Tuesday fun. Rewrite this headline please.

I found the headline in the linked story to be in dire need of some Doper’s wit and humor. Please rewrite the headline.

I’ll post one later.

Jaguar Melts in Urban Jungle

(First word must of course be pronounced in that annoying three-syllable mode.)

Jaguar Melts. Not It’s Fault.

Upon Reflection I now own a Puddle Jumper and not a Jaguar

1920s Style Death Ray Revealed as Genuine: Richard Pearse Changing User Name Back.

Menacing Mirrored Monolith Melts Master Motorcar

Edifice converts XJ to ex Jag

“Hot Car” Redefined

News of the World:

Bent Erection Wrecks Car!

In additional news …

Burnished Building Burns Barber, Bikes

link

Archimedes Makes Jag Off

God To Mythbusters, “Fuck You.” Archimedes Pleased.

In the Motoring Times:

Jag vs Focus: Big Cat Slumps

I’m still waiting for Morgenstern to come back, but I have more: maybe I should have been a tabloid copywriter (or maybe I have way too much time on my hands).

Super-fracted photons hit it: motorcar is toasted

and this one was so obvious I am surprised I get to do it

Melted Motor Mystery:It was the Sun what done it

(news crawl)

OBAMA SUNGATE: WILL IT HURT DEMS IN 2016?

(Golf clap.)

Jaguar Owner: My Love is Gushing! Strike the Sun!

Mad Mag Slags Jag