be honest, and finally you give up in disgust and say, “Yes, all right, you’re fat!”
And then she bursts into tears and says you don’t love her and blah blah blah. She wants you to read her mind constantly. If she’s upset, and you notice, and ask her what’s up, she’ll say nothing, she doesn’t want to talk about it. But if you honor that wish, she pouts because you didn’t press her and INSIST on finding out what’s bothering her. She never tells you anything straight out-you’re supposed to KNOW without being told-anything from her favorite flower to her cat’s birthday. And if you don’t do these things, you’re a horrible pig.
You can’t win-if you say, “No, I didn’t look at that girl,” you’re a liar. If you admit, “Yeah, I was just looking at her,” she freaks out and insists you don’t love her.
I guess you could call her Contrary Girl.
I think the “nice girl” is the direct analog of the “nice guy” with almost the same personality and same quirks.
They are the best friend but never the girlfriend. The one you go to on dating advise when you never realize they like you.
It’s fairly point for point the same
I think a big problem is that most guys will go ahead and sleep with the “nice girl,” if ONLY because she’s there and available.
I imagine they get shat on 10x the way nice guys are.
I think most ‘nice guys’ would be happy with that situation!
I’m a nice girl. Wayyyy too nice. I have a hard time saying no, and end up doing whatever I can to make others happy. This usually results in me sacrificing my happiness, of course.
I’ve been walked all over and used too many times. I’m getting better, though. It’s getting a little easier, although it’s always at least a bit hard since I’ve been that way my entire life.
I just hope I can eventually find someone who actually appreciates me. My current boyfriend constantly tells me I’m so good to him, but honestly, I don’t get much back in return. It leaves me feeling a bit unappreciated.
One of the hallmarks of Nice Guys is contempt for the opposite sex and whoever they’ve chosen to date rather than the Nice Guy. Witness:
“I’m too nice to get a date because all women like to date assholes.”
“She wouldn’t go out with me again because I’m too nice and she didn’t appreciate the four dozen roses and the string quartet I surprised her with on our second date.”
“Women date assholes, and then once they’re done with that, they settle for nice guys.” (Example from a previous Nice Guy thread)
What would be the Nice Girl equivalent to this attitude?
I’m a Nice Guy, and I don’t hold contempt for women. I rather like them, actually.
Hm. The Plight of the Nice Guy…
It’s been said that women like to date jerks. I think the problem with us Nice Guys is that we are not assertive enough. That is, we understand that many women are ‘hit on’ by guys all the time. We don’t want to come off as ‘wanting only one thing’, so we wait for the woman to make the first move. They expect the guy to make advances, so they don’t. I think they just get tired of waiting. Hence, the guys who make advances (the ‘Jerks’) are the ones who get the girls. It’s our own fault we don’t get any play.
So what’s a ‘Nice Girl’? That’s harder to answer. I see a Nice Girl as being a romanticist. She doesn’t want to ‘just have sex’. Like the Nice Guy, she wants a relationship with someone who respects her and whom she can respect. I think Nice Girls tend to be intelligent, persuing other interests. Which is not to suggest they are all prudes. I think that they just want more than sex.
Of course, a Nice Girl is probably unlikely to initiate a relationship. I think, like Nice Guys, they are insecure. Nice Girls and Nice Guys belong together, but neither wants to offend the other by taking the initiative.
So Nice Girls… If you see a Nice Guy riding his motorcycle, walking round with a video camera, paddling a kayak, or driving a dirty Jeep with helicopter and pilot stickers on it, flag him down and get to know him! 
What’s a nice girl anyway?
Somebody that’s polite and chews food with her mouth closed?
Somebody that doesn’t have (visible) tatoos?
A girl you’d bring home to mother?
A girl that’s still a virgin?
Conservative dresser?
What?
In my opinion, any girl who meets all of the above criteria is may as well be a nun.
“Nice” girls with no interesting past are boring. Of course, it can be argued that how interesting one’s past is is completely subjective. Still, for me there has to be some substantial life experience. A little risk, adventure, heartbreak, success, a streak of independence and self assurance that nice girls often don’t exhibit.
