Golden Boy the Brown-Nosing Wonder Asshole

The BBQ Pit
1

This rant is over a week late. I’m not apologizing for that fact, merely explaining it. It’s this goddamned flu that knocked me over. Anyhow, I just had to share –

This fucker comes in late, goes home early, and takes a two hour lunch. Treats anyone he feels is beneath him as total shit. AND he’s pissing off the secretaries. If you know how corporate America works, you know that’s not a good idea. Lucky for him, he makes his own travel arrangements - if he had the “support personnel” (which is what they call secretaries these days) do it he’d likely find himself in some shithouse with a mold problem, bedbugs, and toilet problems, the room right next to the ice cube maker and the freight elevator. Not to mention seated next to the lav, galley, and engines in a seat that doesn’t recline in the WORST seat on the airplane coming and going.

Anyhow, the motherfucker not only failed to relay the message that a cruicial person was sick on Monday (what? That’s not my job! No, fuckwad, it’s *her * job but since she wasn’t here just maybe you could have exerted yourself? Just one little e-mail?), he tried to fuck with me, too. AND the secretary of the CEO. He spoke with her at 11 am and agreed to spell her on the phones for lunch and breaks (because, whether he likes it or not, HE is “support staff” about 20% of his time) then never did so, apparently thinking it was OK to leave someone without relief for seven fucking hours which is not only a violation of labor laws, it’s fucking cruel. Well, CEO’s secretary isn’t stupid - she took her breaks anyway and will no doubt inform her boss why the phones weren’t covered. I suspect she will not be the one in trouble for this, and he’s now officially on her Shit List.

Meanwhile, Golden Boy and I have to split the phone coverage for our VP. First, he starts saying I have to go to lunch after him - and he ain’t going until 1 pm, which means I wouldn’t get lunch until 2 (assuming he comes back on time, which he never does.) I say nope, I’m going BEFORE him (to make sure I get to eat) and he can go when I get back. I also emphasize I have about 40 minutes to an hour of things to do this afternoon that require me to be away from the desk, so he’ll need to be here after he gets back. All of which he agrees to.

Fine. The bastard takes a 90 minute lunch, then, when he’s FINALLY back, he says “No - you have to answer phones - I’ve got this hour meeting then I’m leaving right after”

I commence yelling on the phone. Now, I work in a cube farm, so this is attracting some attention. HE’s yelling at ME because I don’t know about this meeting - hell, I wasn’t invited, it’s nothing I’m involved with. He starts insisting I should know anyway, even if I’m not invited, anyhow, he’s important and I’ll just have to adjust and maybe stay late and do those other things —

IT’S FUCKING VALENTINE’S DAY!!!. Maybe it didn’t occur to Golden Boy that I, being married, might have plans for this evening? Too bad, he says, so sorry, but he has to leave early and I’ll just have to –

That’s where I hung up on him. Went to supervisor. Supervisor sits right next to me and had already heard half this exchange. (hell, half the floor had heard it).

After this oh-so important meeting Golden Boy called me. It seems he now has to stay until 4pm or* I * say he can go. Apologizes. I do not accept apology - he’s done this before, many times, and I’m fucking sick of his “I’m sorry”. He’s not sorry, he’ll say anything to save his ass.

Supe came to me the next day - “How do you and VP’s Secretary know he comes in late and leaves early?” (I suspect Golden Boy has been attempting to cover his ass by saying he’s there, he just hasn’t checked in with anyone). I say - well, I’m dropping something off at the VP’s office, walk by his desk, the lights are off, the computer’s off, there’s no coat… he ain’t there, right? Unless he’s coming to work in Chicago in February in just shirtsleeves. Ditto for early leaving

Fucking goddamn shit-kissing little brown-nosing piece of retarded syphillitic goat-fucking leperous armadillo felching SCUM!!!

I’m fucking sick of having to clean up his bullshit.

I hope management FINALLY gets the message he’s a slacker and an asshole and does something about it.

