Could you knock out an enraged chimp?

[outlierrn]

@billfish678

Sorry, I can’t hold this in any longer.

I keep reading this as “Could you knock up an engaged shrimp?” which is obviously a whole nother kettle of fish.

Carry on.

Ok, now that the line has been crossed; my first line of defense against an enraged chimp is going to involve a comely frog.

[BlackKnight]

Possibly of interest is this horrific story of a chimp attack: Worst Chimpanzee Attack Story Ever - Moe the Chimp Owner Attacked

This story is what convinced me that I would never, ever, under any circumstances want to fight a chimp.

[Magiver]

@Evil_Economist

You get power into a blow by twisting into the strike and dropping your weight into it. You can’t do those things if you hit with both hands at once, which is why no-one ever does it (the one exception being Sakuraba when he’s clowning around)

While trying to sink your weight into a blow helps the blow it is still a waste of kinetic energy if the head can move. By striking from both sides you transmit 100% of the energy of both fists. It doesn’t matter how thick the skull is, the shock wave will transmit to the brain. All of it. It’s the difference between hitting a nail in the air, and hitting a nail into a piece of wood.

If you want to see what a shock wave can do then drop a plastic beverage bottle out a 2 story window (the kind with a curved base). The shock wave will blow the center of the cap out as if it was cut by a die cutter.

[Shodan]

@Magiver

While trying to sink your weight into a blow helps the blow it is still a waste of kinetic energy if the head can move.

Not if you are trying to score a knockout. Knockouts are caused by concussion. Concussions are the brain slapping up against the inside of the skull, If the head doesn’t move, the brain isn’t going to hit the inside of the skull - it will remain floating in the cerebro-spinal fluid.

By striking from both sides you transmit 100% of the energy of both fists. It doesn’t matter how thick the skull is, the shock wave will transmit to the brain. All of it.

If the skull doesn’t move, then you are attempting to compress the skull. In that case, the thickness of the skull will definitely matter.

And a double fisted strike is going to be inherently weaker than a single armed punch - so much weaker that even if 100% of the energy goes into the target, there will be so much less energy that a single armed punch will be more effective. When you strike simultaneously to both sides of the head, your arms are moving in opposite directions. Therefore, you cannot get body weight moving in either direction to add to the force of the strike - moving body weight in the direction of the left punch means body weight moving against the direction of the right punch.

Regards,
Shodan

[ralph124c]

I just had an idea! That guy in Canada with his anti-bear suit-he could sell the suit to chimp handlers.
There have been several people mutilated/killed by adult chimps-they are nasty little buggers.

[Superhal]

I have the same strategy for any animal with a large mouth that tries to bite: shove my fist down it’s throat. I was reading about shark attacks when I was young, and the common tactic when swimmers survived was that they shoved something into the shark’s mouth.

I probably would have a harder time with animals with mouths smaller than my fist, but in that case, I would probably try to rip it’s head in half by pulling the jaws apart. By opening it’s mouth, the animal loses it’s advantage of leverage. If you bite an apple, the wider you open your mouth, the harder it is to bite down. Smaller bites are stronger.

Imho, if you attack an animal’s mouth, they know you aren’t messing around, and one of you is going to get hurt very badly.

[thirdname]

@Superhal

I have the same strategy for any animal with a large mouth that tries to bite: shove my fist down it’s throat.

Yeah, good luck with that. Even if you could stop its bite, that puts you in grappling range where it will gouge your eyes out and rip your balls off. You’re forgetting that unlike most other biting animals, they also have opposable thumbs.

[billfish678]

Superman VS Enraged Chimp. Who would win and why?

[Frodo]

@billfish678

Superman VS Enraged Chimp. Who would win and why?

Batman, if he’s prepared.

As for me, as some other posters have already said, I would use the traditional fighting style and techniques of my people, aim for the center of mass and fire your gun until the enemy stops moving.

[Anaamika]

Read that fucking article that BlackKnight linked to.

None of you could take on a fully grown chimp. Just forget about it. That guy also shoved his arm down the chimp’s throat. Result? The chimp just kept biting and biting and biting, nearly gnawing it off.

