I think I'm a Highly Sensitive Person. How do I deal with it?

[Lakai]

I’ve been reading this ever since I’ve read a thread where a doper said that she was an HSP.

I took their test and answered true on 21 of the questions. The site claims that 14 answers of true is enough to be considered an HSP. The traits they list are accurate enough for me to at least explore the possibility of remedies.

In particular, these there things annoy me:

From the website:
I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days,into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.

My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.

When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.

It would be nice if I could find a way to deal with all that.

Does anyone know if the book from the website is worth reading? The site doesn’t really explain how the book helps.

Any other advice?

[meenie7]

:eek: I answered yes to 23 of those questions. Especially the ones about chaos or loud noise bothering me…I become intensely annoyed and can’t think straight when our dog barks, for instance, and won’t talk until she stops, not because I don’t think people can hear me, but literally because I can’t think.

So I would be very interested in any advice people have, too.

[Spice_Weasel]

This might sound glib, because it’s late, but ‘‘Highly Sensitive Person’’ as it is described in that link sounds remarkably like ‘‘Highly Anxious Person.’’ ‘‘Frazzled,’’ ‘‘stimulated,’’ ‘‘nervous’’ are all feelings associated with anxiety. Having them occur at a remarkably high rate and interfere with everyday functioning would be indicative of an anxiety disorder.

I have no idea what the book recommends, but it strikes me as trying to normalize and reinforce as positive what is essentially a pathology.

The only thing wiki says in criticism is this:

[QUOTE=HSP wiki]
As explained above, many writers on HSP propose a positive, accepting attitude towards (being an) HSP. However, this is not the general consensus in the professional psychological community. E.g. Jeffrey E. Young, founder of the increasingly applied Schema Therapy, although never having been critical of HSP writers or writings, links high sensitivity, or as he calls it, the ‘highly empathic temperament’, with the Self Sacrifice Schema (Young, 2003, p. 246-251), which in turn is almost always related to the Emotional Deprivation Schema. In his opinion, these persons (patients) need to learn to focus on themselves instead of others and to learn to get their own needs met, needs they typically are not aware of. As such, HSP can be seen not as a positive personality trait, but as a psychopathological condition that can be treated with experiential, cognitive, behavioral and limited-reparenting strategies.
[/QUOTE]

So I’m not the only person who thinks that way, I guess, though I don’t know a lot about Schema Therapy and can’t comment on the wisdom of trusting Young’s interpretation.

[QUOTE=HSP wiki]
This temperament may also have some correlation with continuously high cortisol levels, which may cause hypervigilance and susceptibility to trauma, or the same traumas may encourage hypervigilance, which in turn may contribute to high cortisol. Being highly sensitive may amplify or create psychological issues when overarousal occurs. The ability to unconsciously or semi-consciously process environmental subtleties often contributes to an HSP seeming ‘gifted’ or possessing a ‘sixth sense’.
[/QUOTE]

The research supporting it is unclear, though what is obvious is that Ms. Aron strives to make her work research-based and accepted by the psychological community. If research reveals 20% of folks are wired differently, e.g. more sensitive, how is this differentiated from anxiety or trauma complexes like PTSD (hypervigilance is mentioned as a characteristic of HSP, for example, and this is a major characteristic of PTSD as well. Whether HSPs develop PTSD more easily or PTSD sufferers are interpreted as being HSPs is kind of hard to determine, no?)

[Maui_Lion]

I hit 21 answers too, but it’s no surprise. Everyone who knows me knows I’m very sensitive, and even little things that one would think wouldn’t affect me…well, does. I get especially twitchy when I’m given a lot of tasks in a short time, I feel easily overwhelmed and can’t think straight. Just give me one or two tasks at a time and Ill be fine.
I went through a period once where almost everything my boyfriend did I somehow was sensitive to, and he felt like he couldn’t tell me anything without me getting upset. That was a hard time.
I’ve gotten better though!

Oh, and if anything changes in my workplace that makes me have to deviate from what I was first taught, I get really on edge. I like things staying the same, although I also like variety in life too.
Sounds weird don’t it.
One example was I got upset when they started wanting me to file my papers all in separate folders, and at the time I would date and timestamp my work so if I needed to backtrack I could. I didn’t need no stinkin’ folders! Leave me alone, my system works and isn’t hurting anyone!
gasp pant
Once I went through three managers within six months, and they all had different ways of running the place. I was a wreck then. Thankfully they were understanding…

[DMark]

That self test is so bogus…I am not at all highly sensitive and still got a result showing I “needed” the book. Apparently it is highly sensitive to notice that other people are having mood swings and you should avoid them…I call that common sense. For instance, I don’t go up to people running with knives in parking lots and talking to themselves, as I think they might not be in the mood to chat - call me weird.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being sensitive - only if it effects your daily routine to the point of compulsions.

