For entirely peaceful and benevolent purposes, Rhymer Industries is building a long-range mass-baryon spontaneous decay cannon, which, as the name implies, causes massive numbers of baryons to spontaneously decay and is used at long ranges. Searching the multiverse for scientists to assist on certain details of this project, we’ve recruited one Sheldon Cooper, among others. It was … needful … to remove him from the influence of his friends Leonard, Raj, Howard, Penny, and, Bernadette, as most of them attempted to interfere with the recruitment process, throwing around words like weapons of mass destruction, thieving, murderous monster, and remember what happened to Etruria until their heads were removed.*
Anyway … we’ve relocated Sheldon to a luxurious home within walking distance of the lab we’re providing. Unfortunately he seems to be having trouble adapting to living alone, or even with Amy in close proximity. Thus I have decided to hire a roommate. You’ll be provided with insane amounts of luxury and pampering – hookerbots, holosuite access, access to the Universal Library, etc – and also, if you require it, a stipend to be negotiated beforehand. But you’ll have to live in the same house as Sheldon, regularly interact with him, and keep him productive; this includes putting up with the roommate agreement. Sheldon typically works six days a week, and you are required to hang out with him during his off times on those days; the seventh day is yours, but you must give Sheldon your cell phone number, keep said phone with you at all times, and answer when he calls.
Any takers? How much money do you need? Any special amenites required?
Well, Leonard, Raj, & Howard’s heads. RhIagents are not allowed to harm women except in self-defense, so the other two were safe; and, in addition, Bernadette is too pretty to die.
I’m sorry, but my innate ability to process your query with any measurable degree of accuracy as restricted by current levels of technology in the applicable field was rendered laughably moot due to the proposition that such archaic baryon decay delivery mechanisms as cannons are yet being seriously considered as feasible, let alone logically supported with any discernible vigour by a supposedly self-respecting would-be galactic tyrant.
You wouldn’t have to pay me, even without all the luxuries provided. He wouldn’t bother me, and his roomies seem to get laid a lot. You would probably have to pay Sheldon to live with me though. He won’t be impressed by money though, how much does it cost to get Stephen Hawking to like somebody?
After considering your apparently thoughtfully composed reply, I suppose I could grudgingly accept a modest stipend on a week-to-week contractual basis, with specific non-negotiable provision for regular visitation by Sheldon’s sister with a duration of Friday evening until Sunday evening and a frequency of weekly.
Rhymer Inc. does not have the kind of funds it would take to make such an arrangement possible with the modern Sheldon variation. S1 and 2 Sheldon could be moderately acceptable but it’s still too risky; I’d most likely kill him within a week.
I have very little issue with Sheldon, particularly since unlike his current roommates I wouldn’t need to work with him so I would have that time as downtime. However I would need a salary to cover my own motivational requirements.
I would imagine a salary of $250k/yr (I assume we’re located in a tax free location), one of the Rhymer travel devices to allow me to maximize my downtime, 4 weeks vacation and I’d like to set up some design on my rooms in the house to ensure that I have a little notice before he barges in for conversation.
No, I didn’t. Any presented no difficulties to the recruiting agent as she was as blind to the implications of working for RhI as Sheldon himself.
You realize you should have asked how much JG makes per year and demanded that much a week, right? You’ve left the lawyers room to say, "Okay, Galecki makes $400 an hour, we’ll pay Silenus that much a week.
Also, RhI does not employ human women as strumpets, as doing so risks violating the no-harm-to-chicks-not-even-nancy-grace rule, so it’ll have to be a Sara Rue hookerbot.
No continua buggy until you prove I can trust you not to betray me to the Justice League, Avengers, or Squirrel Girl. I am not an idiot.
About $90,000/year. For one, I’ve had roommates out of economic necessity and do not want to repeat the experience with someone whom I am not having sex with. Secondly, that is one weird-ass mofo whom I’d rather not have around. $90K would do it, though.
I assume someone of Sheldon’s acumen would use technology to do violence. Given his skills, I have no doubt he would be able to obtain or fabricate a poison that no one would suspect. Food for thought.
