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  #1  
Old 01-08-2013, 07:02 PM
smiling bandit smiling bandit is offline
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Tarquinus The Proud was NOT Proud

Seriously, this Tarquinus guy was a completel loser and he KNEW it. Bastard lost the entire Roman Empire evenn before it was an EMPIRE! Utter tosser. Probably offed himself out of shame, so he should NOT be called the Proud.

Discuss.
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  #2  
Old 01-08-2013, 07:07 PM
Morgenstern Morgenstern is offline
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Was he at least a little pleased?
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  #3  
Old 01-08-2013, 07:30 PM
Black Bisector Black Bisector is offline
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Shaka, when the walls fell.
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  #4  
Old 01-08-2013, 07:33 PM
Shoujin Shoujin is offline
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Shaka, when the walls fell.
Today is a good day to die.
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  #5  
Old 01-08-2013, 08:10 PM
dropzone dropzone is online now
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Could you guys speed it up? I need to hand in this paper tomorrow.
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  #6  
Old 01-08-2013, 08:14 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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Originally Posted by smiling bandit View Post
<snip>
Discuss.
Whether or not you're a tosser? I'm going to go with "yes."
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  #7  
Old 01-08-2013, 08:19 PM
Simple Linctus Simple Linctus is offline
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Everyone I've met called Tarquin has been a stuck up little turd. What the fuck did Tarquin the Elder expect?
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  #8  
Old 01-08-2013, 08:45 PM
thelurkinghorror thelurkinghorror is online now
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The should've put him on a Superbus to the middle of nowhere.
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  #9  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:09 PM
Larry Borgia Larry Borgia is offline
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Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.
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  #10  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:15 PM
thelurkinghorror thelurkinghorror is online now
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Originally Posted by Larry Borgia View Post
Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.
Philip the Fair was named for his features. But he also treated you fairly, if by that you mean he created false reasons to rob and torture you, but also did the same to all your neighbors and coworkers to be fair and equitable to everyone. Especially if you were a Templar. Or a Jew. Or a Jewish Templar.

Edward the Black Prince was white, though.
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  #11  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:19 PM
Steophan Steophan is offline
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Originally Posted by Larry Borgia View Post
Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.
And Edward the Confessor was notably discreet, and Ethelraed the Unready was generally well prepared.

William the Bastard was, indeed, both illegitimate and an utter arsehole though.
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  #12  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:32 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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<snip>

William the Bastard was, indeed, both illegitimate and an utter arsehole though.
When you get a nickname like "The Bastard," it's usually well-earned.
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  #13  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:37 PM
dropzone dropzone is online now
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Edward the Black Prince was white, though.
I've heard it both ways.
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  #14  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:48 PM
smiling bandit smiling bandit is offline
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Oh, and you know something? The Artist Formerly Known as Prince IS NOT A PRINCE AT ALL!
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  #15  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:50 PM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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Similarly, Timur the Lame was not lame at all. He was freakin' awesome!
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  #16  
Old 01-08-2013, 10:22 PM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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On the other hand, come to think of it, Vaclav the Good was pretty decent, while Boleslav the Cruel was a straight up dick.
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  #17  
Old 01-08-2013, 10:24 PM
PSXer PSXer is offline
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arrogant is a better word for superbus imho tbqh
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  #18  
Old 01-08-2013, 10:30 PM
Simple Linctus Simple Linctus is offline
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is superbus that amazing game where you have to drive across nevada to get one point, then back again?

wait, actually that's desert bus. play it here: http://desertbus-game.org/
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  #19  
Old 01-08-2013, 11:13 PM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Borgia View Post
Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.
And Charles the Bald merely had a receding hairline.
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  #20  
Old 01-08-2013, 11:27 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smiling bandit View Post
Seriously, this Tarquinus guy was a completel loser and he KNEW it. Bastard lost the entire Roman Empire evenn before it was an EMPIRE! Utter tosser. Probably offed himself out of shame, so he should NOT be called the Proud.

