An event from 2006…
http://monkeydaynews.blogspot.com/2006/04/texas-man-tells-story-of-fatal-chimp.html
There’s also an AP news article floating around with fewer details. Sounds like an aggressive attack with a long weapon (baseball bat, branch, rifle) is your best bet.
Follow on question - how coordinated are chimps? It would really suck to have one snatch your Louisville Slugger out of your hands.
From a story about Frank Buck i Time from 1934:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,929724,00.html
I suspect your hand would be gnawed off, or your arm torn from the socket, long before you could do any real damage to its eyes. Any maneuver that involves more than a split-second of close contact with an enraged chimp is unlikely to end well for the human.
first blow is to the wind pipe with the sharp of the knuckles and the second to both temples with both fists at the same time. This is done because the energy of a singular blow is partially absorbed by the deflection of the head. Striking from both sides doubles the force of a single blow and with nowhere for the head to deflect it transmits all the energy. I’m sure there is probably some additional trauma to the brain from 2 intersecting shock waves but I’ll leave that to engineers to explain.
Does nuking it from orbit count as knocking it out?
Probably, since the first thing the chimp will do will be to bite your genitals off.
You can really see how strong chimps are if you look at one that doesn’t have any hair. Here’s a Google image search on it: http://www.google.com/images?client=firefox&rls=en&q=hairless%20chimpanzee
Some good examples:
http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/2821/baldchimp5bk6.jpg
(This is one of the skinnier ones, but it’s interesting because it looks so much like a human.)
I wonder how a chimp would compare in strength to a world-class bodybuilder. Of course, in a fight the chimp as the advantage if its teeth.
They can never hit a changeup. They always swing too early.
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Wild-Animals-705/chimpanzees.htm says that most chimpanzees don’t like to go into deep water and so don’t swim, but chimpanzees that do swim are alleged to be able to outswim Olympic-level swimmers.
God, what an awful situation to get stuck in. I’d probably run around the lab, crying and defecating myself, in the hopes the ape would be too busy laughing to find me a threat. I’d also be hoping the ape didn’t know how to run down angles on someone running away.
One tactic not yet mentioned, however, is trying to apply a BJJ or other style of choke to the ape. I’m sure it’d be infeasible, and probably result in your arm getting bitten in two. But if you could apply a choke to the ape—either a rear choke or using an improvised noose/garotte—the ape is probably not skilled in any counters. Hopefully the choke would result in a quick blood strangle. Good luck.
Humm - I think if you had a weapon of some sort you might have a hope. Without one? I doubt it.
A human’s skull is different than a chimp’s skull in a number of ways - I think part of what causes a knock out with a chin punch in a human is the placement of the lower jaw and what happens when it’s struck. A chimp’s jaw is much different and I don’t think a punch to the jaw would work in the same way.
Ditto for a temple shot (the bones on a chimp’s skull are much thicker than on a human) or a nasal blow (chimps don’t have the same anatomy in the nose as a person).
I just don’t think a chimp is as fragile as a human - I think it would be impossible for a human to knock one out with his/her bare hands.
Obviously, this is a WAG. I think I would just try to cover my face and bits, curl up in a teeny ball and hide and hope for the best.
You get power into a blow by twisting into the strike and dropping your weight into it. You can’t do those things if you hit with both hands at once, which is why no-one ever does it (the one exception being Sakuraba when he’s clowning around)
You got to remember: If the chimp is enraged, he isn’t going to stand stock still while you break your hands on his head. He is probably more agile than you and a hell of lot stronger. I’d say it would be impossible to knock one out with a punch simply because you probably wouldn’t live long enough to land that punch.
Seeing as I’m only a 1/1, my Circle of Protection: Green will only result in a stalemate unfortunately.
I bet we could get Chuck Liddell drunk enough to try.
Agreed, but if my choice is doing nothing and getting killed or fighting back, the eyes are going to be the best target if contact is made. You might be surprised. Animals prize their eyes just as much as we do, and a gouge to one is likely to cause an immediate cessation of the attack. it might only be for a few seconds, but that’s all you need to recover sometimes. Barring that, the nose or ears. You can’t out muscle one so I have to out smart him. Chimps like to bite so that might be helpful to me if I can manage to arrange our fall so that his head is somewhere meaty and non vital. The best way to fight a chimp without a weapon would be to continuously sidestep the charges and deliver kicks or punches to whatever presents itself. Males have large testicles and surely they are sensitive. That’s a nice target for a passing kick. Humans aren’t pissants physically and can do a lot of damage if we throw our weight around, but we are outclassed by chimps. Someone adept at judo or jui jutsu might well be able to turn a charge into a joint breaking throw, but they would have even less time than with a human to do so. I can think of a few moves that might allow you to kick out a forearm and break it; but again if you miss it’s all over.
Sorry, I can’t hold this in any longer.
I keep reading this as “Could you knock up an engaged shrimp?” which is obviously a whole nother kettle of fish.
Carry on.
That claim makes no sense to me whatsoever. The human’s powerful legs are contribute most of the propulsion in swimming. I can’t see a chimp doing much more than an awkward dog paddle at best .
Chimpanzees have massive muscles (hence the freakish strength) and almost no body fat. The main issue is that they don’t have buoyancy unlike us fatty weaklings.
Me too. I would not fool around, I would just shoot it.
