In another thread, I noticed several people commenting on questions they found rude.
For example:
“How old are you?”
“How much did that cost?”
“How much do you earn?”
“How much do you weigh?”
So what questions do you find rude, and why? Obviously, “It’s intrusive” and “It’s none of their business” will be common reasons, but if anyone cares to elaborate on why they find certain questions rude, feel free.
The ones that really bug me:
“How much do you earn?”
this one bugs me because (other than it’s nobody’s business) the person who continually tries to get this information has ulterior motives for knowing, not just innocent curiosity.
“Why not?” (said in response to a ‘no’ answer to the “Do you have kids” question)
this one bugs me because how on earth are you supposed to answer that? Seriously, the real answer could range from “We have crippling debt and aren’t ready yet”, “We’ve just had another failed IVF attempt, thanks for highlighting a highly emotional and private issue” or “Because we can’t stand the little fuckers” to various other private issues. Nosy old bats.
So what are the questions that people ask you that you find extremely rude?
grimace there are people out there who actually ask those questions? gah, I hope I never meet one. anybody for whom the knowledge acquired therefrom would be any of their business would not have to ask.
my teeth-setter is “so why’d y’all break up?”
…anyone I want to tell the story to, I’ll go to on my own. otherwise, kindly fuck off.
Depends on the person. For the most part, I don’t have any secrets, but as you correctly imply, some people do ask some pretty rude questions.
I learned a long time ago to always answer their question with a question. Keeps the conversation flowing and it will drive them nuts. Always with a smile, and always another question right back at them. It is kind of fun to see how long they will persist before they give up.
Rudest question?
A drunk straight guy I barely knew once asked me at a party who was the “woman” in my Gay relationship. I of course answered back with a question, “are you trying to learn some tips how to please your man?”
His girlfriend actually spit out her drink laughing and it ended the conversation pretty quickly.
Anything money related except “so what do you do?”
If I see someone driving a luxury car and I know for a fact they make less than 15k a year, I don’t expect an explanation nor would I dare ask for one. Maybe they have a rich dead relative, maybe they sell drugs, maybe they robbed a bank, maybe they’re secretly rich but work a low wage job to keep 'em humble – point is, I don’t care, and it’s none of my business.
I’ve found, though, that the money questions start flying the second people find anything incongruent in your life – like low income, fancy car; poor college students wearing designer clothes; etc.
It’s amazing how much personal information people think they’re entitled to just because they ask you for it. And you’re right, Essured, there’s always an ulterior motive behind it.
FWIW, I don’t find “how much did that cost” rude if one of my close friends is asking me. Usually when they ask something like that, it’s because they’re thinking about buying the same thing and want to know about how much it’ll cost them. Then sometimes they’re just curious as to whether or not I got a good deal on it. No big whoop, because I know they’re not asking with a hidden motive. Even if they’re just being nosey, that’s okay, because we’re friends and we’ve got it like that. (If an acquaintance does it, though, not ok.)
I don’t think “how old are you” is rude, either. I’ve never understood the thing about hiding your age; I always found it silly. If I’m blessed enough to live 80 years, I’m telling everyone about it.
Eh, I wont devulge what I make to anyone other than family.
But I have to admit I don’t get offended becuase they ask per se’ but more it’s a “competitive” thing?? In other words I’d feel a lot better if I knew for a fact I made more money than the person asking. Plus I have trust issues in that I don’t feel the person asking wil be totally honest when h/she tells me how much they make or that they’ll go blab’n to everybody about how much I make.
Upon reflection, I guess you could say I only get offended because I’m fucked up in the head.
I think I’m abnormal. I don’t care what people ask me. If someone asks me a personal question, I tend to be mildly flattered that they’d want to know me in that way. So there are few things I won’t answer, and I can’t think of any question off the top of my head that I would take offense to or consider rude. If I think someone has an ulterior motive for asking, I probably won’t answer them. But for the most part, I figure people are asking simply because they’re curious. I wonder about all sorts of personal stuff in other people’s lives. Sure, it’s none of my business, but if I’m simply curious, why should someone consider it rude that I’d want to know about it? I’m curious because I find the person or the situation interesting and want to know more. What’s wrong with that? I just don’t get it, although I completely understand that most people don’t share my perspective.
