Who decided that Lemon Always Goes With Tea???
I hear tell that this is NOT a universal, that perhaps cultures such as China manage to choke down their tea without lemon. Why do those of us in the USA have to be subjected to this?
Do not misunderstand me. I love tea (real tea, not boiled weeds herbal shit) and I love lemons - I’ve even been known to peel and eat a lemon like most folks do an orange. I just don’t like the combination of lemon and tea. Just me.
This is not usually a big deal. Certainly at home there is no problem keeping the lemon and tea separate. Even most of the bottled ice tea brands offer a lemon-free option. Clearly, usually-clueless corporate America is aware there are some us out here who prefer lemon-free tea.
WHY is it so hard for the waitresses at one local restaurant to understand the “no lemon” part of my order???
I’ve been eating at this place for over 5 years. They remember my other preferences - steak rare, burgers well done, likes the trout and fish n’ chips but not the catfish, garlic dressing on the salad and NO TOMATOES on anything… it’s one of the reasons we go there - they really do make an effort to please the customers and remember what their regulars want.
SO WHY CAN’T THEY REMEMBER I DON’T LIKE LEMON IN MY TEA??? LIKE FOR THE 2 MINUTES BETWEEN THE TIME I SAY NO LEMON AND THEY ACTUALLY BRING ME THE TEA???
Last night, instead of putting the lemon on the side with the honey package like they usually do, the waitress jammed a lemon slice into the bottom of my cup, where it wasn’t easily seen. So I pour the tea into the cup and this THING floats to the top, setting off my alarm bells until I identify it as a chunk of lemon. Of course, now the tea reeks of lemon. This stuff would be like drinking Pledge[sub]tm[/sub] furniture polish. I ask for more hot water, etc.
“What’s wrong with the tea, honey?”
“There’s lemon in it.”
At which point you can see all the gears in this woman’s head come to a screeeeeeeeeeeeeching halt. It’s like I just told her the law of gravity has been suspended for the week or something. “But everyone wants lemon in their tea.”
“I don’t. I hate lemon in my tea.”
“Well, I never heard of that!”
“That’s what I asked for about three minutes ago.” At which point the husband backs me up (he’s such a sweetie sometimes).
“But why would you want tea without lemon?”
“I’m a perverse and deviant person. Now can I have more hot water, please?”
And while I’m on the subject of tea, what IS it about people trying to force boiled weed juice on me??? “Here’s it’s much healthier for you. It’s all natural.” WTF? TEA is all natural - I mean, the Chinese several thousand years ago weren’t genetically engineering the little plants, you know.
The arguments come down to several categories, in no particular order:
Uncaffeinated is better No it’s not. I LIKE caffeine. It’s just about my only vice. It’s not screwing up my blood pressure, keeping me up at night, or otherwise wrecking havoc on my system (maybe because I’ve learned about this thing called “moderation”) so get lost already. And don’t give me the line that caffeine causes breast lumps - I haven’t got any “breast lumps”. I think my 72 year old mother has had one in her entire life and she used to drink three pots of coffee a day. Obviously, there is not a direct cause and effect with that, and until I’m affected I see no cause to give up one of life’s little pleasures.
Don’t worry about what’s in it - it’s good for you Alright, folks, I have some allergies that can potentially generate a very severe reaction. Nothing goes in the cake-hole without being identified. No, I am not going to “just trust” you. My own mother, who has nothing but my best interests at heart and who had to struggle with my dietary limitations growing up, has occassionally nearly poisoned me. I’m going to trust you?. Be as offended as you like, I’m not risking my health for your amusement. Even when it doesn’t prompt an allergic reaction it may still cause problems. You know that echinecea stuff? The purple coneflower that’s supposed to boost your immune system? See, my problem is that my immune system is already in overdrive… add echinecea to my inner homeostasis and suddenly my allergies get worse. A LOT worse. So keep your damn boiled weeds away from me, OK?
You should try new things Yeah, sure - but on MY timetable, not yours. See above dissertation on allergies. By that argument I should try skydiving, but I’ll be damned if I jump out of an airplane without doing a little research beforehand and thinking over the possible consequences. Sometimes I don’t want to try new things, I’m not so jaded I need to constantly seek new and novel forms of stimulation.
It has a milder taste. The taste sucks. You might as well drag a brown crayon through hot water. Don’t tell me it’s “milder” or “smoother” or whatever the hell euphenism you’re using this week - it tastes like barely-flavored hot water. No, I don’t like it. I like strongly flavored beverages, thank you very much. Don’t tell me “it’s tastes good without sugar!” I’ll decide what tastes good with or without sugar (or honey or whatever weird bizarro flavoring you’re using) thank you very much. And don’t add any goddamned lemon to it!!!
Unfortunately, the herbal teas I do like are in danger of being outlawed. Really. I love sassafrass tea - probably because it’s strongly flavored, and it’s NOT boiled weeds (it’s boiled tree root, actually). But because when fed massive doses laboratory rats developed liver disease we humans are not supposed to indulge. Never mind that there has never been a documented case of liver disease in a human from drinking sassafrass tea, which has been going on for millenia. The other herbal tea I enjoy is ephedra - yes, the Evil One that can cause heart attack or death when consumed in massive quantities. Of course, I’m not consuming it in massive quantities. Frankly, I’m not really fond of the taste but it can calm down my allergies and it does give a buzz. In small doses. For a mild buzz. The real problem is that too damn many people have to go overboard with everything.
