Ask the Highly Sensitive Person

In My Humble Opinion
21

If someone I care about is upset, I might be upset that they’re upset, or at whatever’s making them upset. Likewise, I might be angry at the same thing a lot of people are angry about. But just merely being around people who are feeling a certain emotion strongly (say, when attending a funeral for someone I didn’t know) doesn’t affect me, no.

It depends on the loud noise. If it’s loud enough to cause me physical pain, or if I disliked the music that was playing, then it would irritate me, but that’s a seperate source of irritation from the loud noise or music merely existing. I may be irritated by loud rap music being played next to me while I’m trying to study, yet I routinely do homework with black metal blasting from my computer which is right in front of me. IOW, like the previous answer, the statement was sufficiently general that I wouldn’t answer it.

No. If I have many things to do in a short amount of time, then I will prioritize and do the most important ones first, and possibly not do some of the less important things. Likewise, if I’m already extremely busy, and my boss gives me 10 more things to do in the next hour, I will explain that I’m already working on something, and if he would like me to drop that and do the other, or if he wants to push back the deadline, I’d be happy to, but it’s physically impossible for me to do everything in the time frame specified. I don’t get upset or angry about it. Working for a long period without a break will cause me stress, just like anyone else, but the stress is the same whether I’m running around doing 50 things at once, or concentrating on one big project for an extended period.

22

It appears we are simply interpreting the test questions differently, which is another pointer that the test isn’t very good at what it tries to do.

23

I know it seems logical to doubt that such a thing as a Highly Sensitive Person actually exists. If I wasn’t one of 'em, I’d be cynical, too.

I wish that I could just say, “It does exist, I have it. I’m DIFFERENT than you. Trust me on this.” And everybody would, but that’s not going to happen.

I’ve actually arranged my life so that I’m rarely, if ever, uncomfortable. The normal discomforts that most people are easily able to filter out or get used to, I can’t tolerate. Big crowds, loud noises (especially rap music with loud, low bass), cold, heat, hunger, side effects from medications, scratchy textures, disagreeable tastes and smells, the list of things goes on and on. If I can’t avoid being uncomfortable, I soon get cranky and I can actually feel my nervous system getting wound tighter and tighter. Of course, I’ve discovered the ways to discharge that built-up energy that work for me. Some legal, some just barely, some decidedly not.

I’m pretty dichotomous, in that in addition to being highly sensitive, I’m also very opinionated, confident, and gregarious (once I get to know you). I’m no meek little mouse hiding in the corner, that’s for sure.

24

The thing that leaps out at me is that the Self Test is mixing up different type of sensitivities. For example it asks:

  • I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
  • I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.

Those are both physical sensitivies involving nerves and body chemistry. But then the test also asks things like this:

  • I am deeply moved by the arts or music. (an intellectual/aesthetic sensitivity)
  • I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once. (an emotional sensitivity)

There’s even one question that conflates two sensitivities:

  • I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.

I think it’s been demonstrated that some people have extra tastebuds that allow them to experience taste sensations differently. People with this condition are called “super tasters.” And of course it’s well documented that people have different chemical sensitivites and so on, reacting differently to medicine and pain.

But I think it’s a mistake to conflate that physical sensitivity to a heightened emotional sensitivity. A person might be emotionally fragile - or both emotionally and physically hyper-aware - but I’m not sure it’s very accurate or helpful to lump them into the same group.

And I don’t think aesthetic sensitivity has any place on the list at all. Honestly, to my ears, it’s almost as if she’s looking for a sort of romantic sensibility of the sort Jane Austen deplored. JMHO, of course. What do I know.

The above is all just a comment about the Self Test from the cite, not about any of the individual’s who have posted here. I’m not commenting on any of the poster’s feelings or thoughts. I’m just critiquing the Self Test. And again, maybe I’m off base.

25

I am one of them. It all fits. If this trait exists, I have it. I’m still cynical, precisely because it is logical to doubt it. That it happens to fit me, like it fits millions upon millions of others, doesn’t enter into it.

26

Indeed. Loud sounds don’t bother me much, and I’m not emotionally sensitive, but I have an annoyingly exquisite sense of touch. I’d be able to feel that tiny scratch in fiberglass that was mentioned earlier. Tags on clothing are evil and must be removed, and the stray threads that are left must be trimmed as close to the cloth as humanly possible. And so on.

I’m also extremely sensitive to ambient temperature. I’m most comfortable between 60 and 70 degrees. At 75, I start to become uncomfortable. Above 80, my skin starts hurting. Above 90, it really starts to suck. Direct sunlight hurts. So even though I’m not a “sensitive” person, I can imagine how it must be to be one. If all my senses were as sensitive as my sense of touch is, I think I’d go mad.

