Shmendrik:
We paid full tuition until three years ago. Since then, I’d estimate we pay about two-thirds for the elementary school, and 90% for the high school.
I would love to see a picture of your family! It sounds like there is a fair bit of love in your house. One of my best friends is one of 7 and she and her family are wonderful. Even in adulthood, they love and look after each other and their children. It is heartwarming to see the way they interact.
How many sets of dishes do you have, and how big is your kitchen?
Do you have any pets?
How would you react if one of your kids decided to practice another religion . . . or none at all . . . or at least no longer be Jewish in the religious sense of the term?
Or, how would you react if one of your kids wanted to marry outside the faith, and there were no plans for the partner to convert?
And how would you react if one of your daughters became pregnant, with no plans to marry . . . or if one of your sons got a girl pregnant?
And how would you react if one of your kids turned out to be gay? Are there openly gay people in your community?
keturah, thanks a lot. I’ll try to put up a few pictures tomorrow.
panache45:
No. At one point, we had fish, which died, and son # 1 had two hermit crabs, which are also no longer with us.
I would be extremely saddened that they would have rejected the religious/moral values that we have tried to impart. We would still love them, but our behavior toward them would be entirely in the interest of returning them to what we believe to be the proper spiritual path.
Well, “be gay” tends to have different meanings to people these days. If it only means that they are attracted to people of the same sex (while recognizing that our religion believes homosexual sex to be forbidden), then I’d be sympathetic and do whatever I can to ease the burden of having such desires while remaining true to the faith. If it means they intend to have religiously-forbidden sex and assert that they have every right to do so, then my answer would be similar to the other rejections of our religion, as above.
None have “come out” to me. I’d be extremely surprised if there are any in general.
If you had to sacrifice one of the kids to save the others, do you know which one it’ll be already?
Eyebrows of Doom:
I’ve heard about this, but my understanding had been that it was about closeted Orthodox Jewish gays, not open ones.
YogSosoth:
Good heavens, no. What do you mean, like if we lived in Nazi Germany or something and couldn’t save everyone and had to choose, G-d forbid, who to concentrate efforts on? Thank G-d I don’t have such a horrible dilemma to ever think about.
Is having such a large family common in the Orthodox Jewish community?
I had some questions, but got to this bit and have no further interest in participating. Having a parent who “loves you, but…” is significantly, hugely, fundamentally different from having a parent who just plain loves you. I hope that if the time ever comes, you consider this before deciding how to behave towards this hypothetical child.
I will not be checking back in on this thread.
What do you use for personal transportation? Do you have a ten-seat minibus? Do you divide the family up into two vehicles? Or do you just avoid everyone traveling together as much as possible?
As someone who would like to have a large family some day, I thought this thread has been really sweet and interesting. And then…
Yikes. You do realize you are raising actual people, right? Not little robots who will do whatever you tell them to?
pricciar:
I’d say that 8 would probably within the “big” part of a bell curve where the x-axis is number of kids and the y-axis is number of families with that number. Probably on the right, downward, slope, but before it starts hugging the bottom of the chart.
Little Nemo:
We only have one vehicle, and it is a 12-passenger Ford E-350 Econoline van.
The Universe Lashes Out:
Of course I do. They are all individuals, and I love them each for the person they are. There is much leeway for personal expression while still remaining religiously believing and observant. That said, I am a strong believer in my religion, and I believe that the way of life that I follow was devised our benefit, and for the benefit of the world at large. I believe that if any of them were to reject these teachings, that they are doing so to their own detriment and putting short-sighted, passing concerns ahead of eternal ones. If I (G-d forbid) fail to impart to them an understanding of and love for G-d that makes them feel the way I do, and my ancestors before me for millenia did, I have done them and the Jewish people a great disservice. And what kind of “love” would it be to blithely accept that there’s no hope they can return to the path that I sincerely believe is better for them?
I believe that this tread is about to be officially screwed. I am an atheist and hope that you, cmkeller, can raise your children with the love of religion and g-d that you yourself believe in. I also wouldn’t blame you if you start picking and choosing what questions to answer and what to ignore. You have a lot of kids, and the choice to answer questions on the subject shouldn’t open you up to attack at all levels.
My question: As a thirty year old that hasn’t had any children but is moving in that direction. I often wonder if I can give my child the same energy that my parent’s showed me. Do you think having children later in life can be a disservice to the child, in that you might not be as active in their early years as you might have been?
This might be too personal, but do you and your wife practice any form of birth control if for no other reason than to give her body time to recuperate?
sitchensis:
Thanks for the encouragement.
I don’t feel that way, personally. Parenting certainly takes energy, but children can understand physical limitations and moderate their expectations. The important thing (IMHO) is being emotionally prepared to raise the child. They care (and sense) whether or not you’re giving them your 100%, not so much what that 100% amounts to.
Pullet:
Yes, we do. Until we feel we’re ready for another (physically or mentally/emotionally), we use the pill. Which is not to say we’ve never been caught off our guard.
Thank you for replying. If I may ask a follow-up: You mentioned that you want to have as many children as G-d will grant you. Does use of the pill until you guys are emotionally/physically ready constitute thwarting G-d’s will?
I’m also interested in the idea you’ve expressed about how you feel that the best thing you can do for the world is perpetuate yours and your wife’s genes. If you have time, could you expand on this more? How do you know this is the best thing? Why your genes particularly?
Sorry, more personal questions. Do you guys eat A LOT of vegetables that you didn’t mention, or are maybe you not closely involved in the food purchasing and preparation? There is no way 10 people are eating close to what you describe there in a week and staying healthy. 5 pounds of potatoes is only about 5 potatoes. 4 pounds of chicken is about one chicken. 8 slices of pizza is one pizza. 1.5 pounds of hot dog is only a little more than one package of hot dogs. What you describe could keep one person, maybe 2 going for a week but not much more.
Pullet:
I don’t see it that way. We work in many ways to make our physical surroundings more comfortable for ourselves. Just like (in Jewish belief) G-d doesn’t require that we sit on rocks instead of sofas, he also doesn’t require (within the bounds of Jewish law, and we consulted a Rabbi before we ever went on the pill) that we run ourselves ragged by intentionally risking taking on more than we feel we can handle.
Re-read that line a little more carefully. I’m being sweet.
Well, I did admit that I’m bad at calculating our weekly food. I’m probably off on the pizza by half, so there is that. 5 pounds of potatoes is way more than 5 potatoes. 2 pounds of chicken breast cutlets makes enough for a main dish for the family for one night, I may be a bit off on how many pounds five leg quarters are, but that number of chicken legs pretty much one more meal. (remember from before that two of my kids don’t even eat meat other than hot dogs). A package of 7 or 8 hot dogs is 12 oz (at least the ones I buy), so 1.5 pounds of hot dogs is about 15, easily enough for a main for the family (especially when hamburgers get thrown in) plus to feed those two when the rest of us eat something else. There is rice, that adds quite a bit of substance to the meals which I forgot to mention, and there are veggies, though as a family we’re not that into them.
All in all, we don’t go to bed hungry. I just admit that I’m not good at figuring what we consume on a weekly basis.
You may not want to answer this, but can you expand on the above? I mean, do you plan on nagging them about keeping kosher, or do you mean you’d pretend they were dead and cut off contact? If you had a grown son or daughter who lived as an openly gay person, would you still welcome them as part of your family?
Considering how many of your children you describe as stubborn, I don’t foresee an easy path for you.
I agree, this answer really turned me off. Religious extremism is just too much for me to handle no matter if they are Christians, Muslims, or apparently Jewish as well.