Granted, he was attacked by two chimps, but just look at this snippet - the first chimp rips off the woman’s thumb in a few seconds:

Out of the corner of her eye, LaDonna suddenly noticed a large form about forty feet away. It was a chimpanzee, a young adult male, somehow out of his cage, and he was glaring at her. The chimp held her gaze for a moment, and then charged. St. James rushed to his wife. The animal barreled into LaDonna’s back, knocking her into St. James. She wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck, but the chimpanzee locked his jaws around the thumb of her left hand. With a single, ferocious jerk of his neck, he tore it off.

St. James threw his hysterical wife under the picnic table and pushed her further underneath as the chimp tried to pursue her. LaDonna was screaming commands — “No! Stop! Sit!” — in a desperate bid to stop him. The remaining cake was on the table, still in its box, but the chimp didn’t go for it. Instead he went after St. James.

As St. James confronted the chimp, the six-two former running back turned to find a second chimp — also a male, this one older and bigger — bearing down on him as well. With both hands, he pushed the bigger animal. Both chimps pounced. One of the animals grabbed him in a bear hug before chomping into the bone above his right eyebrow. He then stuck his finger in St. James’s right eye, gouging it out. The same animal clamped his teeth onto St. James’s nose, biting it off, as the other chimp chewed away at St. James’s fingers. In the melee, one of the chimps dug in his claws and ripped the skin off the right side of St. James’s face, causing it to flop over and cover his left eye, temporarily blinding him. One of the primates sunk his teeth into St. James’s skull. He then closed his jaws on St. James’s mouth, ripping off his lips and most of his teeth. St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal’s throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn’t get it out.

St. James fell to the ground, no longer able to defend himself, and for at least five minutes, the mauling continued as he lay helpless. One of the chimps gnawed on his buttocks and bit off his genitals. They ravaged his left foot, leaving it shredded. Blood poured from his body, and LaDonna was screaming. It looked as if they were eating him alive. Finally, LaDonna’s screams drew the owners’ son-in-law, Mark Carruthers, who came running armed with a .45-caliber revolver. After struggling to find a clean shot, he opened fire on the younger primate. The shot had no apparent effect, and Carruthers raced back to his house, a few dozen yards away, to reload with more-powerful ammunition. When Carruthers returned, he focused on the older male, the prime aggressor. Kneeling down, he shot him once in the head from close range. As the animal fell to the ground, the younger chimp began dragging St. James’s mutilated body down a hill leading away from Moe’s cage. Dirt filled St. James’s lungs and seeped into his bloody openings.

For the briefest of moments, LaDonna looked toward Moe. He was sitting in the corner of his cage, frozen, seemingly stunned.

The lone chimp continued tearing at St. James’s limp body with his teeth until Carruthers caught up to him and shot him once in the chest, ending the attack. St. James, lying facedown, felt the lifeless animal fall on his back.

I would want to die rather than live like he is now. Chimps are horrid, disgusting animals, and anyone who wants to keep one as a pet is stupid and delusional.

[Pedro]

Punching a chimp is asking to have your balls ripped off.

Everyone knows only a judo hold can stop an enraged chimp.

[hdc_bst]

Everyone talking about grappling with a chimp is crazy. That’s how they fight - by grabbing, rending, and tearing. A rear-naked choke won’t do you any good when the chimp has the range of motion to reach behind itself and the strength to tear your arm off without any mechanical advantage.

So, clearly a ballistic approach is best - either the popular pistol suggestion or striking. Chimps aren’t used to bludgeoning as a means of attack. Or are they? After further research I found this disturbing documentary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=El4M5tk-N1A.

We’re all screwed.

[billfish678]

Is running like hell a better option? Not saying it has a high success of working, but is there at least a chance the chimp will call off the attack if you run?

Hell, after reading this stuff I think I rather have a shark or alligator or bear attack me. Those guys at least seem to be able to be convinced on occasion you might not be worth the trouble. OTOH it appears when chimps gets pissed its on man and its thunderdome time!

