Yes, it’s a hypothetical with a longish storytelling OP and possibly a poll, depending on my mood when I hit submit. If you don’t like these, why are you still reading? Surely there’s a World Series thread open somewhere, or perhaps something about Grand Theft Auto. Anyhoo…
Let’s say you’re single and have recently met Sam Milhone, who, as usual for these hypotheticals, seems perfect : attractive, smart, funny, solvent, and most of all warm for your form. You’ve known one another for three months and been dating for two, but are not cohabiting; the sex is great.
Everything’s been going swimmingly until the last week. Sam has been getting calls from various unknown persons; each time Sam hangs up on almost immediately. One day y’all are out for lunch when y’all are approached by a person you recognize as a tv reporter; as soon as the reporter identifies himself, Sam says "The answer to whatever question you have is ‘Eat shit and die.’ " Once the reporter retreats, you ask what’s going on. Sighing, Sam says:
“Milhone isn’t the last name I was born with. I was born Sam Silverman. I’m the biological child of Edmund Silverman and Susan Spenser, a pair of serial killers who murdered dozens before they were caught by the FBI, when I was six. Edmund was put to death almost immediately; Susan has been on death row for years and has finally exhausted all appeals. After the Silvermans were caught, my parents–well, technically, my biological aunt and her husband–Mom and Dad adopted me and changed my surname to theirs. Now that Susan’s date with the hangman is set, the cable news vultures want my reaction, but they can all go fuck themselves; my feelings are not for public consumption. Anyway, I don’t care what happens to Susan. I haven’t seen her since I was ten, and I hadn’t thought about her till CNN contacted me with the news of her impending execution and asked for a quote. The Silvermans are just an egg & sperm donor as far as I’m concerned. My real parents are Kinsey and Travis Milhone.”
The evening after you and Sam have this conversation, you Google “EDMUND SILVERMAN SUSAN SPENSER SERIAL KILLERS”. After an hour’s reading, three facts stands out. One, it was Sam’s same-sex parent who was the guiding force behind the murders; two, none of their killings seems to have had a sexual component; and three, well over half of the Silvermans’ victims (and all the ones they specifically targeted, as opposed to taking out for practical purposes) strongly resemble you–matching your race, sex, current age, and general appearance.
Does this revelation give you pause? Are you willing to continue the relationship with Sam? Why or why not?