A friend, my wife, her panties. NSFW

In My Humble Opinion
1

I don’t even know how the hell to go about handling this situation and I sure as hell do not want to share it with any of my friends or tell my wife, since the individual I’m about to address has all the same friends in common.

So, here it is: I left a friend of mine at my home alone while I went to a store that takes about 30 minutes to get there and back. Upon leaving the house, about three or four miles down the road, I realized I had left my wallet on my computer desk. Rather than knocking before coming in the door, which I wouldn’t do at my own home anyways, I just walked in. Upon walking in I noticed my friend wasn’t in my living room, although his car was still at my house. No problem, he was welcome to stay while I was away.

I grabbed my wallet off the computer and went back to our guest bedroom to see if he was in there, since the last time I saw him he was using my laptop at the kitchen table. The guest bedroom is at the back of the house, so there is no way he would have heard me come in. I knocked on the door to the guest bedroom and when I got no response I opened the door. He is sitting on the bed with a cat that ate the canary look on his face. Laying on the floor, about 3 foot to the right of him, is a pair of my wife’s boy shorts. I asked him if he was cool and he said, “Yeah, man, how come you came back already?” I explained and told him goodbye, to which he simply responded, “later.”

First and foremost, my wife’s under garments are NEVER in the guest-goddamn-bedroom. Second of all, he looked guilty as hell. Third, he has been pegged by all of our female friends as “creepy” and has said some way out of the line shit while drunk in the past.

I can only assume the worst, although I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, given his track record, however, I cannot ignore what he was doing.
He was still home when I got back and he tried to act as if nothing was out of the ordinary…strangely enough my wife’s underwear were not laying where they were when I returned the first time, they were put back in our laundry hamper in my bedroom. He ended up staying the night as planned and leaving the next morning without it ever being addressed.

Now, I’m not a timid guy- and am never afraid to speak my mind or say something if I think something is up. But this…this, just caught me so off guard I had no idea what to say or how to handle it. I mean…he pretty much has to know he was busted because her drawers were in plain sight.

What the hell do I do here? I’m sure as hell not going to tell my wife because she will freak out and I don’t blame her. Do I say something to him? I mean…how in the hell do you even go about addressing it? Or do I even address it at all?

I mean, I don’t think this is a defriending offense, but perhaps it is, I don’t know. I sure as hell can’t trust him to be left alone at my house anymore and someone I can’t trust alone at my house isn’t really a friend. I’m going to leave it up to the doper community to let me know how to handle this one…I really don’t want to bust him out to my friends, which naturally, are mutual friends. :smack:

2

Just want to point out that’s a pretty good OP to username connection. That is all.

3

hafta ask…is there any chance your wife was under his bed?

4

:slight_smile:

5

That cheating WHORE.

She, as far as I know, was at work 45 miles away.

Also, we didn’t go for the classy guest bed setup. More a college style, box spring under the ole’ mattress type. So, if she was under there, she didn’t have much air left.

6

Good username, response combo.

7

Too creepy for my taste. I mean, do you really want to continue to hang out with a guy who jerks off in your own home with your wife’s underwear? If you are positive that is what was happening, time to distance yourself. However, if he was in the room, using the computer and your wife’s underwear were there already, then it’s just an awkward funny situation.

If, as you say your wife’s delicates are never in that room, does that mean he went into her dresser and got a pair or even worse, poked through your laundry for a used pair? That alone would skeeve me out enough to want to start punching someone. Your call since you were the one who walked in on him. But you have to decide if you can trust him and can you trust him alone with your wife? If you are going to be friends, there will come a time he will be alone with her, if that is going to make you uncomfortable then you have your answer.

8

How much time has passed? Part of the decision here is that there are some things where you kind of have to do something soon, or not at all. But speaking generally, sounds like a defriending offence to me. Pretty violative to use your wife’s knickers like that. And for mine, your wife is entitled to know. Her reaction will drive things after that, I suspect. But only you know the full context of the whole relationship.

9

My wife and I have been together since junior high. We stayed together through highschool and only had one extended break-up during college. The guy in question we both grew up with; his mom was my wife’s baby sitter. It isn’t like this is a new friend or someone we’ve just cultivated a relationship with. He is someone who has been around our entire life. He has been alone with my wife many times and has never said anything out of line to her. His comments that are out of line are more of spouting off about his sex life with people in the room who obviously don’t want to hear about it, especially females. He’s creepy towards women in that they think he is a kind of a weirdo, not like a rape vibe type weird. The fact that we’ve basically been life long friends makes it much more difficult or I’d just cut him off completely. In fact, I’m a groomsman in his wedding this coming July.

As for me being absolutely sure that what is what was going on I can’t be 100%, however, the room was cleaned before he came and cleaned by me and my wife together; the only way her underwear got in there was by him taking them in there. Now, if he was appreciating their asthetic value that is one thing, but I seriously doubt that is what he was doing. I mean, he does have a history of relatlively weird sexual…shall we say, habits. He has looked at porn on my computer and forgot to clear the history or forgot to close a pop-up tab. Those are forgivable offenses, but this one is just…way too goddamn invasive and frankly over the line. I just don’t really know how to confront him with it. He is a very truthful guy, if he is busted he will more than likely fess up. This is one of those things that is particularly embarassing, so I’m sure he will deny it, and there is no way I can prove it. I just can’t decide if it is one of those defriending type things or more of a thing where we make up excuses as to why he can’t stay when he comes and stays with us while he visits his parents. He lives about 120 miles away and I live in the same general area we grew up in. His parents are ultra religious and do not allow him and his fiance to stay in the same house together while they are down, so they stay here. We have the room and they really don’t get in the way. This time, it was just him who came down. Since he has established the habit of staying with me when he visits that is what he did this time.