If, however, you take everything personally and worry about every word someone says to you, well…my best advice is to step back and try to figure out why this bothers you so much. Who the hell are they, and why should you take what they say to heart?

Most people are idiots (hence George W. Bush is our President), so why the hell should you care what they say or think?

[Cisco]

[QUOTE=DMark]
That self test is so bogus…
[/QUOTE]

Jesus Christ could it be more blatantly bogus?

“I have a rich, complex inner life”

Who’s gonna admit to being an airhead?

“I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment”

This is a circular-logic type question. Everyone is going to answer yes to this, because everyone is aware of the subtlest things they perceive.

“I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.”

I try to make as many mistakes as possible and drink a beer for each one at the end of every night!

:rolleyes: What a load. That “test” is nothing more than a sales technique.

My advice: define yourself. You’ll spend a lot of money trying to let other people define you, and they’ll never get it right.

[lavenderviolet]

Definitely take that Self-Test with a grain of salt. In fact, anytime you take a personality test, remember The Forer effect:

The Forer effect refers to the tendency of people to rate sets of statements as highly accurate for them personally even though the statements could apply to many people.

Psychologist Bertram R. Forer found that people tend to accept vague and general personality descriptions as uniquely applicable to themselves without realizing that the same description could be applied to just about anyone. Consider the following as if it were given to you as an evaluation of your personality.

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others’ statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

Forer gave a personality test to his students, ignored their answers, and gave each student the above evaluation. He asked them to evaluate the evaluation from 0 to 5, with “5” meaning the recipient felt the evaluation was an “excellent” assessment and “4” meaning the assessment was “good.” The class average evaluation was 4.26. That was in 1948. The test has been repeated hundreds of time with psychology students and the average is still around 4.2 out of 5, or 84% accurate.

Most people could say yes to enough of the statements in that HSP test to be called “highly sensitive”. It’s normal to be affected by other people’s moods. It’s normal to dislike chaos and loud noise. It’s normal to find it stressful when you’re given a lot of tasks to do in a short time. I am often quite oblivious to my surroundings, but I still had to answer yes to 16 of those questions (yep, I am moved by the arts/music and do occasionally get stressed out by chaos - probably most folks could say the same). I would be curious to find out if anyone on this board DOESN’T get labelled highly sensitive by that test.

[Acid_Lamp]

That test is bogus. I’m an officially diagnosed Hyper sensitive (mild) and there are from WIG two distinct types that may or may not overlap. I’m the physical sort. Bright lights, overly strong smells, loud noises, and crowds bother me intensely. If you are of that type, there is lots you can do. I have transition lenses on my glasses that also have the highest possible level of UV protection. They darken up nearly instantly to help with bright lights. If it’s REALLY bright, as it often is here in FLorida, I’ll wear a broad brimmed hat outside as well. Smells can be harder, but I’ve found that on bad days carrying around something that I like the smell of with me can help to tune out really offensive odors until I can remove myself, or the odor source. Things that work well include a bandana with some essential oil on it, or a travel sized thing of hand balm. A little of that rubbed into my moustache will last an hour or so and cancels out offensive odors thoroughly. Sounds are the hardest. The only real solution is to remove yourself from the range of the noise, or find some way to cancel it. In the case of neighbors with insidious bass, I use soft ear plugs. We now rent a house and it is not much of an issue. I’ve never had major tactile issues, but I’m told one must gradually de-sensitize oneself to stimulus. I deal with crowds by simply avoiding them as much as possible, and using smart strategies (like doing theme parks “backwards” and eating lunch late) to minimize the jostling and pushing.

The other sort is more like anxiety issues. I don’t have those so I can’t be of help.

[Acid_Lamp]

I wanted to add that it is not always a bad thing. The hyper sensitivity also means that I can detect such stimulus in far minuter quantities than most people. It’s nice be a super taster and enjoy all the rich taste notes in foods and drink. My hearing is so acute that I often get to see more wildlife on nature walks as I’m both conscious of my own noise, and those around me. By the same token, I often hear harmonics and odd aural phenomena in music that most people are unaware of. My night vision is excellent compared to most, though I pay for it during the day. The overly sensitive sense of smell can be fun as well, since i can identify co-workers and friends by their colognes or personal smells (not BO).

[Charger]

If you perceive yourself as emotionally-sensitive-compared-to-most-people, then you are simply admitting to yourself that you are affected by other people. Having an awareness of the moods and emotions of people around you makes you a compassionate person and that your empathy is easily triggered. You feel bad if you might have been inadvertantly rude to a cashier, for example, and that thought torments you for a long time. In other words, people with big hearts are easy to hurt. Sometimes, bully personalities zero-in on this and enjoy tormenting us, because it is very effective. We try to disarm the meanies by turning inward and analyzing the situation and trying to work it out within ourselves. Which is why Big Hearts are often very shy. The way to overcome this is to disarm the hurtful people and situations, externally, by acknowledging that they are hurtful to you because you have a big heart. I am learning to do this and it is making a difference in the way I internally handle negative situations. I don’t even have a book to sell.

