Back around this time last year, me and the girlfriend opted to get what was then known as BellAtlantic DSL service, and after getting through the initial installation and setup (coping with their brain-dead idiot tech support and confuckulated badly-built installer) found the service to be decently reliable and quite fast. This setup was in her apartment, and when their telemarketer called me at my own pad and offered a free DSL modem and a month’s free service if I would sign on for DSL, I decided to go for it. My computer is a laptop (PowerBook) and so I figured I wouldn’t have to go through the setup experience again, just hook up the new modem and go.
Sure enough, box come in mail; I open box, pull out Westell DSL modem, electricity goes here, Cat-5 ethernet goes there, telephone line here, other end of Cat-5 into the computer, switch the sucker on, log on, effortless.
Then after awhile I get a voicemail message on the phone: “You need to register your new DSL service if you intend to continue using it”. ?? I thought the telemarketer had registered me, why else take my credit card number and all that crap? OK…T/C to the 800 number mentioned in the voicemail msg.
DSL_co: "Billing Dept how may I help you?
ahunter: “Got a voicemail saying I need to register my new DSL service. Thought I was registered when I signed up with your telemarketer.”
DSL_co: “Have you installed the software?”
ahunter: “Oh yeah, I’m up and running; in fact I’m online even as we speak”
DSL_co: "Oh, well then you must have registered as part of the installation process:
ahunter: “Well, not really. You see, this is my second account. We have DSL at my girlfriend’s place, we both use the connection there. This is a new line, but I’m on a laptop so the software was already set up, I just plugged in and logged on. Do I need to register in some fashion to activate or authenticate the new account, though?”
DSL_co: “You’re at your girlfriend’s place?”
ahunter: “No, I’m at my own place, where the new line is set up”
DSL_co: “You want to move your service from your girlfriend’s home to your own line?”
ahunter: “No! It’s two separate lines, we’re keeping them both. I want to have DSL here, and we both use DSL there”
DSL_co: “I can order service for you in your new apartment if you’d like. We’re currently offering one free month plus a free DSL modem…”
ahunter: “I already HAVE the modem, I’m using it right now!”
DSL_co: “But you want to get service…are you saying you want to set up service at your girlfriend’s number, or on your own?”
ahunter: “Well, it’s working at both places. I go there, I hook up, I can get online; I come here, I hook up, I can get online.”
DSL_co: “Then you’re all set”
ahunter: “Oh good. So I don’t have to register the new line or anything, I’m good to go”
DSL_co: “When you installed the software it would have registered you”
ahunter: “I told you, the software was installed over a year ago at my girlfriend’s. I think we had to do register using her computer, the Mac installer doesn’t work right, but I just copied the settings from her computer and used the same username and password and got the drivers in the right folders on my own…anyway, the question is, as long as I have a live DSL connection on my line here and I have a valid username and password that lets me log on, am I good to go? Or do you folks need some kind of additional billing information or official acceptance of the service before you can start billing me?”
DSL_co: “No, if it’s a different line, you need a different account.”
ahunter: “OK, let’s set me up then.”
DSL_co: “OK, find the Babybell DSL Registration utility on your hard drive”
ahunter: ::looks for the registration application. by some miracle I still have it on my hard drive a year later:: “OK”
DSL_co: “Double-click it”
ahunter: “Did”
DSL_co: “If the information is correct, click ‘OK’”
ahunter: “There’s no information to be correct or incorrect. Just a cursor that looks like two arrows chasing each other around and around in circles, and no ‘OK’ button”
DSL_co: “That’s odd, it should access the information you put in when you ran the installer”
ahunter: “Uh, I believe I mentioned that the installer doesn’t work right. I don’t believe I ever entered any information, I don’t think it ever got that far”
DSL_co: “Well, you’ll probably have to reinstall”
ahunter: “Now hold on…I’m not having any problems on my end. I have functioning DSL service. You folks called me up and said I needed to register, which I’m trying to do, but I don’t need any additional software installed”
DSL_co: “But you’re using your girlfriend’s account from her apartment?”
ahunter: “Well, I’m using that account, but I’m using it here in this apartment.”
