But if you are the guy who is the new love interest in the scenario above, and you’re double-dating with another “settled-down couple,” you win.
Er… you might want to try reading your own post:
So let’s be perfectly frank; YOU were playing games at the beginning of the relationship, and he reacted by pursuing you, as you’d presumably hoped. Now that YOU aren’t playing the same game of I’m-so-hard-to-get, he’s not reacting the way he did when you were. I’m not sure why this is surprising.
You later claim you weren’t playing hard to get, but that was your very first paragraph. You might want to ask yourself if maybe you weren’t playing a bit of a role, too.
I honestly don’t see how entering into a relationship cautiously is playing games. For one thing, I’m an introvert and naturally cautious and reserved. I was honest with him about my feelings for him from the beginning, it was just that my feelings took a bit longer than his to develop. Also, having children should automatically preclude someone from rushing into an intense relationship without a great deal of information about and observation of the other person.
As I said, I’m a very emotional woman, and when I fall in love, I fall hard and deep. Having had a couple of unhealthy relationships in the past, I’ve learned that it’s best for me to go slowly at first and get to know someone well before I open the door to my heart. I don’t see that I played games, or was coy.
When you catch the bus, you stop running.
Boys are dumb. Throw rocks at them.
Do the terms “Mating Ritual” or “Preening” ring a bell here?
Maybe he was giving you an indication of his “relationship personality” within an “alotted” time span?
I know that sounds kinda “clinical”, and I don’t mean to sound facetious, but maybe he figured he needed to let you “see” what he’s like, and felt a little pressure?
That’s my take on it, anyway.
Don’t hold it against the poor guy that he doesn’t continue in this manner. He probably did the best he could to get you to like him, and now that you do, he wants the relationship to me more natural and spontaneous.
As I said, that’s just the way I see it.
Q
Well…well…well…girls have cooties! Besides, all they want to do is play house an’ read sappy poetry an’ stuff. Borrriiing!
Stranger
My husband jokes that he “loves me until further notice” and that oughta cover it. 
I think the only error this guy (and others like him) are making is to put too much effort in early on. If you can’t sustain it, don’t start it. Sure, relationships naturally evolve into something more comfortable and less intense, but if you have taught your woman that you will bring her flowers every single day, it’s understandable that she’s going to come to expect that.
Pretty much what others have said - he was probably faking it early in the relationship to get your attention and now he’s dropped the act. It’s not that his interest wasn’t (and isn’t) genuine but most men (and I include myself) are not that demonstrative. We only do things like write sonnets and send you valentine’s day cards because we know you like it not because it’s our natural inclination.
If this is the case, there is some good news. He wouldn’t be quitting his early dating mode unless he felt you two had established a high enough level of trust to make it unnecessary - so bizzarely enough, this lack of outer emotion could indicate he’s actually inwardly feeling closer to you. And the other benefit is that any signs of emotion or affection you get from this point on will be because he sincerely feels like expressing them - you can just take them as they come and not worry about hidden motives.
Hey, we’re men. You knew we were shallow when you started dating us so don’t go looking for depths now.
Why is this thread focusing only on men? [with the exception of pbbth]
It happens on both sides.
Are the women who complain that their guy isn’t acting the same towards them as when they met, under the impression that they are acting the same towards their guy as when they met?
To paraphrase featherlou, “if you have taught your man that he will get sex every single day, it’s understandable that he’s going to come to expect that. If you can’t sustain it, don’t start it.”
I don’t buy this meme that men are shallow, and women are not.
In fact, I would say that wanting someone to write sonnets about you, send you Valentine’s cards, and have candle-lit dinners with rose petals strewn across the table, shows a certain naivete and, to a degree, shallowness.
A mature person doesn’t need a Hallmark card on one day of the year to feel loved by their significant other. Your SO should make you feel loved every day of the year.
Sorry for going off-topic from the OP, but this ‘men are shallow/women are sophisticated’ crap is a pet peeve of mine.
