20 and dating a 17 year old.

In My Humble Opinion
1

Well, i turned 20 on april 22nd, and my girlfriend turns 18 on july 21st.
i usually follow the rule for dating as your age divided by two + 7= lowest to date, in which is 17.

But her parents wont let me see her, they made her quit cheerleading because she dates me, and they tell everyone in the town im a pedo and like 14year olds?

Now she’s a senior in highschool, and i’m a college freshmen, i just started, maturity wise she’s probably even more mature then me. But i’ve tried everything, her dad hit her before so i called CPS and now the dad hates me, he told her if he finds out were together again he’ll beat us to a bloody pulp. So we don’t see each other anymore, we webcam when she can get on her older brother’s pc(he’s 21 and my best friend) and text and call every night, every once in awhile maybe month or two i’ll see her somehow for 20-30minutes for a kiss, but that’s it, previously we spent 8months together every day, but she didn’t tell her parents about it. The dad hates me, but he’s kinda…nuts imo, the mom doesnt hate me persay, just thinks i’m a cocky asshole because she tried to tell me i could be arrested, and that the age of consent was 18, when its 17, i showed her and she said i’m a cocky asshole -_-. Her dad said we’re broken up and she said no, well he said you are under 18, you have to believe what i force you to believe(although you can not ever force someones mindset like that, all it takes to be *Dating, or bf and gf, is to have that mindset to both the male and female, we blocked them from FB in which they asked us to unblock them because they want to see if it says in a relationship, but we said we wouldnt unblock them, and they force her to church when she doesn’t believe, which is weird to force someone like that. She’s not allowed to leave the house or anything, she goes to school then home, thats it, they wanted her to get a job and she got offered one at my workplace, and her parents wouldn’t let her even though i work nights, just because i worked there! and they still yell at her to get a job.

I’m not some dropout, completed highschool, i don’t drink or do drugs, and i’m in college holding all b’s

I’m guessing it’s not legal for her to move out at 17 in NY, (she wants to live with grandma, who loves me and i help her grandma every day)

But, IMHO, is 17 and 20 that bad?

I used to go to her highschool and everyone there is slutlike, 14year olds having sex, girls dating a different guy every week, stuff like that. To me, i would think someone who is maintaining there life, and in college is a godsend, but apparently i’m a pedofile -__-

2

Join Date: Oct 2012

3

First of, “IMHO” doesn’t make any sense here. If you are asking us if we think a 20 year old dating a 17 year old is “that bad”, then prefacing that question with “in my humble opinion” is nonsensical.

Second, yes. It’s bad. Vewy, vewy bad. Unless she’s hot. Then it’s ok.

4

**If **this is genuine, have her move in with you. She needs to be away from a father that’s hitting 17 year olds. There’s absolutely no moral problem at all with a 2 year old doing anything at all with a 17 year old and I can’t see anyone thinking otherwise.

For more extended advice, convince me this is genuine.

5

You British certainly have different moral standards than us Americans. :eek:

j/k, I know this was a typo

6

I’d let you see our fb’s but thats a little much, it’s genuine, but she tried before, and the cops scared her into returning(well they didn’t force her home immediately, i told them she was at my house and they said, just have her home by tomorrow, and i was like tomorrow 8pm okay? and they said yes, so i dont know if they were FORCING her or something else). might i add, it was one hit, she’s been hit a total of 3years in her lifespan only, with the recent one leaving a bruise.

and what, 2 and 17 umm…thats disturbing…
also yes, she’s hot. prettiest girl i’ve ever been with, and she likes the exact same things as me, she spent 2years trying to get with me and we were best friends, but i kept saying no until she was close to 17.

7

This is one of those requests for advice that looks a bit like stealth bragging: “I have a big problem – I’m banging a seventeen-year-old girl!” :D;)

8

we havent had sex. just makeout, etc. i’ve had bad situations with sex so im not ready for it again. like, i’m a little different, don’t get me wrong i like sex, but it’s complicated past things, so i dont want to complicate future things. lol

9

Taking note of Rachellelogram’s post

Well your posts make you sound like you’re about 15 years old, so I’d say go for it. :rolleyes:

If this is genuine, it sounds like this relationship started when you were both in high school (she’s been trying to “get with you” for a few years). High school relationships are pretty much subject to the parents rules: they’re paying the bills, putting the roof over your head, providing the bed you sleep in. If her parents say she can’t date you, she can’t date you. Her ass is theirs until she’s 18, for the most part. She doesn’t have the freedoms you have as an adult, and if you want to date her, realistically you have to do it either with their permission, or behind her parents backs. It’s for reasons like this that most 20 year olds don’t date high school girls - you’re not just dating her, you’re dating her parents as well. My suggestion is to put the brakes on the relationship at least until she turns 18, or even better until she moves out on her own.

