I’ve got a lot of extended family that I haven’t heard from in awhile. Holiday cards ain’t cheap. Postage ain’t cheap either. I usually get pre-printed cards and hand-address each envelope and put a li’l personal sentence or two in each card specifically to each recipient–this takes time.
Of the approx 75 relatives/families on my list (from Mom & Pop all the way to ‘second cousins twice removed’), I usually only send out about 40 cards per year to the reliable family that send a card or responds . . . This is often the only correspondence I get from distant relatives, but I note those 'fringe family" is starting to slack off.
Now, I’m not talking about elderly folks that would respond but might be unable. I’m talking about those families that–to your knowledge–otherwise could drop a line but just . . . don’t.
At what point do you quit sending holiday cards to non-responsive folks? Could be a sooper-distant Uncle Bob in Topeka, to an estranged sibling. . . .
With card sending on it’s way out, it’s probably best to only send cards to those people who are sending you cards. Those are the people who are still interested in it. We haven’t sent cards in the past couple of years, and to be honest, I kind of wish people would stop sending them to us as well. Back when holiday cards were common, I wasn’t really into it. I was doing it more out of social obligation. While it is nice to get cards, I fell guilty for not reciprocating. In the current environment, if you’re not getting a card from someone, they might not really be into holiday cards and it’s probably fine to drop them from the list. Back in the day people stayed on the list a long time to avoid social fallout. Even if someone didn’t send you a card, they might feel slighted if they didn’t get one. But that’s not really the case anymore. If someone isn’t sending out cards, that might be because they are done with holiday cards all together.
I picked “other” becasue it’s when I realize they don’t respond - which might be when I get one returned with “fowarding order expired” . I don’t keep a list of who I got cards from.
I haven’t sent a holiday card to anyone since the 1990s. Not even my parents or in-laws when they were alive. I haven’t received more than 1 in ~20 years. Which is cause and which is effect I cannot say.
I think a lot of other people also stopped long ago. I’ll be interested to see how (un) popular my choice is.
ETA: Before the mid 1990s late wife and I routinely sent about 75 cards. So we weren’t always disinterested. But as others noted, the whole tradition was collapsing then & we just jumped off the pointless reciprocal obligation bandwagon.
I blame the advent of first email, then txt & e.g. Facebook. Plus no-cost long distance phoning. When keeping in touch remotely is cheap and routine, the annual card (with or without brag sheet) loses a lot of its motivating factors.
For a long time I sent cards to everyone every year, but a few years ago I pared down my list considerably. As you say, cards and postage ain’t cheap; plus I, too, make personal notes in each card (though I stopped hand-addressing the envelopes a while back). There are a few folks I send a card to every year regardless – my father, brother, etc. – but otherwise if I don’t get one after a couple of years that person is off the list. I do count “late” cards, though: the ones that were clearly only sent because they got one from me. I still consider that to be responsive, so they stay on the list for the next year. I’m looking at sending 21 cards this year.
I send a lot of holiday cards to people who don’t respond. As an overseas expat, the calculus is different for me. I’m not looking for reciprocity. I’m not expecting anything in return. I’m just sending a small, quiet message back to people to signal that they were valuable to me when I was in the States, and I’m here and thriving, and any time they want to reach out or even visit, the door is open. That is the purpose, and I’m happy to keep doing it.
And in a handful of cases, after a few years of getting no response, I was surprised and gratified to start getting cards back. As if they’d processed and understood the message, and were now replying in kind.
I send cards because I like sending cards. I would like to receive them, too, and I don’t, but I can’t be bothered to be petty about it. Just please don’t send me e-cards.
Some of these statements, at least the way I’m reading them, suggest you feel the recipients of your cards owe you a card in return. They don’t.
If you only want to send cards out to people that send cards back, just do that, otherwise send them to everyone and don’t worry about who replies and who doesn’t.
I need to answer theoretically, because the truth is that we send holiday cards sporadically - we may send them for a few years in a row, then not send them for 2-3 years, then send them again. Which may explain why we don’t get cards from as many people now as we used to get.
My train of thought is basically if I would go to their funeral, I’ll send them a holiday card. Kind of a morbid litmus, but there you go.
I’ve been in charge of holiday cards pretty much forever, and over time I started marking who I got cards from. Two misses from you even when I’m sending you cards, and I consider that message received and away you go.
I also dropped most of my coworkers from the list when I retired, and after a year or two most of them reciprocated. It’s all about implied messaging.
When I was a child in the 70s there was one Great Aunt that sent everyone birthday cards, but I can’t recall if she sent cards to us on Christmas. I know nobody else did and it was a large extended family. My family never sent them, Sending and receiving Get Well cards when someone was sick was a thing in my family, but if Christmas cards ever were it had died out by the 1970s. As an adult I’ve never once sent or received one. I don’t think it is a particularly big thing around here.
I quit sending cards years ago. All my aunts and uncles are dead. FCD only has one aunt still alive, and she’s the only one who sends us a card. I can’t recall the last time I sent any to cousins.
Fifty years ago, I was an enthusiastic correspondent. These days, I might send an email or post a greeting on FB. How times have changed…
I am the non-responsive family/friend. I stopped sending cards decades ago. To discourage Christmas cards, on any that I received I crossed out the names and swapped them around and sent them back.
I’ve never sent a holiday card in my life. I don’t mind getting them I guess. There’s a trope where people bag on the annual newsletters but I LOVE them. I like reading about what’s happened and seeing the pictures. I still get a couple each year.
I still consider that to be responsive, so they stay on the list for the next year. I’m looking at sending 21 cards this year.