10 Stupid things my brother-in-law believes.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

  1. Shakespeare should be translated into modern English.

  2. There were no such things as dinosaurs. The bones are from giants.

  3. The United States shouldn’t convert to the metric system just because the rest of the world has. Whatever system the USA chooses should be the world standard. English standard measurement is easier to use than the metric system anyway.

  4. Most slaves were better off as slaves. In fact, most slaves were happy with their lives and did not want to be freed.

  5. There are no distant stars. All visible stars are within a few hundred light years of Earth.

  6. The vast majority of scientific evidence supports creationism, the great flood, a 6,000 year old earth and a literal interpretation of the bible. The reason you never hear this is that the liberal-controlled media and education establishment have been pushing the beliefs of a small minority of fringe scientists, namely evolution, the big bang, dinosaurs, distant stars, etc.

  7. The Constitution is based on Biblical principals, and the Bill of Rights is based on the 10 commandments.

  8. There are only a few hundred species of animals on earth. For example, bats are a single species, not 800 different ones. Lions and tigers can interbreed, so they are obviously a single species. In fact, all big cats are a single species!

  9. Anglo-Saxons should only marry other Anglo-Saxons to preserve the “purity of the white race.”

  10. Roger Moore was the best James Bond.

2

Man, I thought I had it bad with my white-supremacist first cousin.

Your family gatherings must be all manner of fun.

3

When I was in seventh or eighth grade we read a bastardized version of Romeo and Juliet, both shortened and turned into modern English. It was a crime against literature.

4

I could comment on so much, but I will just make one, simple comment.

Sean Connery was the best James Bond. sighdrool

5

The problem with #1 isn’t just that it would be a bad idea to translate Shakespeare into modern English (although it is a bad idea). The problem is that Shakespeare is in modern English. The plays can be difficult to understand because they are written in verse. No one actually talked the way Shakespeare’s characters did. If you were to take a time machine to England c. 1600, you would find that British English has actually changed very little in the last 400 years.

6

I think that one says it all.

7

Yep, have to agree with the others. He blew his credibility with number 10.

8

That’s the only thing I’d agree with there. :slight_smile: The rest are, well, too silly to concentrate on.

9

Despite having never met your brother-in-law, I bet I can add to the list of things he believes.

  1. The Bible didn’t need to be translated into modern English. It was originally in that language.

  2. Ronald Reagan was the greatest President.

  3. John Wayne was the greatest actor. And a decorated war hero.

  4. Howard Stern is the greatest comedian.

  5. Rush Limbaugh was, is, and will be the greatest man who ever lived. Period.

  6. Income taxes are illegal.

  7. Pro wrestling isn’t fixed.

  8. The Civil War had nothing to do with slavery. And it’s a damn shame that the wrong side won.

  9. Any woman who doesn’t want to have sex with your brother-in-law is a lesbian.

  10. Most women are lesbians.

10

Is this your Bro-in-Law because you are married to his sibling? Or did your sister volunarily marry this, um, well, to use a word VERY loosely, guy.

And Sean kicks Roger’s ass.

11

Professional wrestling is fixed!?!?!?!

::hardygrrl goes off to cry, clutching her Jeff Hardy action figure to her chest with all her illusions shattered::

12

No, no, he means Jeff isn’t “fixed”- that’s good news, isn’t it?

13

Besides, Lazenby could kick both Moore’s and Connery’s ass!

:::ducks and runs:::

14

My sister voluntarily married him. No one in my family can understand it either.

  1. Close enough, The King James Bible is a literal, flawless translation into English of the original Bible.

  2. Bingo

  3. Not John Wayne. Charlton Heston. Wayne is a close second.

  4. “Howard Stern is a shill for the liberal media.” a direct quote. Rush Limbaugh is the greatest comedian.

15 and 16. Bingo

  1. Close: It wasn’t fixed when he was a kid, but it is now.

18 and 19. Bingo

  1. Close: Most women atheletes are lesbians. All feminists are lesbians.

8 out of 10. Well done!

15

Don’t be silly. George Lazenby got to marry Mrs. Peel.

16

Number Six, touch your nose!
Seriously, someone look and see if he is saying this with a straight face.

17
  1. The moon landing was a hoax.
18

BTW, you are keeping him from those Jack Chick tracts right?

19

And don’t forget

  1. And let me tell you about what REALLY happened to Kennedy. Blah, blah, snooze.
20

Have you asked him about Flight 19?