My neighbor was over here tonight with her kids, and her three year old needed a change. She was eating dinner, so she let her five year old daughter change her three year old son’s diaper! And she tells me that she does that all the time!
I just think that’s creepy. Not something to call the cops about, but creepy nonetheless. What do you think?
Do you think it’s unreasonably unpleasant duty or overburdening of responsibility for a five year old? I’m not sure I follow you at all here. Most young children are pretty enthusiastic about caring for the newborns in the family – they get to be the Big Sis or Big Bro and feel responsible and important!
Or do you mean that the baby deserves the attention of someone more likely to know what he/she is doing? I don’t think it’s a task beyond the skill level of a five year old as long as they’ve been walked through it and supervised many times before doing it on their own.
I have a really cute pic of my oldest changing his brother. The oldest was 6 the younger 18 months. He volunteered and did a fine job. I must admit that he never volunteered for poopy duty.
As long as the elder knows what she’s doing, I see no problem.
AHunter, it isn’t a child caring for a newborn – she is 5 and he is 3.
I just think a) it’s too much responsibility for a 5 year old; and b) she is too old to be changing a boy who is so close to her in age.
My son and daughter are both 4 right now, and I plan for them to stop bathing together when she turns 5 (in March). And I find changing a diaper (since she has to clean him off), to be weirder than bathing together.
Maybe I am putting my own views of intersex relations onto kids who are much too young to react the same way… if that makes sense. It just seems creepy to me.
I can’t see anything wrong with it, as long as she knows what she’s doing, and it’s not that hard. Mom gets a helping hand, big sister gets to be useful, who loses?
–I’m willing to bet that 5 year olds have been changing their siblings for a very, very long time.
I’ve got a five year old daughter & a three year old son, and my daughter has often assisted with diaper changing. In fact, watching and helping to change diapers when my son was a baby actually got my daughter over the hurdles of potty training. We’d been working with her, but seeing her baby brother in diapers, I think, gave her the idea that diapers and such were for “babies,” and she was a “big girl” (no, my husband and I did not tell her anything like that…she just saw us changing diapers a lot). A few weeks after her brother was born, she just chucked the pull-up pants and never looked back. 
I dunno Cessandra. I think kids would be best raised in a casual clothing-optional environment where they’d see people of various ages and both sexes without clothes in a variety of contexts. But you’re the mommy and they are your kids.
I don’t see anything creepy about this at all. As long as the 5-year-old knows what she’s doing, what’s the big deal? Older brothers and sisters have been helping take care of younger siblings since the dawn of time. I think it’s important- it helps a bond develop between the children, and teaches the older ones some responsibility.
I think you may be putting your own intersex views onto this situation. There is absolutely nothing sexual about changing a diaper, or helping Mom take care of Baby Bro. I seriously doubt a five or a three y.o. would interpret this in a sexual way at all. (I doubt most adults would this of this in a sexual way, either.) What’s the problem? Are you worried the older kid will start asking questions about why her brother’s genitals are different from hers? Personally, I think this would be a good learning experience. Genitalia does not automatically = sex, you know. Why try to teach the kid that naked = dirty, wrong, and bad? I have to agree with AHunter3 on this. My parents were like this- I grew up thinking the naked human body was a horrible ugly thing of which to be ashamed and afraid.
But they’re your kids, so do what you feel is best.
Well, ratty, the’re not really her kids. If you re-read the OP, she is speaking of neighbors’ kids.
As to the OP, I don’t see any harm in this womans behavior.
Not unless she was licking his balls too. I’m jus sayin.
Dude…WTF…really…not what I needed to see…I mean jeeze man…don’t do that
Count me in the “not creepy” camp.
I have a six year old daughter and a three year old son. My daughter loves to change his diaper (when he wears one–which is usually only at bedtime, since we’re potty training). It makes her feel very grown-up and responsible. It’s not a burden to her at all. But then, if she sees me getting ready to wash the bathroom floor she begs me to let her do it. It’s work to us, but it’s exotic, wonderful, grownup stuff to kids. (And yes, I do let her. It takes an hour for the floor to dry afterwards, but what the heck.)
I also don’t see the sexual issue here. But that’s probably because you can also count me in the “nothing wrong with your body” camp. While I think my kids do need to understand what appropriate behavior is, I don’t want to make them feel that some part of their body is wrong or dirty. Kids in our house are clothing-optional. The three year old is usually naked, and my daughter is usually dressed (being older and more mature) but ocassionally spends an afternoon in her underpants. Which is fine–she’s only six, after all. As they get older, that will change–but so will they, and so will their understanding and conception of the world.
Of course, as others have said, in your own family you get to set the rules, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We all basically want the same thing for our kids–for them to grow up healthy and happy–and we go about it different ways, and that’s cool.
I don’t find it creepy, and can relate to being a big sister changing diapers. The only time I’d have a problem with this, is when the diaper changer has not volunteered. I think there’s a difference between the daughter (or son) wanting to help with the baby, and a lazy parent who can’t be bothered. If the focus is on helping out, rather than an enforced responsibility, I think it’s an endearing gesture on the child’s part.
I remember feeling proud that my mom would trust me to change my younger brothers’ diapers on occasion. I was well potty-trained by then (or that’s my story anyway), but I think Persephone makes a great point as well.
Not creepy, as long as there is no licking, as thoughtfully pointed out above. I think it’s a bit odd the kid is still wearing diapers at 3, but maybe kids in my family mature faster.
Don’t most people wipe down the baby’s genitals/bum, even if it’s just wet with urine? I don’t think it’s appropriate for the sister to be wiping her brother’s genitals.
If I’m changing a diaper, I wipe, even if it’s not a BM. I know a couple of mothers who didn’t for just a wet diaper and when they were changing the kid’s diaper (or when I did it), it stank badly.
I don’t think it’s necessarily beyond a five-year-old’s capacity to change a diaper, but it seems like it would be pretty difficult for a five-year-old to change a three-year-old. The idea that creeps me out is a five-year-old changing a diaper, doing a messy job of it, and not cleaning up properly afterward.
Agreed- In my own family I have never seen a child older than 2 and half with a diaper on- but alot of my friends families kids are still in diapers at 3- but i guess it depends on the kid- I hate people who force kids that aren’t ready to potty train to start.
Fionn: I get the feeling this was a wet diaper, not a dirty diaper.
Dominic had a lot of trouble getting potty trained, and was only really fully trained at about age 4.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with the kid changing a wet diaper. A poopie diaper I think would be a bit much (for sanitary reasons) but wet wouldn’t faze me. I also don’t see a problem with wiping. I don’t think that washing is a sexual activity and I seriously doubt that a 5 or 3 year old would think of it that way. Heck, my son used to love to come in and wash my back when I was in the tub, or help me shampoo my hair.
To be perfectly honest, to me, that’s creepy right there.
I can’t even get my head around the sentiment to be honest.
What constellations of the family would be appropriate if you look at it that way?