Discuss.
You know, when Tarquin was lying there on his deathbed, do you imagine he was thinking about work? No, he was thinking about his family: his wife, Betty Tarquin, his sons Tarquin Junior and Joshius, and his daughter The Girl. And Tarquin was thinking about the little things like sitting around the dinner table and going on family trips and taking the boys to their JV Gladiatorial practice. Little things maybe - but the kind of little things that bring a family together which really makes them pretty big things when you think about it. And it was those things that Tarquin was most proud of. Well, that and slaughtering the Sabines.
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  #21  
Old 01-08-2013, 11:45 PM
thelurkinghorror thelurkinghorror is online now
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His son was Sextus "The Sextus Machine, Whether She Consents or Not, It's All Good" Tarquinius
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  #22  
Old 01-08-2013, 11:52 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Ivan the Terrible was what the Russians call Ivan Grozniy -- meaning "terrible" not in the sense of "horrible" but in the sense of "awesome, " as in "Oz the Great and Terrible."

Ivan was terrible in both senses, of course.

(Australia -- Oz -- is terrible in neither sense, unless you count the wildlife . . .)
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  #23  
Old 01-08-2013, 11:57 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Originally Posted by Little Nemo View Post
Well, that and slaughtering the Sabines.
"Slaughtering" is perhaps not the best word . . .
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  #24  
Old 01-08-2013, 11:58 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Vlad the Impaler was surprisingly undersexed.
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  #25  
Old 01-09-2013, 12:00 AM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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You know, Leto II may have been a God Emperor, and he may have been a Tyrant. Time will judge him accordingly, eventually. Future time, like.
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  #26  
Old 01-09-2013, 12:28 AM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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"Slaughtering" is perhaps not the best word . . .
No, that happened after the slaughter. At the Number Six Dance.
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  #27  
Old 01-09-2013, 12:49 AM
Tamerlane Tamerlane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Borgia View Post
Also, Charles the Fat was just big boned.
Nobody knows if he was fat . The nickname was coined in the twelfth century ( Charles lived in the ninth ) and was almost certainly related to mistaken impressions of his personality and ability based on political propaganda.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pravnik View Post
Similarly, Timur the Lame was not lame at all. He was freakin' awesome!
Damn straight!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri View Post
And Charles the Bald merely had a receding hairline.
Charles the Bald's nickname was contemporary, but may have been ironic. Baldness was considered a source of hilarity in his time and the suggestion has been made that instead of being bald he may actually have been exceptionally hairy . But nobody really knows on this one, either.

*****
Just saying.

On a completely unrelated note I charge $25 per three second glance at my exam answers.

Last edited by Tamerlane; 01-09-2013 at 12:49 AM..
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  #28  
Old 01-09-2013, 01:10 AM
Robot Arm Robot Arm is online now
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I want to get in on this trend, but I need to check my facts first. Who do I see about having Richard the Lionheart exhumed?



Failing that, the alternative is to have every lion from the same time period examined and see if any hearts are missing.
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  #29  
Old 01-09-2013, 01:17 AM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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Damn straight!
Quiet, you!
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  #30  
Old 01-09-2013, 01:36 AM
Alessan Alessan is offline
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Originally Posted by Simple Linctus View Post
Everyone I've met called Tarquin has been a stuck up little turd.
The Grand Moffs are the worse.
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  #31  
Old 01-09-2013, 05:02 AM
Kobal2 Kobal2 is offline
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I have it on good authority that Bloody Mary didn't present with particularly heavy flow. Also, despite the vicious rumours, Richard I Plantagenet had a perfectly normal, human heart.