He also steals other people’s ideas and takes credit for them… but he thinks I’m too stupid to have ideas so he hasn’t done that to me yet. (Yes, he honestly thinks I’m stupid, uneducated, and unable to think. He has told me so to me face. No doubt he was puzzled at the resulting belly laugh. Now he thinks I’m crazy, too - to hell with him)

2

One of the first and hardest lessons I ever learned in the bigwig world of corporate headquarters politics — the CEO’s secretary is a goddess, worthy of worship, gifts, fawning, deference, grovelling, and lots and lots of compliments. It’s the difference between having the big guy all softened up and meeting with you at the best possible time of day, and having him all pissed off over his favorite peeve and meeting with you just as she is handing him a note with astoundingly bad news.

3

I didn’t know we worked together. Which one of the “underlings” are you?

:smiley:

4

Oh Broomstick…you have my sympathy. I have worked with the same person over and over again. How they get away with their behavior baffles me. But, they eventually get theirs. (Unless their daddy’s the CEO). I know it’s true, because the worse case I ever saw (he worked with me at a local hotel company), rose and rose…then, rose no more. Now he’s working as GM at a limited-service, long-term-stay hotel. (I’m not saying that in itself is a bad job…but 20 years ago when he was wallowing in expense account lunches, picking up a new company car every 6 months, taking three hour lunches and leaving an hour or two early every day) he would have thought it was way, way, below him).

How do I know what he’s doing is not not that great a job?

The company he’s working for is a former client of mine. The owners asked me to do a “headhunting” job for them a while back and I know what he’s making. How the mighty have fallen… It is taking a great deal of restraint not to “happen” into his office just to razz him in some way… I could wear Joan Crawford heels, a cool business suit and just smirk at him.

5

Where does the brown-nosing come in? I didn’t see any instance of brown-nosing.

6

That’s how he got the job in first place.

He’s an actor-wannabee. This is his day job. As an actor, he does an amazingly good job of bullshitting, but at some point bullshitting won’t be enough.

The peons will be watching… heh, heh, heh…

7

THE ‘queen’ had a reserved stall just for Herself.

Someone stretched a big sheet of plastic wrap over the top of the china and lowered seat … everything AOK till the queen had to go …

P E E E E

E D all over her lower extremities!

8

ummm…am I missing something here?

9

Aagh! Zombie! Get a cricket bat!

10

“E D” = “erectile disfunction”?

:confused:

11

True art just sorta rolls off the tongue, don’t it?

12

Don’t cover for him. Don’t pick up his slack. Don’t take messages for him. Don’t reschedule your lunches for him. Don’t stay late for him. Don’t do a damn thing for him. Just make sure YOUR work is good, and YOUR ass is covered. If anyone asks, bluntly state that you are doing your job, and it’s not your function to babysit.

Here’s a way to stop him from stealing your work and ideas too - When you are doing something, do NOT keep any trace of it in the open unless you are there. treat it like Top Secret Stuff. When it is ready for comments and review, email it with receipts, to everyone except Golden Boy. Meanwhile, have a second, worthless, totally false “sample” where he can find it. Let him find it and steal it after your good version has already gone out. I did that to a work stealer here - it worked like a charm.

13

Aw, this zombie is barely two and a half months old. His internal organs haven’t even rotted away!

But since spingears’ nonsensical post dug it up, maybe Broomstick can update us and tell us if golden boy has been fired yet.

14

I’ve worked with quite a few Golden Boys and Golden Girls. While most of them follow a cycle similar to Sejanus in I, Claudius (sudden entry, sharp rise, unbelievable influence where every foot soldier can see they have no talents but management can, then one day the axe falls), the most frustrating thing is that they always survive; they’ll finally be exposed as incompetent a-holes and fired, then two months later you’ll run into them again and they’re at another company with a better job than your’s.

15

Update?

16

In a minute, she’s covering the phones again.

:wink:

17

Actually, I just spent two weeks in Detroit taking care of ill parents. I have no idea how Golden Boy is doing right now, but if I hear anything juicy I’ll pass it on.