I don’t want a woman who looks like she’s been ridden hard and put away wet. I want intellect, class, self respect, independance and a bit of vulnerability thrown in. Oh, and a healthy sex drive. That seals the deal.
Yes, there is a version of the nice girl, and yes, I have fallen into that category for far too long, though I have, in the past few years, clawed my way out of that pit.
The nice girl sits quietly, wistfully thinking about the guy she likes, and probably manages to completely miss the guy who is interested in her. The nice girl goes out with guys who are broken - not in a Bad Boy sort of way, but in a “oh, the poor dear, no one understands him. Only I can help him” sort of way. There’s a lot of mother henning around a nice girl. She will spend all her time and energy making things better for other people and not take care of herself. She usually falls prey to men who aren’t out-and-out bad, but they are parasitic. The nice girl is the one who works two jobs to pay the rent while her boyfriend/husband sits at home, unemployed. She allows a lot of people to use her, and while she may complain bitterly to friends, she just never stands up for herself.
Yep, I was a total nice girl for many years. It mostly stems from very poor self-esteem, the belief that no one would stay with you if you weren’t constantly giving to them. These days, I’ve gone pretty far in the other direction and shy away from men who show any sign of neediness, indecision, or ambiguity. Which is a whole 'nother kettle of problems.
Johnny, I have a question for you, as you’ve mentioned more than once that you have been/are a bit of a Nice Guy. Have you ever run into a situation where a woman was flirting with you and you just Didn’t Get It? Maybe someone pointed it out to you later or maybe you were clueless until said woman hit you over the head with something and dragged you back to her lair? What do Nice Guys, in your experience, do when a woman they are not attracted to flirts with them?
I couldn’t catch a pass if it were a Frisbee. I’m a bit dense, so the pass has to be something unsubtle like, ‘Oi! I’m chatting you up now!’
I suppose it would depend on the circumstances, location, etc.
Am I missing something? With the exception of Johnny you folks are describing dysfunctionally malfunctioning shrinking violets–just as annoying as an in your face “I’m not wearing underpants under this miniskirt and I challenge anyone in the bar to prove differently” bad girl.
I’d define a nice girl simply as someone who will err on the side of decorum, who trusts others until they prove they can not be trusted and who makes it a point to put a little effort into a “live & let live” lifestyle without feeling the need to test the tolerance of others. She doesn’t have to be a rebel to find value in herself, she knows who and what she is and surrounds herself with people who also have opinions, but don’t care to impose their views any more than they care to have someone else’s imposed on them.
Takes a bit of discipline to live this subtly, I think. But it doesn’t mean she has to be tediously dull and dim-witted. Just not in your face.
The capitalization was intended to draw a distinction between nice guys and Nice Guys. Self-proclaimed Nice Guys have a much geater chance of holding the attitudes I’ve described than genuinely nice guys. Uncapitalized nice guys are capable of being nice without calling it nice, while Nice Guys want a cookie for whatever they’re calling nice.
As an aside, I’m sure the vast majority of even the jerkiest Nice Guys (and I’m not saying you are one, Johnny L.A., because you sound like you could be a nice guy) would claim they don’t hold contempt for women. As evidenced by the many, many Nice Guy threads here, Nice Guys often fail to realize how their regards for women are being distorted into something entirely different than they believe.
Ah. Thank you. Now I get it. Never miiiind.
If what phouka is describing is a “nice girl,” I don’t know any.
If I did, I’d probably ignore her.
You forgot to mension a great rack and a set of gams that go all the way up to her neck.
I have yet to meet someone this well adjusted. Male or female. Oh sure, plenty put on a pretty good show at the start, but there is always something… always. Questions is, can you live with that something?
Truth be told, I’ve been dating someone just like that for a little over a year. It’s running it’s course and winding down. Perhaps I’m being too rash in my decision to end things… :dubious:
Sorry… back to the OP.
Nice Girl is synonymous with doormat, in my opinion.