The big one for me is “How old are you?” But, it’s a product of my circumstances. I look younger than I am, and I started school earlier than most. Between the two, I have people questioning my age and judging me for it on a regular basis.
I am vertically challenged. I am not a dwarf or midget, I am just short. All of my adult life I have been asked “How tall are you?”. People don’t seem to get that that is a ridiculously rude question. I wonder if they would ask an actual little person how tall they are, but then again they probably would because rude is rude and doesn’t seem to have any bounds. I have gone from just plain not answering and glaring at them to countering with “How much do you weigh?”, “What’s your IQ?” or any other similarly rude question that will get the point across. Usually they get very embarassed and get the point and they apologize for asking the question.
“Where are you from?” is a perfectly acceptable question.
However, my reply “Belfast” has been known to elicit the following incredibly rude response:
“No, where are you originally from?”
What? I’m not white enough to born in Belfast?
I get that I’m not actually stereotypically Irish looking, and having a (white, half Jewish) Zimbabwean mother I don’t have much of an accent, but you heard what I said. I’m from Belfast, if I was really Greek, Isreali, Indian, Chinese or whatever you think I am I’d have said so.
“Are you Indian?” said in a certain tone from total strangers (also Indian of course).
Now, I’ve gotten much better about this. I don’t mind if I see you fairly often and you ask, like the bank teller who happens to be Pakistani. But don’t just come out of nowhere and ask. I know you are curious, but I will not automatically be your best friend because we happen to hail from the same country. Just wait until you see my very non-Indian boyfriend.
I mean E. Indian, for the record.
Other than that, “How much do you make?” I was forever burned when I went to a temp agency, and the guy asked me that, in the middle of the conference room, in front of himself, the secretary, and some other guy applying for a job. And after I debated with myself, and finally said it, everyone, “tsked” in pity. Humiliating.
When are you getting married/why aren’t you married/why don’t you find a bf who lives closer to you?
I don’t understand why everyone seems to think that marriage is the answer for everyone. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Obviously, not everyone should be getting married. I’m choosing at this point in my life not to gamble on those odds. Why should the particular reasons be any of anyone’s business? (Close friend excluded… but they’re usually not the ones who ask… it’s acquaintances, co-workers, people on airplanes, etc. that drive me crazy.) Why do people who don’t really know you all that well think they’re entitled to personal information about you?
I’m considering responding with “I’m putting off getting married so I can avoid your inevitable questions about why I’m not pregnant.”
Best response to a dodgy/rude/too personal question is “Why do you want to know?”, proceed according to the answer you receive.
“How much do you make?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Well, I always wanted to try X, and I want to know if the salary will meet my needs…”
Share or not/ Speak in generalities…
“How tall are you?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Um, no reason, just curious.”
Witty/Whithering remark ensues…
“How much do you weigh?”
“Why do you want to know?”
Embarrassment ensues as the petitioner realizes it was rude question…
It isn’t a perfect solution, but the motivations it reveals are sometimes fun.
Sometimes that can be expressing concern, though, rather than being nosey. I’ll usually say something like “everything OK?” and if the other party wants to elaborate, they can, and if not they can say “yeah, I’m fine” and leave it at that.
I get asked that all the fucking time, and I DO qualify as a little person. (BTW, midget is outdated and generally considered offensive.) Rude, indeed, knows no boundaries. I don’t mind being asked if there is a reason, but I hate it when it’s, say, a store clerk. Is there a height limit to buy groceries or something?
I must be extremely lucky. Nobody has ever asked me a question like any of the ones outlined here. There are no nosy old bats in my life, there is no water-cooler at work, and we don’t know any of our neighbors. So I guess I should count my blessings!
