Was listening to the very funny Dave Attell on the radio yesterday. He mentioned his great dislike of egg nog: “I want to get drunk, but I am also hungry for pancakes”, and revealed its shocking source (um… elf discharge).
I’m not a huge fan. But I wouldn’t go so far as to call it the worst beverage. I mean, Mountain Dew is a thing. But what is the worst beverage?
Kvass. Absolutely no question. The vilest thing I ever drank, that was intended for humans to drink.
While I suspect @suranyi is correct, I’ve never personally had Kvass, but it ticks off a bunch of my likely blech sensors.
In terms of stuff I’ve actually drunk, I loathe plain Yakult. To me it tastes, not surprisingly, of no-fat milk (already non-ideal) that’s juuuuuust gone off.
Another drink that absolutely doesn’t work for me although others apparently love it is Yoo-Hoo. It tastes to me of everything being cheap and shoddy, with a chocolate that falls short of even the travesty that is the Nesquik Rabbit. I mean it’s just bad chocolate flavor even by the loose American standards of chocolate.
Orbitz. It was like drinking Karo Syrup with little bits of multicolored Play-Doh suspended in it.
In either Kenya or Tanzania I was offered banana beer, which as you might expect is a rather thick, foamy beverage made from fermented bananas. To put it diplomatically, it’s an acquired taste. ETA: As I recall it had kind of a sour note to it, which makes sense since it seems to be brewed in a manner not unlike certain sour styles of beer.
In the soda category, I’ll go with Irn-Bru. It’s a Scottish orange-colored soda that tastes somewhere in the venn diagram of feet, bubble gum, and bandaids.
In the category of “alcohol I’ve consumed” I’ll go with Malort.
Ginger Ale. I used to occ. partake as a kid, but I tried 7-Up awhile back, another childhood fave, and found it totally disgusting.
Oh, in the soda category, the Jones Soda Company puts out some special edition sodas for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some of them include weird novelty flavors like Christmas tree, which pretty much tasted like what I imagine a pine tree would taste like. And turkey and gravy, which indeed tasted pretty much like carbonated turkey and gravy. Not sure if those count, though, since they’re limited edition novelty flavors, not something they regularly sell.
Coffee. Vile stuff.
“Spruce beer”, a traditional drink in Québec, is (one imagines) very much like drinking floor cleaner. A bitter beverage, it tastes like that smells.
Not being from Malta, I didn’t really enjoy Kinnie, “a bittersweet carbonated soft drink brewed from bitter oranges and extracts of wormwood.” It was warm; I have no idea if it would’ve been better on ice. (At least I got to see where Daenerys and Khal Drogo got married before it collapsed.)
I don’t drink alcohol, so I’ll refrain from the hard drinks.
I’m going to have to say Coconut water. I heard it was good for you and tried some. It reminded me of saliva, not in a good way.
I’ve encountered nothing yet that eclipses Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray soda in sheer awfulness.
Cave Creek Chili Beer makes the cut for runner-up. So does most kumbacha.
I’ve seen a number of folks hurl after trying Frank’s Kraut Juice for the first time. I can stomach it, but not gladly.
Bud light. Michelob ultra is a close 2nd.
I can’t recall what it was called, aside from being some kind of Russian-adjacent thing. It was some kind of bottled water, presumably marketed as some kind of health drink, that tasted exactly like pool water. Chlorinated. Probably claimed to be bottled from some natural spring somewhere, when really they just wanted to get rid of the results of their pool-draining service.
I had the pleasure of trying a beverage called Beverly when I visited Epcot Center back in 2000. According to the linked Wiki, one of the flavoring ingredients was grapefruit rind which likely led to it’s disgusting bitter taste. It was discontinued in 2009 and good riddance.
Moxie.
Guys, it’s Malort. We all know it’s Malort, and we came in here to say something other than Malort because if we admit it’s Malort then there’s no conversation to be had on the subject. But anybody who’s tried it, or knows somebody who has tried it, knows that the worst drink on Earth is Malort.
And I say this as a person who once drank rice wine with a dead snake in the bottle.