[Huerta88]

@Superhal

I have the same strategy for any animal with a large mouth that tries to bite: shove my fist down it’s throat.

The Esquire article that Black Knight linked relates that that guy tried just that, and the chimp “just kept gnawing away.” Take a look at the photos of his hands.

[hdc_bst]

@billfish678

Is running like hell a better option? Not saying it has a high success of working, but is there at least a chance the chimp will call off the attack if you run?

That seems like a good strategy.

Scientific research (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k) indicates that a non-enraged chimp is slower than a human athlete even over rough terrain that would be expected to favor the chimp.

Additional research (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKpZUsRJWBg&feature=related) makes it appear that as long as you’re on the savanna you should be able to simply outrun a chimp. In enclosed areas, better to use a decoy.

[billfish678]

@Huerta88

The Esquire article that Black Knight linked relates that that guy tried just that, and the chimp “just kept gnawing away.” Take a look at the photos of his hands.

I think there is a possible difference here. It sounds more like the victim put his hand in the chimps mouth. It does NOT sound like he shoved his hand down the chimps throat. I would think, it you could stand the arm chomping long enough and manage to keep the fist and arm down deep, the chimp might actually pass out (maybe). No doubt it would be a nasty ride there though.

[Huerta88]

@billfish678

I think there is a possible difference here. It sounds more like the victim put his hand in the chimps mouth. It does NOT sound like he shoved his hand down the chimps throat. I would think, it you could stand the arm chomping long enough and manage to keep the fist and arm down deep, the chimp might actually pass out (maybe). No doubt it would be a nasty ride there though.

St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal’s throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn’t get it out.

This was a big guy and he tried exactly what you suggest. That he couldn’t seem to get his fist down the throat suggests that this approach is at best theoretically possible – “might work if he stopped chomping long enough to let you get your fist all the way down the throat [but he won’t].”

[Evil_Economist]

I found a you-tube video of Oprah interviewing a chimp-attack victim. They clearly show the woman’s face, and it’s very disturbing. I recommned not watching the link if you have a weak stomach. After seeing this link, I would never attempt to fight a chimp. I would get the hell out of there.

h t t p ://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3DeJjHAz8I&

Note that I’ve disabled the link.

[Tamerlane]

@rhubarbarin

Chimpanzees have massive muscles (hence the freakish strength) and almost no body fat.

Muscle attachment points has a lot to do with it - chimpanzee arms are much better levers than ours. Conversely they can’t throw for shit, relative to humans anyway ( they can throw their shit as a few unlucky zoo patrons have discovered, but its not going to reach Major League pitching speeds ). Nor can they come even close to running a marathon.

It’s not that humans are fragile little china dolls compared to chimps. It’s just that we’re built for different specializations. Unfortunately chimps are just vastly more suited to no-holds-barred wrestling ( and rending ). Making close combat with one a very dicey proposition.

[PlainJain]

I’m not sure the experience of St. James Davies is relevant. Despite his being 6’2" he was 62 and out of shape. Futher, his experience with chimps caused him to just push away the attacking chimp rather than agressively pound them.

Any attack by a chimp on human will result in serious injury to the human, it doesn’t mean that striking at the head would be useless. It has not been determined one way or the other whether a strong blow to the head would knock out out a chimp. A chimp’s strengh would not factor into this nor would the thickness of the skull IMO.

Despite a chimp’s power, cutting his jugular vein will kill him as fast as it will a human. Similarly if their lungs fill with water they will drown as soon as human would. My point is that despite their strength advantage over humans it doesn’t mean a violent brain trauma wouldn’t knock them out. I think the best strategy for a reasonbly strong male human (if a gun or weapon wasn’t at hand) would be to strike for the head. Im sure the human would lose due to the chimps quickness and superior use of legs but it seems the best option.

@Magiver

While trying to sink your weight into a blow helps the blow it is still a waste of kinetic energy if the head can move.

Watch a boxing or MMA match sometime and you will see the flaw in your theory. You can’t generate enough power without putting your body weight into it.