If one more person says/asks this, I'll scream (add your own)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

What sorts of questions do people ask you repeatedly, or comments they make, that make you want to scream? And how would you like to answer them?

Here are a few I get on a regular basis:

** You look a lot younger than 24, you know. ** Really? I’ve never looked in a mirror before, and no one else has ever pointed that out to me before. Thanks. Thanks for carding me for car-care products because you refused to believe I’m over 18, too.

** Why don’t you tan? ** Oh, it’s because I worship the moon and sleep in a closet during the day. That my skin is this fair has nothing to do with it.

**…all Irish, like you. ** wait a second. I’m not all irish, I’m only a quarter Irish. The high cheekbones and red hair are probably gifts from my Scottish ancestors, not my Irish ones. Do you think I’m an alcoholic too, since you like sterotypes so much?

**Do both of your parents have red hair? ** No, they don’t. Are both your parents morons? You’re a moron, so that’s why I’m asking…

** You’re really short. ** My god, and I thought that at 5’3" I was tall. Thanks for correcting the misconception on my part.

** Your brother looks like you.** Neither of us have ever noticed. Glad you pointed that out.

** Your hair is really long. ** Your power of observation is asstonishing. Your parents must be so proud.

** How do you write like that? ** Do you harass every lefty you meet, or what? Most of us write like this.

** Oh, you’re a New Englander, I bet you talk like the Kennedys. ** 1. New Englanders do not all have a Mass. accent. 2. The Kennedys don’t have a Mass accent, they have a strange hybrid accent that no one else has.

** How do you come up with stories like that?** I pay someone to have ideas. Seriously. I can’t think of anything on my own.

I’m sure I’ll think of more later, so what comments drive you nuts?

2

Man, you short, long-red-haired Irish folks certainly have a temper! Is it because of the Kenndey accent that you probably have? Is your brother this angry too? Have a drink and go to a tanning salon. You’ll feel better.

3

Your teeth are really big, Well, THANKS, I thought that they didn’t stick out like a rabbit human hybrid.

You’re really scrawny, I never noticed! It’s not like the fact that I can count my ribs is any indication.

You’re a loser, Okaaay, I know that one too, ya dumb fruitloop.

4

5’3" is ‘really short’ these days??? I knew that at 5’ 1 1/2" (that half inch really makes the difference) that most folks would think I was short, but… By the way, could you come over and reach that glass on the second shelf for me? please? pretty please?? I promise I won’t mention your long red hair, your brother, Irish stuff, fair skin or anything else taboo. Thanks. :smiley:

5

You’re a veggie? But you wear leather shoes!

  1. Don’t call me a “veggie”, pinhead.
  2. No, I don’t. Did you even bother to look at them?
6

Mark me down for the tanning one as well.

My sister is cheering for the sibling look alike comment. (She’s going postal on the next person who compares her to me.)

Height is another happyness. No I haven’t noticed I’m six feet tall. And I keep thinking of myself as petite.

Upon hearing my majors** wow! You must be really smart to be doing such diverse things?** Not really, I just don’t see Philosophy and Engineering as being diverse.

Have you seen that one commercial? No, acually I haven’t. I haven’t owned a tv for several years and even when I’m around them I watch about an hour a week. I probably missed that episode of the simpson’s too. And last week’s Dark Angel.

Anything about getting a new SO. I’m fond of the one I have. You don’t like him, you don’t have to date him.

And anything related to money. I’m a college student. I’m broke. That’s why I don’t buy things.

7

I am 1/2 Korean, 1/2 French-German mix.

I hate hate hate it when someone asks me, "So…you’re like Chinese, right?"

Now, I realize that like one out of four people on the earth are Chinese (or something like that) but come on, folks. There are other Asian people in the world.

Tibs.

8

One my daughter and wife hear all the time. “You look so much alike!”

“(Gasp) Really? We never noticed!”

The one that drives writers crazy (well, besides the traditional “where do you get your ideas?” is “do you write under your own name?”

Translation: “Why have I never heard of you?”

9

You’re tall. Do you play basketball?

You’re fat, are you a sumo wrestler?
You’re short, are you a jockey?
You’re a moron.

10

Wow, so you can, like, cook?

No. I paid $30K to the Le Cordon Bleu just for the express reason to teach me NOT to cook.

11

** You’re name is Brooke, huh? Like a river/like Brooke Shields/Like a babbling Brooke? ** My new line is: HAHAHAHA. That is a terrbily amusing thing to say. Never in my life have I ever heard my name compaired to that. You’re funny.

** You look like your father. ** Huh. Except for the fact that he’s a 6’ 2" BALD man. Thanks. Why don’t you just say that you have your father’s schnoze, huh?

This one only applies to me when I’m on-stage ** You need to speak up!** I’m not gonna blow my voice out in rehersal. I’ll be plenty loud for the show. Bite me.

