You know, one thing I’ve always thoroughly disliked about these boards is how snobbish we come off to newcomers. I prefer proper grammar and spelling too, but for some people, it’s just not as high a priority. We really need to think of less catty ways to handle our collective pet peeves.
If only there was some kind of technological gizmo that could be used to record evidence of her father’s temper control issues.
I agree. It’s kind of ridiculous how people will jump all over newcomers and say rude things just because the person is new. Some people here are so desperate to look “Too smart to fall for the troll” that they assume every newcomer is a troll and act rude to anyone new.
Whatever, oldtimer.
:rolleyes:
Can you send your location? (It’s not on your profile or I’m blind.)
Also, while I will try not to be as catty as others have about it, writing on this board is a great way to improve your writing skills. If you started by capitalizing the beginning of each sentance and proper nouns, it would make your posts a lot easier to read (for me, anyway).
When my over-40 girlfriend went back to school a few years ago to finish her bachelor’s degree (she was 1 class short), I took every opportunity I could to slip into conversations that I was sleeping with a coed. 
my location? new york
Morally I see no issue with 17/20, especially in the case of only one school year apart. Last year it would have been a high school junior dating a high school senior. Super common, and nothing anyone sees as an issue by itself. I don’t think official graduation changes things that much. I dated a 19 year old college sophomore as a 17 year old high school senior. Many of the high school girls did, the high school senior boys complained to no end about this, but no one else cared. Generally, the senior boys dated sophomore or junior girls, then the boys went to college and many stayed with their girlfriend, who was still in high school. If it wasn’t immoral as a senior/junior, why would it be any different the next year?
But in this situation it’s probably best to wait until she’s 18 or she can move out (I’m not sure of the legalities around this). The dad sounds like too much to deal with, but if you can handle him, go for it. Just check the statutory rape laws if sex enters the picture, because the last thing you want is a criminal charge.
Age of consent in New York appears to be 17, so I don’t think he needs to worry about statutory rape laws.
In my opinion, I don’t see anything wrong with a 20 year old dating a 17 year old. She’s nine months away from being 18 - in Alberta, that would make her a full-fledged adult, able to do everything that adults do. She’s technically still a child in the eyes of the law, but there’s a huge difference between a seven year old and a 17 year old.
I think the biggest problem here is her home life - it does indeed sound like she has controlling, not great parents. It also sounds like they’re playing the, “When you live under my roof, you live by my rules” card, which she’ll have to live by as long as she does indeed live at home. Her home situation doesn’t sound great, but if she can stick it out until she graduates high school in a few months, she can get the hell out of there after that.
As for the grammar and spelling and stuff, first let me say welcome to the boards, balthalzarzo. We do have fairly high standards for writing here, but we have no way of enforcing them. People who stick around usually monitor themselves. Another thought - you get better at the things you do frequently, so your writing would be likely to improve if you held yourself to a higher standard regularly. That would probably translate to better writing on your college essays and exams as well.
Nobody treated me that way when I showed up here. And one of my very first threads was a very contentious pit thread that went on for hundreds of posts.
Of course, I knew how to use the shift key and had a semblance of proper spelling and grammar when I first showed up, so what do I know.
Seriously, nobody here expects perfection. But it is nice when people have extremely legible posts that adhere to most grammar conventions.
Wasn’t there some thread here a few years ago where a guy about 38 was dating a 17 year old or such?
20 and dating a 17 year old? high fives 
Where do you live that CPS is that shitty at their job?
Well then it’s OK. Show this to her parents as proof. Problem solved.
Is her mom hot? Do her mom. (Or her dad – I should not be gender biased in my posts).
I am confused. So you are going to be 20 soon, and you waited for someone for a year and then dated her for 4 years? So back when you were 14 or 15? 
It’s not “stealth bragging” if you are 20. If you are like 35 OTOH…
Her dad sounds like a first-rate asshole.
A three-year age difference is nothing. You’re both physically mature. Anyone calling you a pedo is being a moron.
As far as strategy is concerned… Is your relationship strong? Then I recommend a long-term stealth approach.
What’s her exist strategy from that household? She definitely needs one. Everything should revolve around that. Is she going to go to college? Is she going to get a job right after HS?
If she’s going to college and will still be dependent on her parents’ money, then date her but keep it a secret from her parents. Once she graduates from college, just be together.
If she is going to get a job right out of high school, she can tell her dad to fuck off and just live with you. Problem solved.
Either way, 9 months’ time is not much time at all. Keep it cool, be patient, and you will be together pretty soon. I’m rooting for you!
Welcome to the Dope! As another poster said, it’s a great place to learn. Hang in there!
yes ;lol.
her exit plan is to move in with me the day after she turns 18 (with cops if needed) and go to community college, the same one i go to, i’ll be living right next to it, so its perfect since she wants to go there. and she’s trying to get a job now
also, her parents are piss poor, so she will probably be able to claim way more money or help if she claims in dependency from her parents. although if push comes to shove, im sure they would still help her even if she lives with me, well for college things.
Sounds like a plan.
Remember, just be the adult, since people much older than you won’t be. When emotions run high, just stay even keel. Be polite to her parents and “above it” the whole while.
Good luck!