[Grey_area]

What’s interesting is that they don’t seem to make a distinction between being emotionally sensitive and being sensitive to stimuli. I’ve discovered fairly recently that I am in fact a huge a pansy and take everything personally, worry constantly, and tend to empathize easily, making me a bit of the former. But in terms of physical stimuli, I am not at all sensitive. I am often oblivious to my surroundings and often discover little cuts and bruises and other minor injuries I’ve sustained without noticing (and without being impaired by alcohol or anything like that).

[Nava]

[QUOTE=lavenderviolet]
…It’s normal to be affected by other people’s moods. It’s normal to dislike chaos and loud noise. It’s normal to find it stressful when you’re given a lot of tasks to do in a short time…
[/QUOTE]

The devil is in the details or, in this case, in the levels. My idea of “loud noise” would be below notice for one of those guys who like to share their car system’s music with the whole world; I can handle up to 6 subprojects at a time (less if I’m tired), while other people need to be given one step at a time (not just one task, but one step). And if you’re not affected by other people’s moods at all, hie thee to a shrink, 'cos either you live in a cabin in Montana with no internet (in which case, how did you get to the Dope?) or you’re a sociopath .

That test is a sales tool and nothing else.

[monstro]

I’m kind of like Grey area. I’m emotionally very sensitive, but I don’t think I’m all that physically sensitive. I do startle very easily, but that’s because I tend to hyperfocus and block out all external stimuli, so that I don’t sense what’s going on until it’s literally right in front of me. I hate loud noises, but who doesn’t?

I guess knowing that you’re sensitive is half the battle. When someone does something that hurts my feelings, my first reaction is to blame myself and basically “agree” with them that I suck. But when I remind myself that I ALWAYS do this, then I recognize that either I’m misunderstanding what was communicated or I’m taking it way too personal.

The one saving grace is that I tend to be aware of other people’s insecurities and sensitivities and know what to say when they crop up. So I come across as “nice”. People tend to talk to me openly because I have a very non-judgemental way of interacting with them, and I’ve often been sent on workplace diplomatic missions because I know how to break bad news while preserving egos. If I were more talkative and less insane, I’d probably make a good mental health counselor.

[drachillix]

[QUOTE=Lakai]
It would be nice if I could find a way to deal with all that.

Does anyone know if the book from the website is worth reading? The site doesn’t really explain how the book helps.

Any other advice?
[/QUOTE]

Heh, I scored 14 even with things in my history like working in amusement park operations, and Emergency medical technician. If anything I am rather immune to noise, and chaos. Granted, if I am in a quiet focused place and my phone rings I do tend to startle easily.

[Boyo_Jim]

I scored 10. The scoring page, among other things, said this:

If fewer questions are true of you, but extremely true, that might also justify calling you highly sensitive.

Bullshit.

[Idlewild]

I scored 16 but found it a mishmash of the physical and emotional for sure.

I know I am physically sensitive. It’s a running gag with my husband and friends. I’m like the princess in the Princess and the Pea. If there’s a physical irritant, no matter how minor, around, I’ll be twitching. I’m particularly touch sensitive, although noise and scent can also get to me.

I also know I’m emotionally not perhaps as robust as I’d like, but that is a whole different ballgame entirely. The two are not, as far as I can tell from my self-knowledge, connected.

And I don’t consider either physical or emotional sensitivity to be particularly positive traits. Especially not having to be Princess “Don’t Come Near Me Until You Take That Hairy Sweater Off.” That just sucks.

As to how to deal with overstimulation - recognize your needs and make space for them. I need private time, and I need to back away from chaos. I assert those needs and make sure that I can function at my best. Lots of people need that sort of thing. That’s why not all of us are party animals. I don’t mean to be dismissive, it’s just that for me that’s what it comes down to: figure out what you need to function and do it. Don’t worry about whether it’s “right” or a “problem” that you need your own time and space. Just take it.

[Alice_The_Goon]

I’m an HSP, and I certainly don’t view it as a problem. I just recognize my needs, and that they may be different than others’, and I take care of myself. For me that means getting enough sleep and food, and staying away from overstimulation. I really do try to not ever be uncomfortable- when I’m uncomfortable, I’m *really * unhappy. I also make it a point to accept my friends and family how they are, because then it’s a lot easier for them to accept me for how I am. I am not, however, a “highly anxious person”- I am almost always very calm and controlled.

Being an HSP carries a lot of advantages- as another poster said, you tend to taste and appreciate good food more, and good music, and, to be frank, good sex. Anything that feels good, feels *really * good to me. I’ve read that being HSP means that you process things on a deeper level than most, and I’ve found that to be true.