There have been a bunch of these “Large age disparity between partners” questions lately, and in this case I’m not going to sugar-coat it: a 20 year old college student wanting to date a girl in high school is creepy. There are TONS of cute, smart, available 18-22 year olds at your disposal, and you have your heart set on a 17 year old child, despite the difficulties imposed by her parents. I suggest that you will have a much easier time if you start dating girls your own age.

10

Well, this is true, but love is well love i guess. i’m thinking i’m just going to keep the relationship going and wait it out, maybe they’ll come around. the mother has no issue with me aslong as i apologize for being a cocky asshole, in which i just did and she said it meant alot to her.

alot of girls at my college do flirt with me too, but it’s more of a meh thing, they annoy me, and i started dating her before i went to college, so its a little different, i graduated highschool a couple months ago(i had an issue where i was out of school for over a year(medical), but i did this like education program and did 11th and 12th grade in 4 months, so we were attending the same highschool JUST recently, if i hadn’t of done the education program, i’d still be there at 20 with her. lol

11

I don’t think the main problem is your relative ages.

12

This is true, but the thing is, when CPS was called before, her parents lied to CPS and said that she fell in an argument, but the thing is, if it happens again she doesn’t want me to call cps because she said she’d rather deal with it then live in a foster home, and well emancipation is almost never granted so that’s not a route eather.

Alot of people said she should just move in with me and then when the cops try to force her back to claim abuse, but i’m not ready for her to live with me and i don’t want to start more shit.
I think next time abuse happens, i’ll let her call herself unless she is not able to, because they’ll take a girl crying, shaking and screaming over the phone alot more seriously then someone’s who 20 and calm at the time.

13

Perhaps it’s a regional thing, but in my experience girls dating slightly older guys is the norm, not some kind of sick oddity. All but one female member of my senior prom had a college student as a date. The HS freshmen were after juniors, seniors wanted college students, and college freshmen pursued the seniors and grad students. Relationships between classmates weren’t that common.

And “17 year old child?” I understand the lifestyle differences between a high school and college student making the match unappealing, but implying that there’s something pedophilic about it… :dubious:

14

Exactly! I think this is more of a control issue with her parents, she’s never ever been rebellious what so ever until she’s dated me, but from what i see i think there’s a huge issue brewing.
Like this is what happens, when her parents argue or insult, she doesn’t fight back if it’s against the dad, instead she cries or she gets not only mentally scared, but her body shakes, i’ve seen this in person and im able to calm it easily but still. that just aint right.
Another note i should add is she has a little brother, who’s ran away 4times, been placed on pins, and has tried to commit suicide before. so it shows there may be huge issues with this family, and i think i’m starting to see them.

Also, i go to a community college, and trust me, there’s nothing different from my highschool here, just we pay for the classes, i was quite suprised when i got to my community college, and STILL saw people making out in the hallways, i thought that was just a highschool thing and stuff.

15

I didn’t mean for “child” to imply anything pedophilic, but rather to highlight the fact that the girl is not an adult. As such, her parents (mostly her dad from the sound of it) for the most part have control over her life, and the OP will have to continue to deal with that if he wants to date her. If he can deal with that more power to him.

It’s funny, it was the opposite at my high school. There were maybe a few girls with college-age dates at my prom and they definitely raised a few eyebrows, of both the students and the chaperones. Pretty much everyone dated within the school. I’d probably feel differently if that was common in my area when I was growing up.

16

You have got to be kidding me. I thought that one was only used by desperate drunks trying to cover up their domestic abuse. :rolleyes:

17

I want to know why a 20-year old college student hates punctuation and grammar and stuff.

18

Impregnate her and sue her parents for child support. Problem solved.

19

  1. Call the cops and/or CPS to make sure that her father stops beating her.

  2. Work diligently to improve your grammar, punctuation, etc., starting today.

  3. By all means keep on dating her. Three years is nothing.

20

The only thing i type remotely grammatically correct is my college essays. xD though i still have issues with the number rule, like how you saw small numbers as one, two, three etc and big numbers as 10, 11, 12
three years? what you mean three years? she turns 18 in july and i turn 21 in april lol

And i can wait, it’s only 8months, 7 until she graduates and in our state, when you graduate you gain your rights. i don’t mind waiting, its tough, but i waited a year before for a girl i ended up dating for 4 years, to find out she cheated 6times. this girl i know won’t actually cheat, she’s nowhere near the type and well she’s not allowed outside to do so anyway.