I’m not an Oilers fan but I’m heartbroken they lost. They’re a fun team; conversely, the Anaheim Mighty Ducks are the most boring and irrelevant franchise in the NHL, except for the Coyotes. Do they even have fans? Go Nashville!
So the final four:
Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa.
Pittsburgh has to be a ten to one favourite. They are, on paper, so much better than the Senators it’s stupid; the Sens were lucky to make the playoffs and lucky to win both their series. Pittsburgh has more weapons than the U.S. Army. They have nine playoff goals from someone named “Jake Guenztel.” They’re just the best team in the East. Oh, and Sidney Crosby. Greatest hockey player in the world. You might remember him.
But it’s not a certainty, because
- Erik Karlsson, who is clearly not a normal human, but is one of the X-Men, whose superpower is the ability to someone be two hockey players at the same time. You are never, ever safe when Erik Karlsson is on the ice. He has elevated his game to new heights of genius and the Penguins are doubtless worried he’ll elevate it further.
- The Senators play a tight defensive game that frustrates people and encourages their opponents to make stupid errors, thus making luck more of a factor than against an attacking team.
- Marc-Andre Fleury is in and out. I don’t think it’ll matter; the Penguins can win a lot of 6-4 games. But you never know, I guess.
So I’d put a hundred bucks on Pittsburgh, but not a thousand.
Nashville vs. Anaheim
Hey remember when the Canadiens traded PK Subban because they felt he wasn’t enough of a leader and they wanted someone to get them deep into the playoffs? And people said… okay, I’ll get off that topic… no I can’t. I hope Subban scores two overtime winners and rides his stick like a horse and drives racist shits insane, and if Ottawa can’t win the Stanley Cup, I want Nashville to, and Subban to win the Conn Smythe and be given the keys to the city by the mayor of Nashville while adoring fans scream his name and Montrealers march downtown to hang Marc Bergevin while Mike Milbury’s tiny brain explodes. God that would be glorious, wouldn’t it? I’m going to write PK Subban and ask him to actually do a dab every time the Predators score, even if he’s on the bench.
Oh, right, the series.
The Predators finished well behind Anaheim this year but they got off to a bad start, so I’m really not convinced the Mighty Ducks are actually a better team. Truth be told, neither of these teams were regular season juggernauts. Certainly the Predators have looked awfully great during the first two rounds, though, so I’ll give them a slight edge, with the depressing admission that the Mighty Ducks are so goddamn boring fate will probably let them win.
Obviously the best player on either team is Pekka Rinne right now, who is playing out of his mind. It’s near impossible to beat a team whose goalie has a save percentage about .950, and Rinne is getting terrific work from a defense that allows few shots on net - fewer, in fact, that any of the other 3 teams left in the playoffs. Teh Ducks are going to have to hope Rinne stops his head-standing act, but to do that they need to beat Nashville’s defence; a goalie only facing eight or nine shots a period isn’t being pressured enough to crack.