The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-21-2012, 10:09 PM
aceplace57 aceplace57 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Farting Federal Employee gets Written Reprimand.

Who was the anal retentive jerk that logged every fart? Maybe they could get some office work done instead of harassing this guy. Buy a scented candle for gosh sakes.

Five page reprimand for farting. That stinks.

Quote:
After stating that, “It is my belief that you can control this condition,” the author of the reprimand letter then noted, “The following dates show the time of your flatulence.” What followed was a log listing 17 separate dates (and 60 specific times) on which the employee passed gas. For example, the man’s September 19 output included nine instances of flatulence, beginning at 9:45 AM and concluding at 4:30 PM.

The man was also accused of launching a trio of attacks on September 11.

Last edited by aceplace57; 12-21-2012 at 10:12 PM..
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 12-21-2012, 10:19 PM
Ferret Herder Ferret Herder is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
My WAG (pun not intended, d'oh) is that he was "crop-dusting" people's desks/cubicles or otherwise dropping the stink bombs in such a way as to gas people out intentionally. And since the federal government probably frowns on cramming activated charcoal up a coworker's ass, you have to document adverse workplace conditions instead.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-21-2012, 10:30 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
I have to believe that the employee was making an aggressive game out of farting. I doubt that anyone would take the trouble to make that detailed a documentation unless it truly was a problem. Obviously, it was more than a couple of "Oops, pardon me," moments.

Reprimanded employee deserved it.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-21-2012, 10:42 PM
voltaire voltaire is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
I believe this calls for the tried and true smelt it/dealt it defense.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-21-2012, 11:05 PM
wolfman wolfman is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by aceplace57 View Post
Who was the anal retentive jerk that logged every fart?
There has got to be a bean-counter joke in there somewhere.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-21-2012, 11:07 PM
6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast 6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2010
Why is he wearing shorts in that photo with Pepe Le Pew? He should be wearing charcoal pants.

I wish there was no photo. It's smell-o-vision.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-21-2012, 11:12 PM
SeaDragonTattoo SeaDragonTattoo is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Chicago, Far Northsider
Posts: 5,511
I can't believe I just read that whole thing. His excuse from the summarized article was "lactose intolerance." Well, then stop consuming lactose, dumbass. I had this weirdo coworker once who I think was not just intolerant of lactose but allergic. She would eat stuff with cheese in it anyway, and within 30 minutes or so would start puking. She seemed to think it was no big deal. Uh, really, the people who have to be around you in this big room really don't want to see you hurling into random trash cans, don't care how unobtrusively you think you're doing it, Grossie Josie.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-21-2012, 11:24 PM
6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast 6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2010
He should have just said that work gives him the vapours and he's simply providing his own smelling salts.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-22-2012, 01:34 AM
stui magpie stui magpie is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
ROFL,

My stepson is good in that area. He once had a letter sent home from the school principal requesting he not be fed eggs for breakfast anymore after he cleared the classroom on more than 1 occasion.

He moved in with me for 6 months a few years back when his relationship broke up and he needed somewhere to live. I like chilli and curry's and also like salad. he would take leftovers to work for lunch, which is a habit I've been in for years. The breaking point for his workmates was a salad combining (among other things) chick peas, egg and chilli.

I picked him up from work and he had a real sheepish look when he told me his workmates didn't like my cooking. They had to open the roller door on a freezing cold day to air the place out.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-22-2012, 02:19 AM
SeaDragonTattoo SeaDragonTattoo is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Chicago, Far Northsider
Posts: 5,511
Have these people never heard of Beano?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-22-2012, 02:36 AM
drewtwo99 drewtwo99 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 8,545
Are people who produce copious amounts of flatus a protected class?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-22-2012, 04:22 AM
6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast 6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2010
In the workplace their arses are covered. Though who knows what noisome and nauseating nudity they get up to at home.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-22-2012, 05:12 AM
mascaroni mascaroni is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: England
Posts: 1,168
Quote:
Originally Posted by voltaire View Post
I believe this calls for the tried and true smelt it/dealt it defense.
I think the Supplied it/Denied it prosecution case would outweigh that...
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-22-2012, 11:13 AM
aceplace57 aceplace57 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
My first supervisor was a System Analyst and I was his rookie programmer. This dude loved to cut farts when he got bored in a meeting with his programmers. Ended the discussion pretty quick.

Farts I can tolerate. Walking into the office bathroom when someone is taking a dump is too much. I've retreated several times literally gagging and trying not to throw up. I wonder sometimes how the paint stays on the walls.

Last edited by aceplace57; 12-22-2012 at 11:14 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-22-2012, 11:39 AM
Springtime for Spacers Springtime for Spacers is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Here's the tale of the farting dentist, in which we see a noxious assembly of antisocial and unproffesional behaviour.


Quote:
A farting dentist who stank out his surgery with his evil-smelling flatulence has been struck off.Matthew Walton, 35, found it hilarious to blow off next to colleagues when they were trying to eat their lunch, the General Dental Council heard.

Staff were so disgusted by Walton's behaviour in the surgery they had to walk out.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12-22-2012, 12:16 PM
pravnik pravnik is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: TX
Posts: 13,374
Thank God I have a job in a right to fart workplace.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 12-22-2012, 02:40 PM
6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast 6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2010
Ah. A right to work fartplace.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-22-2012, 03:32 PM
Seanette Seanette is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Quote:
Originally Posted by aceplace57 View Post
My first supervisor was a System Analyst and I was his rookie programmer. This dude loved to cut farts when he got bored in a meeting with his programmers. Ended the discussion pretty quick.
How in the world did he cut loose on demand?

I personally find it very painful to not vent gas.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 12-22-2012, 03:43 PM
Ruken Ruken is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: DC
Posts: 2,473
I used to work in a lab full of fume hoods. Never had to worry about this sort of thing. I miss those fume hoods.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 12-22-2012, 04:28 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In the Dreaming
Posts: 14,942
If they had to get to the "document" point, then the employee had been spoken to any number of times and failed or refused to do anything about their chronic flatulence.

This is not a 'protected class'.

Last edited by Chimera; 12-22-2012 at 04:30 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 12-22-2012, 04:48 PM
aceplace57 aceplace57 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
It wasn't every meeting. But often enough that I knew it was deliberate. It would have served him right to stain his boxers with a fluffy fart.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seanette View Post
How in the world did he cut loose on demand?

I personally find it very painful to not vent gas.

Last edited by aceplace57; 12-22-2012 at 04:48 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12-22-2012, 05:24 PM
CrazyCatLady CrazyCatLady is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by aceplace57 View Post
Who was the anal retentive jerk that logged every fart? Maybe they could get some office work done instead of harassing this guy. Buy a scented candle for gosh sakes.

Five page reprimand for farting. That stinks.
I dunno, man. You ever been around someone who's lactose intolerant and keeps snarfing the dairy anyway? I'd be afraid to have an open flame in the building. And I say this as someone with a fair degree of lactose intolerance. If I have a grilled cheese and an ice cream on the same day and forget to take Lactaid, I can barely stand to be in the same room as me without a respirator.

I wouldn't have a problem with someone getting a formal reprimand for routinely dousing themselves with cologne even after being spoken to repeatedly about the issue and how it was affecting others. Or any other completely controllable action that affects others. And this is indeed controllable. The guy's defense isn't that he has IBS or some other medical issue where your body just does shit and you don't really get a vote. His defense is that he's lactose intolerant, which is the single most controllable GI issue you can possibly have. You don't put lactose into your gob, or you accompany lactose with a dose of lactase, and eye watering stink doesn't roll out of your ass. It's that simple.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-22-2012, 09:53 PM
cochrane cochrane is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
I just want to say that I think the Farting Federal Employees would make a great band name.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 12-23-2012, 09:42 AM
Cicero Cicero is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,500
We used to have a fart tin at work. If you let one rip it would cost you 25 cents.

If you let one rip in front of a female it was double.

Some people paid in advance. At the end of the year it was donated to charity. There was a hell of a lot of money there.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:54 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.