What are your definitions of nice guy? I’m confused by this term because I think it’s ambiguous.
Someone who can’t accept the idea the idea that she just isn’t that into him.
A passive-aggressive guy who never gets laid.
“Nice” is what you are when you’re scared. “Good” is what you are when you’re not.
(or, I suppose, “bad”, but no one ever markets themselves to the ladies *that *way)
You open doors for others. You give up your seat for a pregnant woman on the subway. You listen to people in a conversation.
I’d say that is being a “good person” moreso than a “nice guy”.
I think the term has been somewhat co-opted (with a strong dose or irony) into Ambivalid’s first definition. Unfortunately, that leaves us lacking a term for a decent, genuine, non-ironic “nice guy”.
I don’t think so. I’d say that’s a “classy guy.”
Thats good, because I like classy dames.
The proverbial “nice guy” who finishes last is someone who is respectful, follows “the rules” and lives by a code of ethics or honor.
So why does he finish last? Well, if you want to make money, you have to step on a lot of people and slit alot of throats. Only we say “its just business.”
And if Lord Falldaroy wants the hot piece of ass… He might not get her hand because she doesn’t live by the same virtues he does.
“Mensch”.
When in doubt, go with Yiddish.
Someone who treats people well, especially due to genuine benevolence.
Because people look at the successes of ruthless people, and ignore the failures. Even if the good guy really does finish last, he’s more likely to finish at all than ruthless guys who end up dead or in prison. And more likely to be headed in a direction that’s actually desirable.
Mostly among (some) women I think. Most men in my experience either just ignore that definition, or are unaware of it. Certainly I’ve never used it that way; and I’ve heard plenty of men complain about women not liking nice guys, and by that meaning that women ignore men who treat women well in favor of men who insult and abuse them (and the occasional serial killer), not the definition of “nice guy” I’ve seen used here.
That would be a Nice Guy™
I thought that was what Ambivalid was getting at; that to complain about being passed over as a nice guy is to display a passive-aggressiveness (I’ve also heard it described as a sense of entitlement) which is anything but truly nice. Hence how the term was co-opted to mean those who lament being nice guys, instead of those who actually are.
Which I find somewhat troubling. It’s a bit like the phrase “you just don’t get it”; it dismisses an entire viewpoint before the discussion has even begun…
Well put.
I’d also add that this seems to be an American thing at the moment; here in Britainland the phrase “nice guy” doesn’t seem to have these connotations IME.
It’s a shame if the expression gets co-opted. I guess we can always fall back on “nice person”, which doesn’t carry any baggage, but this can’t be pluralized to refer to the set of men that are courteous, fair, respectful etc
ETA: I see I’ve confused “nice” with “good”. The former also suggests to me friendly, approachable etc.
Martyr without a cause.
A Nice Guy is someone who think not doing anything bad or wrong is the same as doing something right or well, and that their forbearance from sinning entitles them to something.
A nice guy holds out a hand to help me balance when I scrambling up some rocky terrain.
A Nice Guy thinks that my taking that hand signals a contract and curses the heavens when I don’t want to go on a date.
“Nice Guy” as a pejorative embodies not just entitlement but also hypocrisy:
“Why do super-hot girls go out (super-hot) jerks instead of plain, overweight me?Oh…why don’t I date plain, overweight women? Fuck that.”
In the last few years, it’s expanded to describe any man who voices any dissatisfaction with the status quo. Think women have an unfair advantage in the dating dynamic? You’re a “nice guy.” Think too many of your fellow men live with hostility and emotional unavailability towards women? You’re just saying shit to get laid, i.e. 'nice guy." Anyone who complains is a loser. “Nice guys” are losers.
Years and years ago, before anyone used “nice guy,” there was released a movie called Romancing the Stone, with a scene set in a singles bar post-Sexual Revolution. Kathleen Turner was with her friend, played by Holland Taylor (the mom from Two and a Half Men), who scanned all the men at the bar. Any man who wasn’t smiling was a “jerk,” any who was smiling was a “loser.”
In Lowest-Common-Denominator-land, men are either winners or losers, and you need to be an asshole to win. Not willing to be an asshole? You are a loser; sorry, no other life-choices are available. “Nice guy” is no longer the passive-aggressive self-entilted hypocrite. That was too subtle for LCD-land: now he’s any random victim of summary judgment.
Of course, you can always be that traditional fixture of civilized society: a gentleman. But young guys squirm at that, much as women don’t like being addressed as “ma’am.” Not cool, and it won’t get you laid. Sometimes it actually precludes getting laid. But virtue is its own reward.