When i was growing up, i was taught that calling someone a liar was virtually the same as punching them in the face. The only reason to call someone a liar was that you intended to have a fight with them anyway, and this was a way to get them angry enough to throw the first punch. Recently, I’ve come to the realization that i might be the only person in the world who was taught this.
When you were growing up, were you taught it’s extremely rude and impolite to call someone a liar? Also, where did you learn or who taught you this?
‘Liar’ is a behaviour - I guess if I know someone is a persistent offender, I might call them a liar, but in most cases “What you just said is untrue/wrong/a lie” works better, IMO.
“I’m sorry, did… did you just call me a liar?”
“No, I said you were fired.”
“Oh. That’s much worse.”
I was taught lying is bad far more than I was taught calling someone a liar is bad. I’ve noticed different people and cultures take quite varying levels of offence at being accused of lying. I don’t recall ever being expressly taught this, but have certainly picked the idea up somewhere. I remember when I was 6 or 7, at school the menu on the wall said there would be something chocolatey, and I was so disappointed and appalled that I said to the lady handing out the pudding, “you’re a liar!” This didn’t go down too well, but she didn’t shout at me or try to get me punished. She just explained that the menu was the old one from last week, and I felt pretty bad afterwards. I expect that was a lesson for me.
ETA: I picked “other”, as I’d guess I’ve learnt it through experience, plenty of it vicarious through media.
No, I don’t recall learning that there was any stigma attached to using the word, other than that it’s just an unpleasant thing to have to call someone.
I grew up in a family where keeping your word was/is considered of paramount importance, and consequently calling someone a liar was pretty much one of the worst things you could say to a person, since it implied that they didn’t keep their word, which was considered untrustworthy, unmanly and contemptible.
I tend to react pretty hotly to being called a liar as a result, and consider it very rude to call someone out. While I don’t condone dueling or fighting, I can definitely see how calling someone a liar was a quick way to initiate either of them.
I agree. If you negatively characterize the person and not the behavior, it will usually offend the person.
If you define “rude” behavior as something that would offend someone, then calling someone a liar will usually be rude.
I didn’t answer the poll because I don’t remember anyone teaching me anything about calling people liars. I learned on my own that it’s best to call someone a liar if you have evidence to back it up after they try and defend themselves. Then you can say, “while you might think you’re not a liar, you lied to me when you did A, B, and C, so that’s why I consider you a liar.”
Otherwise, if someone isn’t being truthful, I do what Mangetout does and just say I disagree with them.
I’ve found that most people are lying sacks of shit and will tell you with a perfectly straight face that the knife they are attempting to stick in your back is really a medal. Unfortunately trying to call them out on their dissemblance is invariably an exercise in futility so you have to become equally perverse and corrupt in your thinking to compete with them.
If you wish to preserve your original personality and avoid descending to the same depths, that can present quite a challenge since it requires you to split your personality in essence. It doesn’t require much intelligence to beat such people at their own game but it can be taxing to the spirit.
Where I come from, it’s fighting words: about the worst thing you can call someone. Other people appear to consider it light teasing.
When I realized that my mother wasn’t “a woman of her word”, I realized how much must Dad have been in love with her. If there is one thing he tried to ram home, hammer home, and generally ensure we’d do, is keep our word. One of the problems I have currently at work is that several of my coworkers are as glib about what they say as Mom is: their yes means “stop bothering me” and their no means “I wasn’t paying attention”. Yes should mean yes and no should mean no, damnit!
It’s confrontational on a personal level rather then an impersonal topical level.
Calling someone a liar is saying they are intentionally being wrong. An honest person may be wrong for any number of reasons but so long as they are honest they should come around to the truth.
If someone is a liar then the problem isn’t finding the truth, it’s their dishonesty. So, you have to be certain about their intentions and it’s not easy to say what someones intentions really are.
But some people are liars.(see political debates)
Of course it is, but I don’t know where I learned it. It’s just obviously rude from the first time you hear someone say it. It’s name-calling.
It’s also quite childish, though, so I’m not sure it would be quite as bad as your OP. I’d consider it a level or two below asking for a fight. Now, if you called someone else that the person cared about a liar, then that’s spoiling for a fight.
I don’t remember being told specifically that calling someone a liar is rude, but it wasn’t something you’d throw about lightly. Accusing someone wrongfully was far worse than calling them on a lie.
It depends on the exact phrase we are quoting and on the context of the conversation around the phrase.
If somebody asserts something that is untrue, it might be important to the discussion to point that out.
If the standard is that saying a statement is untrue is identical to calling somebody a liar (which I’ve often heard in one form or another), and calling somebody a liar is unacceptable because it is rude, then logically we have established that people can legitimately base their argument on untrue statements and we just have to leave them as valid parts of the argument. That’s no good. We have to be able to claim statements are untrue, if we are to be able to negotiate and resolve conflicts.
If the emphasis in the statement is on the person rather than on their statement, as in “Liar! You filthy lying swine!”, then it’s rude and unhelpful in reaching some kind of conclusion in a discussion.
Have to agree with this. Calling me a liar shows that you don’t know me, lying to me is totally unacceptable.
If you take the chance of lying to me, you better make damn sure I never find out about it.
No reasonably intelligent person would go around calling people anything pejorative; really, how many occasions would EVER come up that would call for someone to be called a liar?
If a behaviour is demonstrated that can’t be tolerated, a mature adult does not start hurling personal insults. They comment on the behaviour. I can think of fifty different ways to deal with someone being the truth that don’t necessitate saying “you’re a liar!”