How much sex does Bruce Wayne have? Is he any good in bed?

We all know that billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne can always be found with a bevy of cuties on his arm, but how often is he taking these women home and getting busy with them?

I’m thinking not much:
– he’s way too obsessed with fighting crime to spend much time worrying about getting laid
– he’s super busy, and even taking time out to be seen on a date is asking for a lot from him
– he doesn’t want these women to see the tons of scars and bruises that riddle his body
– since he has a reputation as such a lady-killer, a woman would be prone to blame herself if he doesn’t sleep with her.
– even if it becomes known that he doesn’t have much sex, people would write that off as a billionaire eccentricity.

And even when he does decide to sleep with someone, I’m thinking he wouldn’t be that great in bed. Sure, he’s in great shape, and he probably knows all kinds of tantric-type secrets. But:

– He’s too busy to spend much time pleasing some random cutie he’s dating.
– He doesn’t have to be good. He just have to be Bruce Wayne. Just like with rock stars and groupies.
– He wouldn’t be focussed on pleasing the woman. He’d be too busy thinking about stopping the Joker, or whoever else just broke out of Arkham.

Oh, I think he gets some.

[Insert your own “Ambiguously Gay Duo” joke here]

Various comic versions most definitely got some high quality bed companions, but if we’re going with the current movie series incarnation of Bruce Wayne, I seriously doubt he’s had much sex. In the novelization of Batman Begins he went straight from school to a life as a globe-trotting vagrant, with no interest in socializing or seeking out feminine company. He did spend a lot of time fighting with other men, though.

From there, he goes to prison.

When he gets out of prison, he goes to what appears to be an all male super secret ninja school.

Then, he goes back to Gotham and shows absolutely no true interest in women other than Rachel (whom he holds up more as an icon of the life he wants rather than an object of sexual desire). When he’s carting all of his various beauties around, there’s no canoodling or show of interest. He throws an arm around their shoulders, smarms a bit, and that’s about it. One can assume he had some sexual escapades in college, but there’s no evidence for that.

Presumably, he’s so caught up in his own obsessions and his moral code (I can easily see Bruce believing it’s wrong to sleep with a woman who’s interested only in Playboy Bruce) that he’s essentially neutered himself. Or a gay sado-masochist.

In his Bruce Wayne persona, he is totally unprepared.

Ah, but when the moment comes, you know he’ll always have a condom - being prepared…

I think it’s possible for Bruce to consider bedding a certain number of women (and doing well) part of maintaining the illusion… which means that in his head, it’s probably Batman doing the bedding.

Uh, I think that says it all. Batman down in the laundry room with the latest young punk of the week. I mean, his name is Bruce, for God’s sake.

Going from the last movie, if I was a woman and the guy I was with started to do the Batman Voice, I’d totally freak out and run away.

So…he’s Australian?

Quick, to the Bat-Pharmacy!

Gay sado-masochist has my vote. I don’t know if it was just the big IMAX screen (or the fact that I was stuck in the first row), but I swear, Bruce fell in love with Harvey Dent. His eyes got all soft, his lips parted, and he became entirely fixated…

He’s the perfect setup to any gay joke you care to make. Still, he has been shown in sexual relationships with Selina Kyle, Silver St. Cloud, Vicki Vale, Talia and even Wonder Woman. Steve Englehart and Howard Chaykin wrote him as a convincing heterosexual. Most other writers, not so much.

I’m not sure how much Bruce is getting, but I bet the ladies would find The Flash a bit of a disappointment.

insert joke about Superman, Wonder Woman, and the Invisible Man here

Uh, hello…Bruce Wayne & Dick Grayson. Batman & Robin.

Are you insane? The guy is a built in vibrator. Not to mention he can take a time out if he feels he’s getting close ahead of schedule, and take a leisurely stroll around the block for a nano second or two.

Well now that Robin, the boy wonder, is gone who knows.

I assume he’s grim, and determined.

If you think he is, you should see Dick Tracy.

Not to mention the fact that he can travel through time, essentially not only delivering but producing multiple, simultaneous orgasms.

Insert “admiring self in mirror during a three-way scene from American Psycho” here.