I’d also agree with Nithotep that there’s not a great correlation between sensitivity of senses and aesthetic sense. My hearing ain’t the best, and I’m good at tuning out sounds, but fine music is a huge part of my life. On the other hand, my vision is even worse, and I could take or leave most visual arts, so who knows.

27

I think there is no argument that the quiz is biased. But that doesn’t mean that HSP doesn’t exist.

I am an HSP. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to have some pyschologist somewhere (or perhaps just a health-issues reporter) come out several years with articles regarding this. True, the ones I read were all directed at parents of young kids, but I found many similarities between the kids’ profiles and myself. I used to think I was odd(and I am in some ways), but I never thought that there were others out there like me.

As pointed out, there are many types of sensitivities. I agree that it is incorrect to conflate them etc. The “doctor” doesn’t sound much of a scientist. Also, I will say that HSP incorporates alot of established personality traits–or seems to. Traits like introversion, shyness, “high strung-ness”, etc. It is a broader definition, and a more applicable one, IMO. If you think of sensitivity as a spectrum–HSP makes sense. I’m sure there is LSP out there as well.

I, too, cannot focus with loud music on–I will go farther and say that I cannot focus when ANY unfamiliar music is on. I have trouble shutting out background TV or conversations. I find it more than annoying–it is obstuctive to my ability to carry on my side of the conversation.

I cannot tolerate heat very well at all–I am uncomfortable at about 78. I cannot take too much pressure on my skin–and when it comes to sex, I cannot handle direct stimulation–I shut down. It is a huge turn off–and it is impossible to restart the engine right away, (so to speak). The lightest of touches will and does suffice most times.

Textures bother me–not as much as they used to. I was a very picky eater as a child, not because of the taste of things, per se, but the texture. I hated mushrooms as a kid–the flavor was fine, but it felt like I was eating the inside lining of my tennis shoe. I feel the hairs on the back of my arms rise if I brush velvet against the grain of the fabric(actually any fabric)–and I have to brush it the “correct” way to rid myself of the hair-rising reaction.

I can and do read the sublteties of people’s body language, tone and expression. I often summarize for people their own meandering thoughts and indentify the feelings underneath them. I am not big on psychics etc, and certainly do not claim that, but I do think that there are people who are very intuitive about others. On Meyers-Briggs, I am an INTJ.

Too much sun will give me a headache (and I mean the amount of sun you get from travelling in a car about 30 miles)–glare is especially troubling to me and I go nowhere without sunglasses. I may not wear them, but I need to have the option available.

I have arranged my life so that I have only episodic exposure to too much stimuli–I work part time as a nurse-- a job that has definetly exacerbated my sensitivity-which is one reason I only work part time. I have no music on at home or TV for “company”, either. I make sure that I have plenty of alone time in which to process the convos/meetings/interactions/trips downtown etc in solitude.

Believe me, if I could live another way, I would. I have tried–it is too exhausting. I like people and I like to do things–but I know my limits and respect them.

Now, you may call BS on all of this. All I can say is that you cannot know how if feels to literally feel assaulted by verbal/tactile stimuli on a daily basis. I realize that everyone else seems to be tootling alone just fine. I am not asking for anyone to stop or even consider my issues. I am just relating my perspective.

Actually, the internet has been a great boon to me. (Christ, I probably sound like a freak of nature now)–but it has allowed me to have intense conversations w/o the bombardment of all the other stimuli involved in face to face encounters. I do enjoy those, too, but hit overload much sooner.

28

Yes, I can. I’m as much of an HSP as you are. All the stuff on that site fits me too. I was seen as shy and sensitive too. Do you want to listen to more stories like yours? I’ve got plenty.

I just don’t believe there’s anything there that’s outside the scope of perfectly normal human variation and I haven’t seen any research to indicate otherwise. It’s just another bookselling campaign. If the research is so solid, why isn’t it there on the site (once again, if I have simply missed it, please point it out to me)? If everything is legit, why is the quiz biased? There are big holes in the credibility here.

29

Why do you need to fit into some category or have it established “scientifically”?

It’s enough for me to know that there are others out there who have the same degree of sensitivity to most forms of stimuli like I do.

It sounds so damn obvious, but for most of my childhood I was teased and told to “stop it”. Stop what? Stop my nervous system from sending signals of distress?

I don’t care about the book, and will neither buy it or read it. It doesn’t matter to me if the doctor is a charlatan or a sage.