Henri IV "the verdant gallant" really was all about the women, however. Would you look at that pimp-ass motherfucker ? Oh yes, lady. He's mentally undressing you right now.
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  #32  
Old 01-09-2013, 09:49 AM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.
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  #33  
Old 01-09-2013, 10:09 AM
Freddy the Pig Freddy the Pig is offline
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Basil the Bulgar-Slayer really did slay Bulgars. Lots of them. For some reason, Bulgars really bugged him.
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  #34  
Old 01-09-2013, 10:53 AM
ElvisL1ves ElvisL1ves is online now
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Ethelred the Unready was actually as well-prepared as anyone reasonably could have been, under the circumstances.

So there.
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  #35  
Old 01-09-2013, 11:26 AM
smiling bandit smiling bandit is offline
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Originally Posted by BrainGlutton View Post
Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.
Was he kinda butch?
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  #36  
Old 01-09-2013, 11:29 AM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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Originally Posted by Kobal2 View Post
<snip>

Henri IV "the verdant gallant" really was all about the women, however. Would you look at that pimp-ass motherfucker ? Oh yes, lady. He's mentally undressing you right now.
You wouldn't think that an old portrait could mentally undress you, but damned if he isn't!
Quote:
Originally Posted by smiling bandit View Post
Was he kinda butch?
Not really. He did, however, want to be a lumberjack.
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  #37  
Old 01-09-2013, 11:37 AM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Originally Posted by smiling bandit View Post
Was he kinda butch?
Well, he was also called "Vigo the Swish."

Once.
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  #38  
Old 01-09-2013, 11:42 AM
Kobal2 Kobal2 is offline
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Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer View Post
You wouldn't think that an old portrait could mentally undress you, but damned if he isn't!
Oh yeah. And Kingy likee what he sees. Hm-hmmm, girl.
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  #39  
Old 01-09-2013, 11:43 AM
Enderw24 Enderw24 is offline
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We can probably get a bunch of these threads out of the way now.
Cap'n Crunch was really an Admiral.
George Washington didn't do his own laundry, nor did he weigh it.
And Gozer the Gozarian probably didn't change to a blue eyed, blonde haired child of Germany.
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  #40  
Old 01-09-2013, 11:49 AM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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Originally Posted by BrainGlutton View Post
Vigo the Carpathian, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy, Vigo the Scourge of Carpathia, Vigo the Sorrow of Moldavia, was actually . . . well, all of that and a bag of chips, actually. Kicked puppies, too.
Mostly true, any way. But Moldavia explained it wasn't really sorrow it was feeling - more like a sense of deep disappointment. Moldavia just felt Vigo could be doing so much more if he applied himself.
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  #41  
Old 01-09-2013, 12:06 PM
pancakes3 pancakes3 is offline
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Franky Four-fingers was really Franky Three-and-a-half fingers + a thumb.
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  #42  
Old 01-09-2013, 12:28 PM
gamerunknown gamerunknown is offline
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Darmok and Jalad never even visited Tanagra.
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  #43  
Old 01-09-2013, 12:37 PM
HookerChemical HookerChemical is offline
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I, for one, lament the fact that the Pit has become a place to rush to judgement. We should wait for all the facts to come in before forming an opinion.
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  #44  
Old 01-09-2013, 12:39 PM
ElvisL1ves ElvisL1ves is online now
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Peter the Great was actually pretty good.
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  #45  
Old 01-09-2013, 01:12 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Fat Tony is really no more than stocky.
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  #46  
Old 01-09-2013, 01:25 PM
njtt njtt is offline
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Nogbad the Bad was kinda bad, though.
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  #47  
Old 01-09-2013, 02:42 PM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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Yeah, and the Yellow Emperor was...on second thought, I'm not going to touch that one.
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  #48  
Old 01-09-2013, 02:46 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Hagar the Horrible is just a big softy.

[Hagar chops off BrainGlutton's head]
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  #49  
Old 01-09-2013, 02:58 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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Oh yeah. And Kingy likee what he sees. Hm-hmmm, girl.
I feel so violated!
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  #50  
Old 01-09-2013, 05:20 PM
Doug K. Doug K. is offline
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Sam the Sham is actually quite honest.
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