Today you may have observed the exciting news that US budget deficit might now be in excess of 450 billion dollars (a 680 billion dollar reversal from the original budget surplus estimate), which is, I believe, officially more money than God - although we haven’t reached “a google plus infinity” quite yet.
Just for fun, I wanted to ask the what the world would look like if DOPERS had that kind of cash. What would you do with, oh say, 455,000,000,000.00 dollars? How would you rack up a credit card debt with all those zeros?
I would like to think I would be a real humanitarian and give the majority of it to some cause like the fight against HIV with enough of a surplus to live more than comfortably for the rest of my life.
If that wasn’t an issue I would travel the world in my new luxury yacht/sailboat going between my new tropical archipeligo nation, named My Land Get Out Or I Kill You (or something to that effect. I would like to see it printed on maps). In the meantime I would pay the queen of england a million bucks to strip naked and have sex with a dog on national television, I would fund my own private battle mech facility with the first one going to me and be space ready, and then I would go fight the evil robots (they like Lima Beans) of planet Zarkonzeeblewitz in my new mech by showing them video tapes of the Queen of England screwing a pooch.
If $455 billion suddenly fell in my lap today, I would 1) pay off my bills, and 2) go on vacation.
On a more serious note… I would most definitely give the bulk of it away. Apart from a variety of humanitarian causes, I would set up an alternative funding source for basic scientific research. Anyone who has suffered the pain of having an NSF proposal rejected because they had “only” four excellent reviews (out of 7) will understand.
My family gets dibs on a share, as would some of my closest friends. For myself personally, a new car, and a house somewhere with a view of mountains and sea would be grand. I must admit, I would have a lot of fun decorating that house and adding some electronic toys without caring the expense. I would also love to travel to all the places on my wish list, which has gotten rather long.
I would give that money to the poor people of the U.S., all the sweat shop workers in China and wherever companies pay workers pennies a day, and I would try to reform our health care system here in the U.S. so that everyone can be treated and doctors couldn’t be sued for every tiny mistake.
With that much money, you could buy the mountain range of your choosing, pay for the construction, and still have enough money left over for a sandwhich.
I’d build myself an evil orbiting space station and from there I’d execute my evil plan to take over the world.
And any corporation or business who makes my list of Evil Businesses will be taken over by me. I’ll fire everyone, ensuring the secretaries, janitors, and hourly grunts have enough money to live well for a number of years, while ensuring the executive asshats don’t get a dime.
I’d pay every single person in the United States $1,500 to dress like Elvis for one specified week. I don’t particularily like Elvis, I just think it’d be a cool thing to see.
Since there are over a billion people in China, and a billion more in India (Say 50% of whom live in poverty, give or take) I think you will find that $450B is not going to go too far in that direction alone. Much less pay for a massive restructuring of the US healthcare system. $450B is alot of money, but it isn’t going to work miracles.
Personally, I’d go for the sailboat and island thing, and then set up a foundation to give most of it away, and found a university.
Hrm…pay off college, build a house, degree #3, a puppy, degree #4, two cats, degree #5, a weaving loom, a pottery wheel, sibling’s college, degree #6, a python, passel of children, music lessons for me, family, friends, photography equipment, tape $100 bills inside random copies of Plato’s Republic and Chem Eng textbooks at college bookstores, degree #7, travel Europe, build a school/give a lot of money to Cranbrook and try to muscle them into letting me teach, pay off my cousin’s horse habit, buy my mom a cabin on Lake Michigan, my dad a house, my aunt a house and set her up so she wouldn’t have to work.
Goodness, and maybe buy a car. Or something. More school. I like school when I’m not going into debt for it.
I’d start a large non-profit company devoted to projects that will revitalize America’s worst-off inner cities, and improve the built environment of suburban areas. No makeshift, little projects here and there; think of what a few BILLION dropped into a place like Gary, Indiana in one year would do.
I’d also start a nation-wide beautification project. I’d buy up all the billboard companies, lobby for federal legislation to ban the things, and tear 'em all town.
A-ha! You fell into my trap! You assume that I don’t have $7T in small unmarked bills buried in waterproof 55 gal Rubbermaid bins buried in my backyard. You know what they say happens when you assume. You make an ass…
Buy Congress.
Waddya mean it’s already been bought?
Okay, I’ll buy it back.
Seriously, I’d try to affect some changes in the political landscape to give the middle class a fighting chance against the monied interests on the right and the fools on the left.
Of course, then I’d be a monied interest too wouldn’t I?
Well, if I gotta, I gotta. sigh
I would also love to travel to all the places on my wish list, which has gotten rather long.