I would be more than a little creeped out if someone I just started dating was professing undying devotion to me. Call me overly suspicious, I guess. (Not that you should be, Alice the Goon. I’m just kind of prickly about that particular thing myself.)
Also, how is the OP’s being cautious “playing games,” while her suitor’s “wooing” isn’t? Either both of them were playing games, or neither of them were.
To me, it doesn’t make sense to behave one way to catch someone and then abruptly change once you have them, but I’m perpetually single, so maybe I’m the one who’s wrong.
I suddenly feel the need to go to the bathroom and verify that I’m still female. Or biologically female, apparently I got the wrong last pair of chromosomes or something. I’ve never been able to do that, never given a shit about doing that and I hate it when my mother and my SiL do that!
I swear, even playing Minesweeper feels more productive than that freaking overanalysis of everybody’s tiniest expression…
As far as I can tell, no-one has said that only Alice was playing games. Both were.
You know, there’s courtship which can be fun, but is ultimately kind of artificial and then there is intimacy which means you both can kind of just relax and enjoy being with each other as you are. Hopefully one leads to the other.
On the subject of analyzing every comment, phrasing, etc., with your friends just stop. It will just lead to more miscommunication. Talk to him if you feel it is warranted, take his answers at face value unless you have good reason not to and just be in the moment.
Threads like these make me happy I don’t date anymore.
You got used to being the center of attention, 24/7, and being wooed non-stop.
Not that I can blame you for enjoying it - human nature and all - but at some point, you have to cut the guy some slack.
Did you/do you expect this guy to write gushy emails every day for the rest of his life, bring you flowers every time he comes to visit, say “I love you” on the hour, every hour? That might work in romance novels, but in real life, after a certain point people show their love and affection in more subtle ways.
I am really not trying to be mean or snarky, but you sound a little needy and I don’t envy any guy trying to live up to what I perceive to be your idealized fantasy of eternal courtship.
Of course, the guy could simply be a bit stressed/busy/tired at work or home too. That could explain the abrupt stop in sappiness, without losing interest.
What people are saying is right though, the honeymoon stage will develop into a more comfortable stage and that’s a good thing. Doesn’t mean he won’t still surprise you with flowers, or weekends away and all from time to time. Kind of dilute the importance of it if he did it every night though, right? Plus it is stressful for a guy to keep having to think up ways to out-do himself and impress you. Much better that you can be comfortable and enjoy each other’s company, with the sappy displays staggered over a hopefully great long-term relationship.
Just think, when you’re firmly in the comfort stage you’ll be able to whine about your womanish problems at him without fear of him running. You know, like what useless clutter that has absolutely no potential other than being melted down into parts for my car to next buy from Ikea. 
Everyone puts on their finest clothes while courting, not just physically, but emotionally, as well. It sounds like he has moved to next, more comfortable level, while you want to stay in that storybook phase where you are the princess and he is the knight in shining armor. No one actually lives there. If you can’t move on to the same, more realistic phase, you could lose what you have.
Drama is great on stage, not so much in real life.
Just some thoughts, starting with these two fine posts:
My parents were happily married for 61 years. My Dad was faithful, worked hard to support us, never gambled or drank and spent quality time with all of us. However I never heard him tell my wonderful Mum he loved her. She accepted his behaviour said it.
I’m a man. The first time I told my parents how much I loved them as an adult I was over 40.
My sister and I both have best friends of over 30 years.
She phones hers almost every day and they chat for ages. They know pretty much everything about each other.
I phone mine only when I have something to tell or arrange. I don’t know which political party he supports or which newspaper he reads. I only found out he was gay 10 years ago. But we can pick up the conversation instantly.
There’s blokes for you. 
Funny thing, I´ve had the opposite thing happen; I mean, I´m that kind of guy that continuously shows affection, express feelings and all that. The cuddly, smooching, sweet talking guy I am.
My last two girlfriends didn´t exactly liked it. The first I think thought that I was way too in love and couldn´t cope it, she felt she wasn´t ready for such involvement, the second turned out to be a cold hearted, lying bitch… but I digress.
My current GF seems to enjoy it though.