What matters is that this whatever this is, be it new “syndrome” or new age psycho-babble, is now recognized to some extent and has a name of some kind.
I completely agree with you that it is all on a spectrum–isn’t all human behavior and response on some kind of spectrum or another? Some would call me hysterical or neurotic or diagnose me with an anxiety disorder–whatever. I don’t think, despite what I’ve posted here, that any of symptoms require meds or even therapy. I cope–and I actually enjoy loud music in my car; I enjoy meeting new people for short periods of time (an evening, not a weekend)–in fact, I live a normal life, as do most other HSPs.

I don’t understand why you seem to be stating that the lack of good research means that no such syndrome or disorder can exist. The traits exist–all this doc has done is put a name to them. If you want to argue what traits should be included, I think that is a sound idea.

30

Wow, eleanorrigby you just described me perfectly! Even though I know logically that there are a lot of other people out there like me, it’s so comforting to actually read your words and KNOW that there are others like me.

Priceguy, I don’t understand what you’re debating. You do acknowledge that such a thing exists, right? Even if Dr. Aron has created her empire around suspect “research”, obviously she’s onto something, right?

It would make sense if, as Dr. Aron claims, evolution chose for a small percentage of people (10-20% from what I’ve read) to be the ones willing to stay home, to not go out conquering but do the teaching, the emotional and spiritual caretaking, the taking care of things behind the scenes. It’s been established that there is a risk-taking gene, why not the opposite? I haven’t googled it lately- I’ll have to research to see if there have been studies or other researchers on this.

31

I don’t. I think the whole deal should be left alone. I barely think it qualifies as a “deal”. However, Dr Aron seems to have that need, and she seems to claim that it is established scientifically. That I have issues with, unless she can back it up.

Good.

Where do we stop? How many categories do we give names? How about people who like peaches but not grapefruit, do they need a name, a book, a doctor talking about them? It’s perfectly obvious to anyone giving the matter a moment’s thought that some people are more sensitive to various stimuli than other people. There is no disagreement on that point. The disagreement is apparently that I think that is enough, whereas you think we should give it a name and a very loose definition.

I’m not; I’m saying that the lack of good research means there is no evidence such a syndrome or disorder does exist.

Included in the concept “Highly Sensitive Person”? I think the concept is useless. It’s nothing but a book plug.

That some people are more sensitive to various stimuli than other people? Sure. I think you’ll be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t.

She’s “onto” something that is perfectly obvious to everybody, and which warrants no further attention.

So some people get more rattled than others by loud noises or coarse fabrics or bright lights or being asked to do many things at once. So what? Is anyone surprised by this? What I object to is the arbitrary labeling that pretends to be scientific and serves no good purpose, and I especially object to casual mentions of it (like in the post that spawned this thread) as if it were something real and generally accepted.

32

But this is how alot of diseases get identified and named and classified–look at Dr. Parkinson or Tourette’s–suddenly the diseases seemed to be everywhere-how could this be? Fact is-they were always there, nobody had put the pieces together and demonstrated how they fit together to make a disease process.

Now, HSP is NOT the same as a physiological disease of the nervous system-not even close.

But why not attempt to categorize, to delineate? One could same the same about anxiety disorder–“so, some people worry more than others-so what?”- and yet AD is a well established and treatable condition. Same with dsythmia or chronic depression–get over yourselves already! Cheer up!
I think that Dr. Aron is onto something–most likely completely by accident and without a true scientific bent. I also think that it needs waaaaay more research, stricter guidelines and recognition by the medical community.

Me, I’m just happy to know that there are others out there who understand and won’t tell me to “get over it”. I have gotten over it–I have adjusted and cope just fine. To all you insensates out there–yo, feel this!*

*joke

:slight_smile:

33

Exactly. This isn’t a disease or disorder precisely because people cope. It doesn’t wreck their lives. Now, if there is something there I’ll happily see it categorized and delineated, and I’ll happily see books and papers and what have you on it, and I’ll happily see remedies and advice and anything else the medical community can cook up. So far, I haven’t seen the evidence that there is something there.

I look at this whole business pretty much the same way I look at feng shui. Of course the placement of furniture in an office affects the people working there. But why pretend there is more to it than that?

34

Do you view this high sensitivity as a problem? Would you be willing to take a drug that would make you less sensitive?

35

Speaking as a self-identified sensitive person, I would say high sensitivity is no more a problem than any other character trait. Every trait has it’s ups and downs. As for the second question, I would not be willing to take a drug that would make me less sensitive. To me that sounds like asking someone with excellent vision if they would be willing to wear glasses that would fuzz things up a bit.

36

This is a terrible way to regard disease and health issues. Define wreck. Why must a disease process be devastating to be valid?

People “cope” with all manner of horrible conditions–Post partum depression women, for example, “cope” -that doesn’t mean that their lives are even near optimum. Just because an individual is managing to get along in life doesn’t mean that they cannot be helped to achieve a fuller, richer life–if so desired by the individual. What is that quote about people living lives of quiet desperation? It may well apply to some HSPs–or some anxiety disordered, or slightly obsessive/compulsive folks etc.