10

This is my problem: If I tell my wife there is no middle ground or negotiating. He will flat not be allowed around anymore. She wouldn’t tell me, “You can’t hang out with him” or anything like that, but she is sure as hell would not want him here. So far, I’m just thinking of not leaving him here alone. I mean, if he went this far what is to say he isn’t rummaging through our things while he is left here alone?

11

Sorry for the typos and errors; I know there are some grammar and spelling nazis on the boards. It should have been aesthetic.

12

It was this weekend.

13

There is absolutely no doubt he either: Got them out of of her dresser or got them out of our hamper. But, I’m assuming he got them out of the hamper since that is where they were when I got back home the second time. I mean, if he got them out of the dresser I’m assuming that is where he would have put them back when he was done doing god knows what.

14

The fact that she wouldn’t want him in the house if she knew means he shouldn’t be in the house. Her rules for comfort in her own home apply, even if she doesn’t know the specifics.

For me, this would be a major issue. I’d no longer consider him a friend, but he would be a tolerable acquaintance in social situations with mutual friends.

Telling your wife would disturb her sense of comfort in her own home, without any real benefit. If for some reason it came up, I’d be honest, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to bring it up.

Regardless of whether you choose to remain friends, acquaintances, or whatever, I’d keep in mind that the burden of awkwardness is on him. If it came down to a discussion about why we’re not so close anymore and he pressed me for answers, I’d say it matter-of-factly and let him stew in the awkwardness, rather than upsetting my own sanity going to lengths to protect his feelings when he is the source of the issue. I’d avoid embarassing him in front of mutual friends, but one-on-one if needed I’d be up front about it, telling him I appreciated the years of friendship and still think fondly of him, but as a matter of taking care of the business of running my home I have no choice but to keep my distance.

15

ROFLMAO, AWKWARD! It’s a good thing you knocked… imagine if you opened the door to see your wife’s undies on his head and his hand on his other head. There’d be no pretending you didn’t notice anything, then! (Not enough brain-bleach in the world to erase that memory!) And you know he was jackin’ it, otherwise you’d think he would have had more time to hide the undies, rather than toss 'em on the floor and frantically pull up his pants.

So, yeah, that’s a tough one. I definitely wouldn’t tell the wife, since it will do nothing but upset her. Still, I wouldn’t leave him alone at your house, or with your wife.

What was your reaction like? Did you react in any way, or obviously glance at the undies on the floor? Do you think he knows you know? Still, I probably wouldn’t say anything to him about it, either way. My guess is that he won’t even dare to question it if you don’t leave him alone in your house again. If he does, just give him a knowing glance with a raised eyebrow, and that ought to shut him up right quick! LOL

16

Wife here. The one incident from a guy who may not have privacy at home is creepy and rude, but not necessarily a deal breaker. But he ought to look at porn on his own time in his own space, really shouldn’t share much if anything about his sexual interests and exploits with friends, and shouldn’t be so keyed up that he can’t be left alone for 30 minutes without exploring the hamper. Seems like escalating behavior rather than an isolated incident.

Not saying he’s dangerous, but definitely hasn’t shown he can control his impulses or respects boundaries. You’re unlikely to forget this incident anyway, if you’re unable to end the relationship cold, I’d find ways to wean him out of your life. And warn the wife that you’ve decided to see less of him because he’s not the kind of guy you’d leave alone in your house or with your wife. You could tell me what you suspected and I wouldn’t overreact, I’d just say eww he’s not welcome here, and would hope you’d avoid someone who displayed such poor judgement.

As fetishes go, this one seems pretty harmless when practiced at home. But going through someone else’s personal things is out of line no matter the motivation. I wouldn’t worry about his feelings overmuch, he certainly didn’t consider yours.

Just think of the public service you’ve provided for panty snifferz everywhere by sharing your story. Creepers gotta be more careful. But the rest of us *will never know * just who’s doing what with our panties. (What, like I’m gonna post a searchable keyword that will direct them here??)

17

No perv would “get them from her dresser”…they just wouldn’t have that certain Wessonality as those in the hamper.
(err, uhm, so I have been told…)

18

Oh, how convenient, your friend’s here. cougar58, tell Crime Scene you’re sorry and that you respect his wife and his hospitality. And never, ever, neverever, use that word in the context again.

19

Wow…good catch. CS, you may want to check Ebay…my hunch is he is in the 11th hour of auctioning them off to some inmates at Joilet. Do a search under “scratch and sniff” + “women’s undergarments”

Plan B: get a can of StarKist tuna, and empty it into a sealed jar of hydrosulfuric acid. Add a pair of her Fruit of the Loom’s, seal jar. Set it in the hot sun for 2 days.

Place the FTL’s on the top of the hamper; invite him over, then you and spouse leave for an hour.

When you return, your problem of him putting his nose where it doesn’t belong, as well as potentially putting the move on her, will be solved.

20

Crime Scene, you’ve known this guy a long time. Man up, and tell him how disturbed you are by what you’re sure he was doing. Tell him how you feel: that life-long trust that has been broken, and how utterly revolting and disrespectful he has been to your wife.

Tell him that if you even suspected anyone else of doing what he was caught doing, you’d punch their lights out.

Ask him how he’d feel if someone had done the same to his fiancé. If he says, “I’d be cool with that!” punch his lights out.

FWIW, I’d be so disgusted I’d tell him that I was no longer able to be his best man, and that the friendship was over. But I’d do that before I had to tell my wife why it all ended, (since she’d certainly ask) because your loyalty and protection should be toward her, not him. He’s a fucking creep, and a sneaky smug arsehole.

Seriously. How can you remain friends with someone who’s jerked off to your wife’s dirty underwear??? And please don’t think that this is the FIRST time.

I know what kind of man he is - what kind of man are you?