I gained about 15 lbs, and am apparently now acceptable. But before, I heard…** I hate you, you’re so skinny. ** Thanks. While I know you’re being facecious, when you hear “I hate you” enough growing up, you start to believe it’s true. Would you tell someone who’s fat “Goodness, you make me feel lots better about myself?” No. So BACK OFF

12

Are you related to [insert name of a particular girl at my school who looks NOTHING like me but happens to have the same common last name]? Everyone at school has asked us both that at least twenty-five times in the past month. I’m tall, blonde, and rounded. She’s short, extremely Italian in appearance, and angular. (Facial features-wise, I mean. Not weight.) Of course we’re twins.

When you put your hair like that, you look like Kurt Cobain. Stupid, but annoying. For the record, I do NOT look like Kurt Cobain, unless he was a girl.

You’re moving to Mississippi?!? WHY? Are you racist or something? Of course I am. Everyone south of the Mason-Dixon line is a flaming racist homophobe with bad teeth.
Why do you have to be 18 to buy car-care products? What kind of kinky car-care products were they?

13

Are you a natural redhead?

Yes. The fact that you can’t see my eyebrows because they’re so light ought to be a giveaway. But no, I am NOT going to show you ANY more of my body hair to back it up. Just take my word for it.

From several gentlemen, upon learning that I have epilepsy:

Have you ever had a seizure during, well…you know…wow, I bet that would be cool!

No, I haven’t. And NO, it most certainly would NOT be cool, you ignorant yutz. While seizures and orgasms occasionally look the same, they certainly don’t feel the same. Now take that penis you thought could drive me into incontrollable convulsions of ecstasy and go annoy someone else. Wanker.

14

my first thought was ‘you’re kidding’ but obviously, you’re not. Doesn’t the vacuum in their heads echo when they speak?

Damn. that really troubles me. What nimrods. Damn. :frowning:

15

**wring:**Nope, not kidding. I have been asked that on numerous occasions, most recently last Monday. :rolleyes:

16

Well, until she asked to see my license, I didn’t know that there was a “dangerous chemical” (ie, huff-able) law in NH. I was buying Fuel Injector cleaner. I know that it’s the law in Mass, since I used to work in a department store before moving back to NH in 97’ and a screen on the register would ask if the person buying it was over 18. Supposedly the law is there to keep kids from getting ahold of dangerous stuff to try to get high with. She’s one of the many people who have added insult to injury by commenting that I look younger after making me show them my id for non-alcohol products. Even the librarian wouldn’t take my word for it that I was an adult. sigh.

17

:eek: :mad:

Damn. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with that.

18

Do you know professional wrestling is fake?

REALLY? News flash Jethro-while the ends of the matches are predetermined,the hits they take are real. I’ve been to enough tapings to see how hard they hit each other and how they limp backstage.

Is that your natural hair color?

Well at some point the chemicals were in a natural state so WTF,yes it is. Was I born with this color? No but I should have been.

And the All Time Most Annoying Question…

How can you have feelings for a man you’ve never met f2f?

Easy-he’s intelligent,articulate,funny,sweet,
cool as hell and a hottie to boot. Yes I’ve seen a picture and was very impressed. We talk for hours about everything and anything. He’s seen me at my worst and STILL wants to talk to me. A weaker man would have run away screaming by now but he’s still here. :slight_smile: I consider him one of my best friends and I know I can tell him anything and he won’t judge me. In short-he rocks.

19

Upon hearing that I go to Dartmouth:

Oh, you must be rich.
Would you like to see my financial aid statements and scholarships, asself?

Isn’t that where (Insert the things that Dartmouth has been in the news for this past year) happened?

Yes. Next question, please.

On hearing my major:

You’re a linguist? I guess that makes you a… cunning linguist!
That one got old the day my father said it. Shut up.

So you’re going to be a translator?
Thanks for knowing very little about my field. Look it up.

On hearing that I’m a lesbian:

I don’t mind gay people, as long as they don’t flaunt it.
I don’t mind lesbians, as long as they let me watch.
Want to have a threesome with me?
Do you use a dildo? Which one of you is the man?
Gay guys are gross, but I like watching lesbians.
How about some lesbian action?
I’m a lesbian in a man’s body!

Please never speak to me again, as you have proven yourself too ignorant for words.

20

Are you going to lose weight before your wedding? Uh, why? My dress fits. My fiance thinks I’m absolutely beautiful. And, I know this is the most surprising part, but I actually like the way I look. I’m healthy, so what’s it to you?
Corrolary to the first question Do you know you look fat in that? Gee, when I wear clothes I look fat? Newsflash, I look fat all the time. Get over it.

Are you really getting married? No, I’m just going through all the trouble of planning this huge thing so that at the ceremony I can say, “Gotcha! You’re on Candid Camera!” That’ll be especially funny to my parents who have put up big bucks for this, and all my family that has traveled great distances to be here.
Corrolary to the previous question Aren’t you too young to get married? What about school? (Ok, that’s two). I didn’t realize there is an age limit, what is it? When did you get married? Oh, and in case you didn’t know this already (you should though) I have a 21,000 scholarship to University of La Verne. I was accepted into 7 other schools. I plan on going to school. Just because I’m married does not mean I’m going to throw all my dreams in the toilet, and get knocked up ASAP. Don’t project your life onto me.