what are some things that are “not guy”? does that mean things generally specifically female only? (i.e. makeup)
BTW Atheism,Muslim,Alaska arent guy specific…unlike romote control…
Ah! Another Costanzaist. All we need is a drain. Or a tree.
Dear Not a Guy,
Do women understand men in general? If you were to spot a man walking out and about somewhere with what accuracy could you guess what he was thinking about?
Guyly yours,
Osiris
Ok, this is totally serious. My life could depend on it. I mean it!
Can women tell you are lying when they look you in the eye?
If you are squatting over the toilet (to avoid whatever nastiness is on there), do you have the seat up or down?
I vote for having it up. Avoids the “raindrop” phenomenon on the seat.
ooo, ooo, can I answer this one??
The answer is always sex.
OK, now ask a difficult one…
We’re supposed to use our arm as a breast-shield? Argh! Why aren’t I notified of these things?
Yes.
Tell you what, xanakis – you describe in detail what it’s like to be a guy, and I’ll let you know what differs.
Muffin:
Top Ten Likes:
10. Being able to cry at sad movies without embarrassment.
9. Being able to get manly men to kill spiders for me (yes, I abuse this one shamelessly).
8. Two words: Bunny slippers.
7. No fear of catching anything in my zipper.
6. Being small enough to fit under the chin of my loved one.
5. No pressure to be the initiator of a relationship (guys, that must SO suck.)
4. Not having to prove my toughness/strength/nerve/wage-earning capacity against others of my gender.
3. Having my child-rearing decisions accepted by default.
2. Societal acceptance of my decision to stay home and be a full-time parent.
and the number one thing I love about being a woman: Seriously - being able to grow and nurse a baby. VERY cool.
Top Ten Dislikes:
10. Leg-shaving, bras, and high heels.
9. I throw like a girl and can’t figure out how not to. I hate that.
8. Having men assume they can put their things in my purse and I won’t mind.
7. The assumption that I would know where you put something, and the outrage when I don’t.
6. Mild penis envy – I just really wanna be able to pee on a tree.
5. Feeling like I should conform to other women’s standards in terms of appearance.
4. Having my ideas dismissed not for lack of merit, but for lack of penis.
3. Being scared of sexual violence, and knowing that I have reason to be.
2. Menstruation and the accoutrements thereof.
and the number 1 thing I dislike about being a woman: Having my friendships with men scrutinized for sexual content.
Dear Curious in Cincinnati:
Well, unless we are talking to very close friends, we generally just blush, lower our eyes and refer to it as “my…well…youknow”. Among our own close friends, though, we do mention our…well…youknows from time to time. As a rule, we don’t give them diminutives of our own names (i.e. “Little Janie”) – that seems to be an exclusively guy thing. I have heard lots of little nicknames that have apparently been deemed OK for use by women: yoni, poonie, flower, peepka, etc.
Personally, I like “Georgia”. It’s down south, it’s warm, it’s on guys’ minds, and occasionally I can get the devil to go down there.
Dear Curious in Chicago:
Let me put it this way: if a woman is bumping her breast repeatedly into you without an arm-shielding gesture, she’s probably doing it on purpose. Breast-bumping is not as a rule a very sexy thing to us girls – it is a sensitive area and abrupt bumping hurts. The first couple unshielded bumps can be excused as unexpected, but if the bumping continues, or evolves into a rotational pattern of any kind, or is accompanied by batting of eyelashes and heavy breathing, it’s deliberate.
and
Dear Osiris and puk:
Yes. We know exactly what you are thinking and you oughta be ashamed of yourself. Wash your mind out with soap this instant.
Actually, we can sort of tell. It’s not that we’re mind-readers, it’s that you guys aren’t all that good at hiding your emotions, and we women are trained from birth to recognize emotional expression. Some things are easy: we can tell when your mind is not on sex, when your masculinity has been recently challenged, and when you really don’t know what we’re pissed at you for.
Most women can spot a lie at one hundred paces, eyeball contact or no. Admittedly, we often do not acknowledge that we know this, and might delude ourselves into believing you when you lie, but when all the chips are down, we have to grudgingly admit we saw it coming a long way off. This applies to small lies as well as big lies – in other words, we know when you’re planning a surprise party. We will pretend to be surprised, for we love you and wouldn’t want you to feel as though you wasted your time. And you shouldn’t let this stop you from doing so.
LOL!
Now that is just frickin’ hilarious!
Women can always tell when you’re lying. ALWAYS.
We might not immediately let on that we know you’re lying, but we always do. You can count on it.
What’s with the shoes?
7 or 8 pair comfortably fulfill all my needs.
My wife’s shoeboxes look like the final warehouse scene from Raiders.
'Splain please.
Shoes? What shoes? Lieu, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t have that m…
oh, those shoes? The red ones? I need them to go with the red dress. No, silly, I can’t wear the black ones with the red dress, because see this here? This here is a pattern with brown in it and everyone knows you don’t wear black with brown. And no, I can’t wear the brown shoes, because the heel is plainly too low for a dress that long, and I’ll look like I am on wheels unless someone can see my calves. No, I can’t wear THOSE red ones either, they’re sandals and it’s 50 degrees out there. What’s that you say? Why do I need red sandals? Well, what else am I going to wear on the Fourth of July with my cutie-cute little flag motif skort? No, silly, I can NOT wear the blue shoes for that outfit – it’s a totally different blue, can’t you see that? THIS blue goes with that sweater I got in Wisconsin. And of course I can’t wear those blue shoes with that sweater unless I am wearing a skirt. If I wear slacks, I have to wear THESE shoes so my pants don’t look too short. And these shoes? These I got on sale at 50% off and you can never go wrong with a pair of nice tennies. These I bought to go with that hideous bridesmaid dress, and even though I will never wear them again, I paid $30 for them, so they stay right where they are and…
Ok, here’s a question. Why do women (who come in many shapes and sizes) have dress sizes that are a single number, while guys get at least 2 and sometimes more numbers to identify their clothing? My jeans have waist, inseam and cut numbers… yet a full body piece of clothing for a woman comes in a “6.” So, Ms. Not-A-Guy, what’s up with that?
OK, we’re driving across town and I’m at the controls because it’s my car. (You drive when in your car ). Now this straight forward event gets dodgy because I need you to read direction from the street directory. Can you tell me in short words 'cause I’m just a dumb Y chromosome, why can’t you just read the map the way it’s written rather than continually rotating the damm book so it’s pointing along the road we’re going and then back to read the street names?
Seven or eight pairs? I’ve got four, five if you count the flip-flops. This is the most I’ve ever owned at once in my life, too.
Because women’s clothing is designed by men, who do things like this to make women’s lives as hellish as possible.
Thanks, LoW, that was a great response! FWIW, Mrs. ShibbOleth, her sister and my daughter all use “gookie”.
I win! I have three pairs. One pair of gym shoes, one pair of black dress shoes and one pair of black slip-on shoes, the kind with a cloth top and a rubbery plastic sole.