Ladies and gentlemen, I submit for your amusement Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart.
The literalism. The histrionics. The mixed metaphors. The slo-mo dove. The glowing-eyed flying choirboy. The random football players who appear once and are then never seen again. The pansy-assed dancers. The vague (and vain) attempt at the end to explain what the hell was going on.
What were they thinking? It’s hilariously bad.
Can anyone do worse than this?
Turn around Bright Eyes. You forgot the dancing ninjas. And the shadow fencers. And the … what, greaser zombies climbing the stairs?
If there is a cheesier video I don’t want to see it.
What is going on in that video?
Well duh, he turned around, and he had bright eyes.
I’m surprised they didn’t do 80s-style CGI of Bonnie “falling apart” too. And some dough for “I knead you now tonight, I knead you more than ever”.
So, at the end, did she kill one of the schoolboys? Was it an identity parade? Was she a teacher and boffing one of them? I have no idea.
Complete hijack of my own thread, MidnightRadio, but did you take your name from the David Gray song? Good song, that.
Well damn. I’m dealing with genuine heartbreak in my own life right now, and by rights this song should have had me moody this late at night…
And yet all I can think about is Flying Priests with Frikkin’ Laser Eyes!
It’s a good thing. I can just come home and watch this and get turned off getting laid for another week or so…
Wow. I confess usually I see “best” or “worst” or some other “est” and I go and watch the clip in question and then I shrug and go “meh.”
This time I gotta say: Wow, that was one odd vid. :eek:
I always liked “In A Big Country”. It’s like… hey, we’ve got $10000 in our shooting budget. Whatsay we just buy some ATV’s and film ourselves riding around? Cuz nothing says “cool” like a British rock band driving around on 4-wheelers.
:eek: That has got to be a joke. (David Hasselhof - Hooked on a Feeling.)
Nearly forgot this one. Its a music video made by two popular Finnish artists in 1978. My mother lived next door and went to the same school as the male singer Danny.
A few days, I stumbled on this gem. The dork dancer is enough to put this into the solid cheese category, but the 80s CG and vector graphics just really put it over the top.
Robin
Sarah Brightman and Hot Gossip, “I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper”. I’d say this competes with the OP.
There’s a world of difference between “really bad”, “goofy”, “dated” and cheesiest. For cheesiest, the OP is right. I have never seen something so horribly…cheesy. From the constant back-lighting to the overused wind machine, from the angsty singing to the bright eyes, from the boarding school teens to the dancing ninjas (dancing fucking ninjas?, what…the…fuck?), from the million of candles to the cliche arm-tensing while singing, from the gothic set to the mirrors, every shot of this video, every second of the song is cheesy.
Well done, OP. Spot on.
In honor of this week’s anniversary… How can this thread be complete without - America: We Stand as One
Some of the other videos posted in replies are bad, but…
Wow! That Bonnie Tyler video is just… something! Bad isn’t even the right word. haha, jeez. My sisters used to make jokes about the video but I’ve never actually watched it before. Now I know. I mean the song itself is pretty ridiculous it’s so melodramatic, but they could’ve just done something like the Meatloaf video and it’d be fine. The dancers, the athletes, the various cliche groups, the glowing freaky eyes… it’s just insane.
That Bonnie Tyler vid is so … overwrought. Some director thought he was making this big artistic allegorical imagery-filled mysterious enigma of a piece, and instead it’s just head-scratching what-the-hell.
Now The Safety Dance one, I just watched it and laughed and laughed. I laughed so hard my mom who is recovering from surgery came up to see what the heck was going on. It’s so BAD! I can’t believe I used to watch this kind of crap for hours! So wonderfully horribly bad.