DSL_co: “Hold on a moment…”
::on hold music::
DSL_co: “OK, I talked to a supervisor who said you could download the WinPOET dialer from our web site”
ahunter: “I don’t need the WinPOET dialer. First off, I’m on a Mac; and second, I’ve got the MacPOET dialer and I’m dialed in right now”
DSL_co: “How are you connected? Do you have a PCMCIA Ethernet card?”
ahunter: “No, it’s got built-in on-board Ethernet”
DSL_co: “Then how can it be connected to the DSL modem?”
ahunter: ??!!? “Well, there’s a wire, a cable, that goes from the Ethernet port to the back of the DSL modem, and the phone line also goes into the DSL modem”
DSL_co: “Hold on please…”
::on hold music::
DSL_co: “I’m going to transfer you to technical support”
::on hold music::
DSL_tech: “Hello, what number are you calling about?”
ahunter: “212-555-1212”
DSL_tech: “And what can I help you with today?”
ahunter: “I’m just trying to register my service. I’m not having any technical problems today, but I seem to have confused your associate, who transferred the call to you”
DSL_tech: “Have you installed the software yet?”
ahunter: “I have a previous installation of the software, because it is a laptop and we have DSL service at a different location. I think BabyBell.net just needs to get any billing information you don’t already have in order to bill me, and possibly I need a username and password specific to this new account although I could just continue using the other one”
DSL_tech: “What operating system are you using?”
ahunter: “MacOS 8.6, 9, sometimes ten”
DSL_tech: “And are you able to connect?”
ahunter: “I’m online right now”
DSL_tech: “OK, then you don’t have a technical support issue. You should call billing at 800-123-4567”
ahunter: “That’s where this call started out, and they transferred me to your line”
DSL_tech: “Uh, hold on…”
::on hold music::
DSL_tech: “OK, here’s a billing representative”
DSL_$rep: “Hi, Joe Schmeau here, I understand you’re trying to order new service?”
ahunter: “No, I’m trying to REGISTER new service which is already set up and working. That is, if I need to, which no one seems to be able to tell me one way or the other.”
DSL_$rep: “You definitely have to register in order to use the service.”
ahunter: “I’m using it right now and it isn’t registered”
DSL_$rep: “Are you using the install-1 temporary username and password?”
ahunter: “No, I’m using **** and ****, the username and password of the previously existing account that we set up on a different telephone line one year ago, which works fine up here. I have a new modem, I ordered new DSL service on this line, and my old settings work fine because it is a laptop and the laptop could care less if it is at address1 or address2 as long as it finds a DSL modem and the modem finds a telephone line on which DSL service has been activated. The only question is, do I need to DO something, an activity called “registering”, for the new line to continue working and for me to get billed?”
DSL_$rep: “Well, sooner or later they’ll catch up with you if you try to use services without paying for them. That other account is only for the other address”
ahunter: “Yeah, I have no problem with paying for the new account. I agree that I should pay for it. Can you set me up so that I will get billed for the new account?”
DSL_$rep: “Do you have the installation CDROM with you?”
ahunter: “I have no interest in installing or reinstalling software. My configuration works fine at both locations. I can type in a different, separate username and password if that’s important to Babybell.net, and I can give you whatever information you need to bill me…”
DSL_$rep: “I"m going to have to transfer you to technical support”
ahunter: “WAIT!!! Don’t do that. I was already transferred to them and they transferred me back here because they said it was not a technical support issue”
DSL_$rep: “We don’t have access to a manual registration process. They have to do it. I’ll talk with them when I transfer you. Please hold…”
::on hold music::
DSLTech2: "Hello, I understand you’re having trouble registering.:
ahunter: “I want to do a manual registration. I already have the software set up and it is working fine, and the installer, which is supposed to do an automatic registration, doesn’t work right on my computer so even if I wanted to reinstall the software just to obtain a registration screen, it doesn’t get that far before it locks up. So I need a manual registration.”
DSLTech2: “We can’t put you in that queue unless we document that we tried everything else first”
ahunter: “I went through the entire routine with your tech staff at the time of initial install. Boot with extensions off, remove networking preferences and start from scratch, everything. The installer won’t run, apparently, unless there is only one drive named “Macintosh HD” on the computer and nothing we did will get it to run.”
DSLTech2: “You can download a copy of the software from our web site”
ahunter: “Uh, that would be the installer, right?”
DSLTech2: “Just a moment…yes. You say you are on a Mac?”
ahunter: “Yes. A Mac that the installer won’t run on”
DSLTech2: “OK…OK, I’ll transfer you to the manual registration queue”
::on hold music::
DSL_reg: “Hello, may I help you?”
ahunter: “Hi, I need to do a manual registration of my new DSL line, I was transferred here for that purpose.”
DSL_reg: “Did you have an installation appointment?”
ahunter: “I have all the software installed and it works, but I need to do a manual registration, I was transferred here to do a manual registration, are you the person who does that?”
DSL_reg: “This is for a new service line?”
ahunter: “Yes”
DSL_reg: “Our registration server is down, you’ll have to call back later”
::click::
::dial tone::