If there was a woman you were attracted to who was unavailable, but she wanted to be friends, close friends, would you do it? And why?
Does she have hot, permiscuous friends?
Why not? Friendship is friendship - I’ve never bought into the “guys can only really be friends with other guys” thing. So long as the girl isn’t your only love interest, of course. You wouldn’t want to stay friends with someone for the sole purpose of hoping that, should their current relationship fail, you’re going to be the one they turn to and finally all your “dreams” will come true. That just can’t be healthy, and I’ve seen it happen all too often among young guys. If this is the case, I’d say no to friendship until you’ve moved on and aren’t just “waiting” around till Mr. X is out of the picture.
Additionally, if you are implying that, as a guy, the only purpose of being friends with girls is hoping you will get a chance to sleep with them, then I have to disagree. Though this is often the case, it doesn’t have to be. Girls can sometimes make great friends. So, I guess my point is, if I wasn’t hopelessly in love with her and just waiting around until she realized how great I was, sure, I’d be friends with her.
Hmm, I have some female friends that are pretty hot and all we are is just “friends”. But the deal there is I never tried to get with these girls becuase when I met them I had other shit going on.
Now if it was some chick I wanted to get with and she said she just wanted to be friends or close friends as the op states; then that would be an absolute NO. Why? Becuase some women (alot of women) wheather it be intensionaly or unintensionaly have a tendacy to munipulate guys in this type of situation. Besides I already have plenty of friends.
Having a female friend is just like having a girlfriend only except after listening to her bitch and whine about all her problems or boyfriend ills; shes still not gonna give you any puss for doing so. Jeez! Who the hell needs that? I can hang out with my guy friends all day and all night and not once will they ever say to me " You know shakes, I really need to talk about my feelings right now." :rolleyes:
Yes, it’s absolutely worth it. I just like being around women more than guys, I tend to connect with them on a level that feels more substantial. I can hang out with guys and have fun, but that’s how it is generally. My longest-lasting friendships have been with women as well.
That said, I don’t hang out with the kind of gals SHAKES seems so annoyed with. 
Okay, on occasion I have, but those aren’t the ones I mean.
My best friend is a woman to whom I was attracted when we met. She was available (though interested in someone else), but she said she’d rather be friends. That was almost seven years ago, and until I met my present girlfriend, I’d have gone out with her if she’d wanted. Not that I expected it to happen. So obviously I think it’s worth it.
Flybynight makes a lot of good points. I’ve hurt myself waiting for a girl to come around, and it’s bad. But there’s no need to close off 50% of the population as potential friends. 
Have, Am, and Will. q;}
Yeah, it’s worth it to remain friends. You never know when there might be an opportunity to upgrade the relationship. She might pass out drunk, for instance…
Why not? I’ve got no real wish to fuck any of my male friends yet I don’t blow them off…
There is the other side though. I have a male friend who has tried “passes” in the past and I have passed on the passes. He is a really good friend. A loyal friend. A fun friend. A friend I can count on. A friend I can confide in. A friend I want around forever.
but… part of me knows that he wants more. There is always a bit of of me holding back, being careful around him. I like my male friends to not fancy me (and that ain’t hard for most). I do love this friend, I just wish we BOTH knew we will always be friends plantonicly because he means the world to me.
You figure out what that means to you 
Already got a couple friends like that, actually. On one level, it kinda stinks - and the closer you get as friends, the harder it is to “upgrade” later. According to my human behavior class (a 100-level, watered-down psych class required of all undergrads, so HUGE grain of salt here) women really groove on emotional intimacy, emotional closeness. They can get that quite easily with a platonic friendship, so they have absolutely no reason to upgrade that. Whereas guys, of course, want that physical element, and so have a strong incentive to upgrade. What this means, of course, is that the women in question quickly (in my experience) stop thinking of you as a guy, and think of you simply as their friend. Which is cool, but then they’ll say things (“Man, I had such great sex last night”) or do things (Talk to you in nothing but short-shorts and a PJ top that’s too small) that reminds you you’re male - but it wouldn’t do to say that.
Why do I do it, then? Well, ladies, you already know part of the reason - women tend to be smarter than men. On my dorm floor, there are very few women who cannot hold a very good political/philosophical conversation. There’s only a few guys who can. So, it’s a matter of common interests. (This does NOT mean I’m a girly-man, just means I’m cultured. or something like that.)
Also, as Marley pointed out, there is something in my relationships with my female friends that just makes them feel more substantial, and makes me feel more comfortable talking to them about personal issues that may come up.