How severe does a syndrome or condition have to be before you will recognize it and think it has value? I don’t have much patience with chronic fatigue syndrome, but if therapy helps those effected to live more productive lives (as measured by themselves), who am I to cavil?

I don’t see any treatment for HSP–but I would think that an anti-anxiety med would most likely help in some way. Therapy may help too, depending on the degree of affliction (so to speak). What do they do with newly dry alchoholics? Aren’t they told to plan ahead and look for potential trouble “zones” where they might be tempted or misled etc? Same thing for HSPs–I plan ahead and accordingly, as best I can. It’s automatic, really. It’s just nice to know that there are others who are doing the same thing.

Like most personality issues, it is enough for us HSPs to know that there are others out there and to discuss individual strategies for coping.

I fail to see anythink particulary peculiar, contemptous or useless about it.

Heap abuse all you want on the good doctor–and I won’t bat an eye. But dismiss the adjustments that I have made constantly over my lifetime to cope with being highly sensitive and I’ll protest.

37

Hm.

I’m still very cynical about the test.

But I have been convinced that it can be a valuable diagnosis, for the following reason:

I related very much to eleanorrigby’s post about needing ‘down time.’ Some people can fill up their days with activity, getting five or six hours sleep, skipping from work to meeting to dinner to movie to party, and accomplish a lot.

I am not one of those people, although there are so many things I want to do that I would very much like to be one. I’ve tried, but if I don’t get to sit at home and do nothing more challenging than make dinner for at least three evenings a week, my mind and body just stop working effectively. I can’t do it.

In this culture of overachievement, when we all need to be superstars, this ‘lifestyle’ can have many negative connotations. If you can’t do all the many, many things that make up the commonly-expected “lifestyle” then you will be considered lazy or unmotivated or all kinds of equally un-American (or un-Canadian) things.

An official ‘diagnosis’ (or label) for a condition can be a great relief to those so labelled. “See?” says the overstimulated one. “I’m not lazy, I am just on the far end of the spectrum of sensitivity to constant activity.”

I think it would be valuable to separate out the different types of sensitivity for each of the senses. Emotional sensitivity I think is more accurately described using the idea of ‘intelligence’ - it is one of 7(?), along with kinesthetic, artistic, etc.

I also think taste/preference is a big confounding factor. For instance, rap music gets a lot of flak but I, who could be (and has been!) driven screaming from a room by a Phil Collins song, have no problems at all with rap except occasionally volume.

While a ‘diagnosis’ may be quite valuable, I do worry that people may take refuge in it and be reluctant to try new things. For instance, ten years ago I would have called myself highly sensitive w.r.t food, I was a very picky eater in terms of both taste and of texture. Now, though, I have learned to make myself overcome initial reluctances and have successfully developed a taste for everything I once hated. (Still working on coriander. But I’m getting better.)

38

eleanorigby, I will grant that Priceguy is correct when he states that being an HSP is not a disease or disorder. As featherlou says, it’s no more of a “problem” than any other character trait. I think the words “character trait” imply that it’s something that is acquired through environment, life experiences, etc., though, and that’s not the case. What it is, is inborn; it’s a trait like the ability to curl your tongue or having asparagus make your pee stink. But since it affects the way you perceive the world, it can’t help but affect the way you react to the world - so it’s seen by some as an “emotional” issue.

Being highly sensitive in and of itself, does not “wreck” anyone’s life. Being scorned & abused for who you are by people you are supposed to be able to trust is what wrecks the lives of some HSP’s. Being understood, appreciated and encouraged is what makes anyone capable of having a happy, fulfilled life.

Having said that, it is harder to be “normal” or “happy & fulfilled” if you do not conform to the cultural “norm.” Being in a minority of 10-20% means you don’t necessarily conform to the cultural “norm.”

So, no, I don’t need a pill or cure for being an HSP. What I do need is for the society I live in to be educated that some of us are this way, and that it’s normal. I need to not be stigmatized for who am I. I need to receive support for the abuse I did receive as a child, so I can learn to let go of the pain & resentment and move ahead in my life. I need to learn how to take care of my needs so that I function better. Those are legitimate needs.

39

Cite? To make such a statement, we must have identified the trait, we must have a method to locate it or note its absence, and we must have done a large controlled study.

40

What kind of study?

I doubt highly that ADD or autism was “discovered” on the basis of a large controlled study.

What is needed is acute observation of a population over time. And much more rigourously applied defining characteristics.

If all HSP is a one hash mark on the spectrum of personality, I’m fine with that.

I yam what I yam… :slight_smile: