Tarquinus The Proud was NOT Proud

smiling bandit · #1 01-08-2013, 06:02 PM

Seriously, this Tarquinus guy was a completel loser and he KNEW it. Bastard lost the entire Roman Empire evenn before it was an EMPIRE! Utter tosser. Probably offed himself out of shame, so he should NOT be called the Proud.

Discuss.

Morgenstern · #2 01-08-2013, 06:07 PM

Was he at least a little pleased?

Black Bisector · #3 01-08-2013, 06:30 PM

Shaka, when the walls fell.

Shoujin · #4 01-08-2013, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black Bisector

Shaka, when the walls fell.

Today is a good day to die.

dropzone · #5 01-08-2013, 07:10 PM

Could you guys speed it up? I need to hand in this paper tomorrow.

Cat Whisperer · #6 01-08-2013, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smiling bandit

<snip>
Discuss.

Whether or not you're a tosser? I'm going to go with "yes."

Simple Linctus · #7 01-08-2013, 07:19 PM

Everyone I've met called Tarquin has been a stuck up little turd. What the fuck did Tarquin the Elder expect?

thelurkinghorror · #8 01-08-2013, 07:45 PM

The should've put him on a Superbus to the middle of nowhere.

Larry Borgia · #9 01-08-2013, 08:09 PM

Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.

thelurkinghorror · #10 01-08-2013, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Borgia

Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.

Philip the Fair was named for his features. But he also treated you fairly, if by that you mean he created false reasons to rob and torture you, but also did the same to all your neighbors and coworkers to be fair and equitable to everyone. Especially if you were a Templar. Or a Jew. Or a Jewish Templar.

Edward the Black Prince was white, though.

Steophan · #11 01-08-2013, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Borgia

Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.

And Edward the Confessor was notably discreet, and Ethelraed the Unready was generally well prepared.

William the Bastard was, indeed, both illegitimate and an utter arsehole though.

Cat Whisperer · #12 01-08-2013, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steophan

<snip>

William the Bastard was, indeed, both illegitimate and an utter arsehole though.

When you get a nickname like "The Bastard," it's usually well-earned.

dropzone · #13 01-08-2013, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelurkinghorror

Edward the Black Prince was white, though.

I've heard it both ways.

smiling bandit · #14 01-08-2013, 08:48 PM

Oh, and you know something? The Artist Formerly Known as Prince IS NOT A PRINCE AT ALL!

pravnik · #15 01-08-2013, 08:50 PM

Similarly, Timur the Lame was not lame at all. He was freakin' awesome!

pravnik · #16 01-08-2013, 09:22 PM

On the other hand, come to think of it, Vaclav the Good was pretty decent, while Boleslav the Cruel was a straight up dick.

PSXer · #17 01-08-2013, 09:24 PM

arrogant is a better word for superbus imho tbqh

Simple Linctus · #18 01-08-2013, 09:30 PM

is superbus that amazing game where you have to drive across nevada to get one point, then back again?

wait, actually that's desert bus. play it here: http://desertbus-game.org/

Colibri · #19 01-08-2013, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Borgia

Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.

And Charles the Bald merely had a receding hairline.

Little Nemo · #20 01-08-2013, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smiling bandit

Seriously, this Tarquinus guy was a completel loser and he KNEW it. Bastard lost the entire Roman Empire evenn before it was an EMPIRE! Utter tosser. Probably offed himself out of shame, so he should NOT be called the Proud.

Discuss.

You know, when Tarquin was lying there on his deathbed, do you imagine he was thinking about work? No, he was thinking about his family: his wife, Betty Tarquin, his sons Tarquin Junior and Joshius, and his daughter The Girl. And Tarquin was thinking about the little things like sitting around the dinner table and going on family trips and taking the boys to their JV Gladiatorial practice. Little things maybe - but the kind of little things that bring a family together which really makes them pretty big things when you think about it. And it was those things that Tarquin was most proud of. Well, that and slaughtering the Sabines.

thelurkinghorror · #21 01-08-2013, 10:45 PM

His son was Sextus "The Sextus Machine, Whether She Consents or Not, It's All Good" Tarquinius

BrainGlutton · #22 01-08-2013, 10:52 PM

Ivan the Terrible was what the Russians call Ivan Grozniy -- meaning "terrible" not in the sense of "horrible" but in the sense of "awesome, " as in "Oz the Great and Terrible."

Ivan was terrible in both senses, of course.

(Australia -- Oz -- is terrible in neither sense, unless you count the wildlife . . .)

BrainGlutton · #23 01-08-2013, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Nemo

Well, that and slaughtering the Sabines.

"Slaughtering" is perhaps not the best word . . .

BrainGlutton · #24 01-08-2013, 10:58 PM

Vlad the Impaler was surprisingly undersexed.

pravnik · #25 01-08-2013, 11:00 PM

You know, Leto II may have been a God Emperor, and he may have been a Tyrant. Time will judge him accordingly, eventually. Future time, like.

Little Nemo · #26 01-08-2013, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

"Slaughtering" is perhaps not the best word . . .

No, that happened after the slaughter. At the Number Six Dance.

Tamerlane · #27 01-08-2013, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Borgia

Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.

Nobody knows if he was fat

. The nickname was coined in the twelfth century ( Charles lived in the ninth ) and was almost certainly related to mistaken impressions of his personality and ability based on political propaganda.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pravnik

Similarly, Timur the Lame was not lame at all. He was freakin' awesome!

Damn straight!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colibri

And Charles the Bald merely had a receding hairline.

Charles the Bald's nickname was contemporary, but may have been ironic. Baldness was considered a source of hilarity in his time and the suggestion has been made that instead of being bald he may actually have been exceptionally hairy

. But nobody really knows on this one, either.

*****
Just saying.

On a completely unrelated note I charge $25 per three second glance at my exam answers.

Robot Arm · #28 01-09-2013, 12:10 AM

I want to get in on this trend, but I need to check my facts first. Who do I see about having Richard the Lionheart exhumed?

Failing that, the alternative is to have every lion from the same time period examined and see if any hearts are missing.

pravnik · #29 01-09-2013, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tamerlane

Damn straight!

Quiet, you!

Alessan · #30 01-09-2013, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simple Linctus

Everyone I've met called Tarquin has been a stuck up little turd.

The Grand Moffs are the worse.

Kobal2 · #31 01-09-2013, 04:02 AM

I have it on good authority that Bloody Mary didn't present with particularly heavy flow. Also, despite the vicious rumours, Richard I Plantagenet had a perfectly normal, human heart.

Henri IV "the verdant gallant" really was all about the women, however. Would you look at that pimp-ass motherfucker ? Oh yes, lady. He's mentally undressing you right now.

BrainGlutton · #32 01-09-2013, 08:49 AM

Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.

Freddy the Pig · #33 01-09-2013, 09:09 AM

Basil the Bulgar-Slayer really did slay Bulgars. Lots of them. For some reason, Bulgars really bugged him.

ElvisL1ves · #34 01-09-2013, 09:53 AM

Ethelred the Unready was actually as well-prepared as anyone reasonably could have been, under the circumstances.

So there.

smiling bandit · #35 01-09-2013, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.

Was he kinda butch?

Cat Whisperer · #36 01-09-2013, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kobal2

<snip>

Henri IV "the verdant gallant" really was all about the women, however. Would you look at that pimp-ass motherfucker ? Oh yes, lady. He's mentally undressing you right now.

You wouldn't think that an old portrait could mentally undress you, but damned if he isn't!

Quote:

Originally Posted by smiling bandit

Was he kinda butch?

Not really. He did, however, want to be a lumberjack.

BrainGlutton · #37 01-09-2013, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smiling bandit

Was he kinda butch?

Well, he was also called "Vigo the Swish."

Once.

Kobal2 · #38 01-09-2013, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

You wouldn't think that an old portrait could mentally undress you, but damned if he isn't!

Oh yeah. And Kingy likee what he sees. Hm-hmmm, girl.

Enderw24 · #39 01-09-2013, 10:43 AM

We can probably get a bunch of these threads out of the way now.
Cap'n Crunch was really an Admiral.
George Washington didn't do his own laundry, nor did he weigh it.
And Gozer the Gozarian probably didn't change to a blue eyed, blonde haired child of Germany.

Little Nemo · #40 01-09-2013, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.

Mostly true, any way. But Moldavia explained it wasn't really sorrow it was feeling - more like a sense of deep disappointment. Moldavia just felt Vigo could be doing so much more if he applied himself.

pancakes3 · #41 01-09-2013, 11:06 AM

Franky Four-fingers was really Franky Three-and-a-half fingers + a thumb.

gamerunknown · #42 01-09-2013, 11:28 AM

Darmok and Jalad never even visited Tanagra.

HookerChemical · #43 01-09-2013, 11:37 AM

I, for one, lament the fact that the Pit has become a place to rush to judgement. We should wait for all the facts to come in before forming an opinion.