I’ve got a friend who clarified this to where it makes a lot of sense to me:
The most you can get is what you pay for.
Explains a lot about most government programs, it does.
Spoken by someone who seems like he would know…
If at first you don’t succeed, claim discrimination and sue somebody.
It’s the American Bar way
So, if I want not to see an explosion, a duck is the thing to watch?
Does a duck explosion have an echo?
**"That which does not destroy me makes me stronger. **
"Alternatively, that which does not destroy me makes me stranger:
“That twitch, the limp, those gray hairs? They’re from things that almost destroyed me years ago”
“He who hesitates is lost, as far as the mothership behind the comet is concerned.”
“Either a borrower or a lender be.” (Money not in circulation is a waste of printed paper.)
“See a pin and pick it up, you’ll save some poor sod from treading on it.”
“It is whether you win or lose.” (The alternative phrasing is how losers rationalise, and winners patronise.)
“Always look a gift horse in the mouth.” (Equine dentistry is expensive, and being saddled with a horse of pensionable age is more so.)
“There’s nowt so queer as hairdressers.” d&r
Yeah, you know, like “stank ho”.
A mere reordering, but:
Eat your cake and have it too.
Regarding “stank breath” - you guys don’t have vernacular where you live? It’s terrible English for “stinky.”
Live each day like it was your last. But still keep up on responsibilities like going to work and paying bills (which you would probably skip out of if this was actually your last day), just in case you happen to wake tomorrow still breathing.
A bird in the hand is safer than getting drunk and picking a fight with Mike Tyson.
It is better to have loved and lost than marry the drunken hosebeast and live with alimony and herpes for the rest of whenever.
If something can go wrong, it will, unless it’s a government project, in which case, even if it can’t go wrong, it will go wrong, and don’t worry about the worst possible time. The government is bad beyond belief all the time.
Don’t lose heart. They might want to rip it out of your chest later, and it would be rude to make them look too long.
Genius is 5% inspiration and 95% industrial espionage.
Sweets to the sweet . . . except for you, pudgy! I don’t care how many old ladies you helped across the street today, no candy for you! Now get your fat ass onto that treadmill and give me ten minutes for each old lady. And try not to sweat all over my metaphors!
Early to bed and early to rise
may produce in impressionable observers the appearance of provident values and a strong work ethic, which may in some cases lead to actual monetary reward and an appearance of wisdom.
Fight fire with water.
Every dog has his day except the ones that are ties up behind the neighbor’s house and bark all the time but never get any attention.
Most roads will not lead to anywhere remotely near Rome. Purchase a map.
Two heads are not better than one, and in such cases delicate operations are recommended.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will eat until he has caught the limit.
You only live once. Though there are a certain number of people in the world who believe in reincarnation and who might very well express the opinion that this is a matter that is open to debate.
Strike while the iron is hot. Though it’s fair to say that if you are not already familiar with this principle of metallurgy, you really have no business being anywhere near a lit forge.
There may be more that one way to skin a cat, but attempting any of them is likely to land you in hot water with the SPCA, the Humane Society, and – Og help you – PETA.
“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Or anybody.”
“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless you are inordinately fond of IV drips.” 
That which does not kill me makes me older.
Early Bird
Oh if you’re a bird, be an early bird
And catch the worm for your breakfast plate.
If you’re a bird, be an early bird
But if you’re a worm, sleep late.
-Shel Silverstein
All roads lead to other roads which eventually lead to Rome. Except if you’re not on the Eurasian-African landmass.
History is written by the literate.
[ul]
[li]Early to bed and early to rise makes no difference to an insomniac.[/li][li]All work and no play makes Jack a candidate for burnout and on-the=job stress.[/li][li]A rolling stone may gather moss when he’s not out on tour.[/li][li]A bird in the hand will likely shit all over you.[/li][li]A stitch in time could only be explained by Einstein (or Hawking).[/li][li]An apple a day will keep a lot of Washington state farmers happy.[/li][li]April showers sometimes lead to May showers if it’s still raining at 11:59 PM on April 30.[/li][li]Bad news travels really fast now that we have the Internet.[/li][li]Blood is thicker than water, but only by about 6% (no cite handy, I just remember reading it in a book one time).[/li][li]Good fences are sometimes the result of having bad neighbors.[/li][li]Not-so-great minds also think alike.[/li][li]In some documented cases, lightning does, in fact, strike in the same place twice (no cites, though).[/li][li]No news is not always good news.[/li][li]Old soldiers eventually die just like the rest of us.[/li][li]Impatience is also a virtue.[/li][li]Something is not always better than nothing (e.g. debts).[/li][li]Still waters are sometimes very shallow.[/li][li]The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence (there’s nothing but dry grass and weeds beyond my fence).[/li][li]Sometimes there is danger in numbers (take a swarm of bees, for example).[/li][li]Sometimes you get smoke but can’t get the fire quite started.[/li][li]Those who live in glass houses are exhibitionists.[/li][li]When you multiply two negative numbers together the result is positive, which means two wrongs do make a right.[/li][li]What you don’t know often can hurt you, such as lacking survival skills.[/li][/ul]
These two are from a very old Mad Magazine
A rolling stone gathers momentum
People who live in glass-houses should undress in the dark