The 1 song your whole life thread got me reminscing about a study break query one of my friends tossed out a few times - what would you do with a billion dollars. After taxes, of course,
I guess it’s not worth as much now as it was in 1990, but add an extra hundred million if you want then. And, let’s say that after taxes, you’ve just had $1,000,000,000 in your bank account - what do you do? Sure a lot more than just throwing a big pizza party, that’s for sure!
Let’s just say that the SDMB would run a hell of a lot quicker…
Step 1, invest 500,000,000
Step 2, Purchase Island
Step 3, Build top secret lair on island
Step 4, Fund nanotech scientist to perfect Medical nanorobots so I can be quasi-immortal
Step 5, Start calculating compound interest over 100’s of years.
Step 6, Find a hobby
Buy a pool table.
First, I’d pay off the house.
Then I’d get me new digs: one in New York, one in London, and one in the Southwest (preferably New Mexico).
Then I’d hire me a travel agent and fly all youze doper types to my place (probably the London place) and I’d hire me some musicians and have a party.
Then I’d take a nap, feed the cats, and go shopping.
Then I’d take a trip to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go. Like maybe that super telescope on that mountain somewhere in South America.
I’d probably be ready for another nap by then.
Then I’d hire a donation guy to make sure my donations were going to truly good places. I’d probably give millions toward my favorite charities.
Then I’d take Tango lessons. And I’d buy a really faaaabulous dress to wear to Argentina where I’d Tango all night with a dashing, tall dancer guy.
I think another nap would be in order about now.
I’d hire someone to type my responses into the SDMB while I gave dictation. And get the siding on my house replaced.
Okay, then I’d buy an island off the coast of Japan with a dormant volcano, hide a secret rocket pad inside, train a bunch of ninjas, steal a Russian and American satellite and make it look like the other side was responsible in each case. Oh, and maniacal laughter classes. And theme music. Gotta have theme music.
I would put an addition on my house, but I’d build it entirely with nickels.
I’d buy mansions in Hong Kong, Thailand, Ireland, England, France, get me a couple of Aston Martins, helicopter lessons, speedboat, and so on… and I hope, hope, hope, I’d have the strength of will to give $900 million away to charities. $100 million’s enough to live of, ain’t it?
I would see how many beautiful women would sleep with me for $1M…
j/k
I would use my money to subvert things I don’t like.
I would pour as much money as legally possible into the effort to defeat Bush.
Give money to non-Clear Channel rock radio stations.
Build a humongous free parking deck right in the middle of downtown DC.
Give Scott Miller (of the Loud Family) $1M to make another album.
Buy the local Hummer dealers and shut them down.
Donate to medical research and children’s hospitals. (ok, that’s not subversive)
Buy prime time advertising blasting the Bush administration for its evildoing.
Lobby for removing tax-exempt status for churches.
Hire somebody to pimpslap each and every Democrat who voted for the war in Iraq and the Medicare bill.
Give a few million to NORML.
Reopen all the Little Tavern hamburger places.
All this, of course, after setting myself up with a stylish bunker in an (undisclosed to the government) location.
Jjimm, I have to tell you that with my little island hideaway you folks with Irish accents working for M make me a little nervous, particularly when you drive your Aston Martin and know how to drive speedboats and helicopters.
Just one question: How do you take your martinis?
Naps sound good, Kalhoun.
Pay off our fairly small debt. Buy a house with extra rooms so all the friends who come with suitcases for four days (this happens pretty frequently, and we’re in a studio apartment. I think it’s funny) will have space. Remodel the kitchen.
Pay off our friend’s (friend’s’s? The grammar escapes me) school debts. Give lots of money to charities, especially Toronto taking-care-of-homeless ones.
Get Mr. Lissar’s godparents a house, and pay for his godfather’s cancer meds.
Buy a lot of copies of books I really love, and give them out to random people. Ditto with cds.
I think I’d keep working my crummy job part-time, and go back to university. Take more bellydance lessons and pay for a hundred years of Mr. Lissar’s karate/kobudo/tai chi lessons. Get high-speed internet.
After some consideration, I think the nice thing about having quite a lot of money is not wondering if I have enough. I honestly don’t think we’d splurge a lot. We’d just get to travel occasionally.
Sorry, that was insufficiently maniacal, right? And buy a thousand neat antique Japanese weapons and hire our friend Rowan to be Mr. Lissar’s Kato and to jump out at him from random locations.
I’ll start wearing more long clingy black dresses and cultivate big hair. No, I won’t. Well, the dresses are okay.
See, Lissla, with your long, clingy dresses you’d be invited to dine at my compound. And I’m sure that we could find some suitable uses for Mr. Lisslar and his trusty sidekick as well.
It’s always the beautiful woman in the long clingy dresses that helps the secret agent spoil my diabolical plans, I know, but for some reason I find that I just can’t help myself.
Two chicks at the same time, man.
Shaken…
Curses! I’m beat before I even start.
[ul]
[li]Hire bodyguards[/li][li]Hire lawyers[/li][li]Hire Accountants[/li][li]Locate sultry, voluptous gold digger looking for a sugar daddy.[/li][li]Set up trust funds for family.[/li][/ul]
I’d buy a nearby township and turn it into my own fiefdom!
I’ll move EVERYBODY out of town. Then tear down all unused or unsafe structures, and enough other buildings to clear at least half the fief of obsolete construction. Rebuild with better housing, small scale industry, ample open space, and City Walls. (And, of course, an appropriately grand manor house.) THEN allow people to move back in, in exchange for the usual liege - vassal obligations.
In particular: Every household must provide a certain amount of services to the fiefdom, such as 3 days each month and two weeks a year. The exact services will vary by the household’s situation. Of course, I can always use loyal guards on the city walls.
(If I’m going to revitalize the township, I’m going to run it my way!)
And, of course, I’ll hire a band of samurai as my elite bodyguard. If I can’t find enough, I’ll hire ninja pirates as well. 
Oooooh, a million each to:
• Half-a-dozen or so friends
• Half-a-dozen or so favorite charities and public institutions (the NY Public Library, Museum of the City of New-York, etc.)
Invest the rest, get nice, small apartments in NY, Phila., L.A. and London, and write write write those books!
I would buy a large house lot in the snootiest part of town - and build a geodesic dome home (cause they’re very energy efficient, would totally piss off the neighbors, and just be really cool!)
Then, after I get Hubby and menagerie moved into new house, I’d call the fire department, and all my friends, and have the world’s best kick-ass party. And at the end of the party, we burn the old house… all the way down to the cracked foundation. <<sniff>> It’d be just beautiful!!