Finally - a female friend is a wonderful, wonderful resource, a reference without comparison, worth her weight in gold. I mean, a girlfriend usually won’t last forever, and when that relationship is gone, it tends to REALLY be gone. But friendship - ah, that has much more staying power. Which means that for a long time, your female friend can give you advice. Need to know what sort of cologne women like their men to wear? Ask! Need to know how women want to be propositioned? Ask! Sex question? In many cases - Ask!
Oh, and “Heart on My Sleeve” - I don’t know why, exactly, but the combination of your username, May registration date, and low post count suggests to me that you registered to ask this question, or at least had it at the top of your mind. This isn’t a hypothetical for you, is it?
So, here’s my advice to you - be this girl’s friend if you really, honestly can be her friend. As other posters have commented, that means no trying to get into her pants! If you’re just hoping to be Rebound Man when her current relationship fails (which it probably will, most do), then you’re being her friend for the wrong reason.
Good Advice, Mr. E.
I like being friends with women. It’s a different kind of friendship than I have with guys, even when sexuality doesn’t ever enter the equation. But, if I’m attracted to someone, especially someone who isn’t attracted to me, or isn’t available, it’s not a very good basis for a friendship.
Funny that this thread appears today because I had this question last night.
All of my closest friends are guys. Most of these friendships came out of an attempt at a relationship, and my personal experience is that it made our friendship better.
Well, if you are attracted to this woman… then yes…
The good thing about attractive women is that they usually have attractive friends… and if they like you as a friend, then they will probably want to set you up with one of their friends…
If you feel more for this woman… like if you start to fall in love with her… then you would probably be better off not being close with her…
Hmm. “Permiscuous”? Doubt it. “Promiscuous”, though - well, there’s some hope there.
Spelling Nazis get all the fun. Not to mention the ladies! 
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- “As I Have Seen It”, it isn’t natural for a guy to want to “hang around” women unless there’s some ulterior motive or unless the guy is gay. And any straight guy that tries to “hang around” a girl that doesn’t want him looks lame (-in her eyes, as well as the eyes of others) and decreases his chances of hooking up with anybody.
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I had a friend called Dave. He was very cute and fun, and he had a girlfriend. We remained casual friends, enjoying each other’s company, never crossing any friend/shag boundaries. It was just a pleasant casual friendship. I never thought of it as a potential relationship.
Several years on we were both single, and whaddaya know - we hooked up. It was brief (we were both moving to opposite ends of the earth) and lovely. I will always remember him fondly.
I think he had a wonderful skill of making friends with women and keeping them in an ambiguous zone - neither “just friends” nor “more than friends” - so that if future circumstances changed, a relationship would be possible.
Please remember, though (as calm kiwi points out) : women who have “friends” who are clearly interested in them can get very, very uncomfortable. Do not place any expectations on her. Do not tell her how you feel unless (a) you have a reasonable expectation that she feels the same way, and (b) you are prepared to lose her if she is not comfortable with the situation.
I tried to be friends with the women who turned me down, but so far it never worked out.
One time I couldn’t stand her boyfriend and got into arguments about that, so we both decided it would be best to go our separate ways.
Another time I wanted to show that I wasn’t interested in her anymore and ended up acting like a complete jerk, which in turn made her ignore me.
In both cases I am pretty sure that I am better off this way, because I have enough friends as it is, male and female alike, and don’t really need to hang out with people, who’ll only cause heartache for me.
From my own experience, I’d say ‘yes, if…’
Yes, if, you can get over your attraction to her and actually think of her as a friend and not as someone you hope to go out with someday.
In high school and college, there were a couple of women who said “no, but I want to be friends” to me, and I saw it as a ‘foot in the door’ to her one day changing her answer to ‘yes’. As a result, time that could have been spent looking for new romantic interests while at the same time having an good honest friendship, was instead wasted on making her feel awkward and me feel foolish (when looking back on my cluelessness).
Now, on the other hand, I’m married and not looking for anyone new. In my office, there are a number of women who are extremely attractive, but I know that there’s no chance of a romance between me and any of them. Instead, we’re good friends. Our friendship is an honest one, and it makes our office a much more pleasant place to work.
um…nope.
as has been said, i can imagine that it can be uncomforatble for the girl, knowing that if she ‘weakens,’ it could be construed as an invitation for something more. I generally don’t worry that going out for a good time with guy friends will end up with one of them on top of me. though it has happened. but that’s another story.
the other thing is that for a guy, you’re better off signing some sort of ‘indentured servitude’ contract so that at least you get something tangible out of it. in my experience, guy friends are generally kept on tap for moving, fixing stuff, building projects, etc. in return, they get to bask in the presence of a woman that they’d love to boff, but never will. a lot of the ‘nice guys’ that i know end up here, and people are always surprised when they go postal over the frustration over the whole thing. guys do NOT like ambiguous relationships, ladies.