5 year old not displaying handedness and potential learning delay

In My Humble Opinion
1

My son is 5. He has yet to really display a true handedness. We’ve known for a while and have been watching but mostly letting nature take it’s course.

Now we are looking at kindergarten in 9 months and realizing that he might not be keeping up with his peers in numbers and letters. His language skills and personality are awesome. Athletically he’s fine. Yesterday, on his own, he moved a bunch of couch cushions to the bottom of the stairs so he could slid down on his bottom and jump onto them. He looks at you and smiles when he talks and jokes around. He can be funny and sarcastic. In all reality he just might not be that interested in numbers and letters right now.

We think our first step will be to focus more (every-night) on letters and numbers for a month and also bring in colors and shapes and watch for improvement. My feeling is that kids can usually pick things up quickly if done regularly.

I’ve just started researching cross-midline activities that we can incorporate into the sessions for fun.

If after a month we still think there is a problem we will look for options.

Keep in mind we don’t really know if this is related, but does anyone have any experience with anything like this. What did you do? Were the issues related?

2

To be honest, unless you think there is an actual developmental delay, don’t approach this from a deficit model. Continue to keep a language enriched environment, lots of books (including letting them see you reading), cuddling and having so much fun reading, pointing out words in authentic spaces (can you point to the first letter on the box of your favorite cereal?).

Verbal ability, reading readiness, receptive language etc are different things, and develop at their own pace.

I speak from experience that you run the risk, no matter how careful you are, of telegraphing a deficit and sucking the joy out of language and reading.

3

I have a child with Autism, speech delays and gross and fine motor skills delays. I am NOT saying that your child is the same way. That said, the biggest thing I regret about our experience with school and my child is that I didn’t get help when I first suspected something might be off. We first suspected she was delayed when she was two. She didn’t talk very much. We thought it was because we let her get away with pointing too much so we just focused on making her use her words more. Then, she didn’t potty train and we explained that away as that she was just stubborn. And she didn’t play with other kids but maybe she was just shy. She had weird sensory things but all kids have weird issues with noise sometimes, right? And she’d have meltdowns over tiny things but she’s just a dramatic child. When she turned four and still wasn’t potty trained, I saw school was coming and finally knew I had to do something. And that’s when we found out how far behind she was. We explained away a lot but if we had got with our initial instincts, she might have been able to get speech and occupational therapy earlier and been able to catch up more. As it is now, she’s 6 and she’s thriving but there’s still things that she can’t do as well as her peers that I just wish I hadn’t drug my feet.

So, I suppose the point I’m getting at is that there really isn’t any harm in contacting the early childhood development branch of your local school district or in your county and asking for an evaluation. It’s free and it gives you access to resources if you need it.

4

What does the pediatrician say? If you haven’t talked to him/her about this, that would be my first step.

Second, they all go at their own pace. When my son was 5, he couldn’t reliably count to 20. I was terrified he’d be the worst kid at math at his school. Then he decided numbers were interesting, and within three months, he was adding and subtracting and multiplying. But here’s the deal: I don’t think he got smarter or more capable. I think he got interested. And if he’d been interested a little earlier or a little later, it would have all worked out the same in the end.

Finally, recently the stakes for “normal” as far as reading and writing have been pushed way back. We expect kids to start Kinder at about where they used to be by Christmas in 1st grade. But I don’t know of any research that says reading before 6 has long term impacts on academic skills.

But I absolutely agree that getting expert evaluations is a good idea.

5

Why is it a problem if he’s ambidexterous?

6

That’s the question.

Is it part of a larger issue? Are the two issues independent? Are kids with crossed laterality more prone to delays? Are there things we should be doing to strengthen connections within the brain that might help him later. How do we help develop fine motor skills when we don’t even know how to hand him a pencil? I think most children display some handedness at 3 but some can take until 5 or 6. Is that good, bad, completely normal?

We’re not fretting about it. We don’t think he has any type of disability. I’m also not a early childhood education expert so for all I know this could be chapter 2 of the textbook and my wife and I are oblivious to it.

I was kind of hoping the Dope would have someone with a little experience.

7

I’d ask your pediatrician. He or she can refer you to a specialist if needed. Most of the time it’s just a matter of maturation, but asking can only help. One thing you didn’t mention - has he been going to preschool or daycare? If so, have they noted any concerns? Also, is he young for his class? In kids that age, six or seven months can make a difference, though it sounds like socially and emotionally he’s doing great.

If you do start going through letters and numbers, I’d echo the above and suggest you not drill him in any way shape or form - just let it be some fun activity than can morph into something else because kids that age have a really short attention span and he’ll know something’s up and will know you think he’s broken if you go about it like you’re trying to fix something.

And, as for the handedness - I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Definitely bring it up, but chances are he’ll settle on one or the other hand when he starts writing more. As someone who’s also ambidextrous, I write mostly with my right hand because it’s just easier when it comes to avoiding smudging and because most school supplies are made for righties; however, being able to write left-handed came in handy with teaching my son to write (he’s firmly in the lefty category).

8

I’m in my 50’s and I’m still not strongly handed. I startled someone at work today by writing on a clipboard with my left hand instead of my right (I had a teacher very early in life who was upset I didn’t show a preference and told me I had to choose a hand to write with - for one of the few times in my life I went with what the majority did). I kept my mother’s sewing scissors - the left-handed ones almost no one else can use - but also have right-handed scissors. I started knitting left handed because my left-handed mother taught me, but now I can knit equally well right handed and usually do it that way because that’s how most patterns are written. I do have a slight preference for the right for writing (which might be due to habit and practice) but I’m a left handed shooter. I taught myself how to make nets, then not two weeks later flipped it all around to teach a left handed friend how to do it. And so on.

I also was a National Merit Scholar, my senior year of high school I was taking 4 AP courses and received full college credit for all of them.

Ambidexterity does not mean there is a learning disability.

However, some learning disabilities are associated with not having a hand preference. Meaning, many with this or that disability are likely to not have a hand preference. Again, that does NOT mean everyone who isn’t strongly handed has a disability.

So not having a strong hand preference by itself isn’t an indication of anything. You have to view it in context. Follow the suggestions about making letters and numbers fun and see where you are in six months. Kids do vary in when certain skills come “on line”.

Offer the pencil on an open palm and let him choose which hand to pick it up with?

9

Sounds like a great kid. What was the problem again? Oh right, he thinks letters and numbers are boring and he doesn’t care which hand he uses to do all those great kid things he does. What are these things these other pre-K kids are doing so well that yours doesn’t?

10

Pediatrician but not YOUR pediatrician, so take with a shaker full of salt. Some great advice already given here.

One of the additional bits of information I’d want to know is if there is any family history of learning disabilities, especially in regards to reading. That could show up only as adults who read fine now but are horrific spellers.

I’d also want to know if the observation is not having a hand preference or having a much harder time telling his right from his left than his peers.

If there is no strong family history of reading disability and it is more hand preference I would, presented with a similar story in my office, lean to the not to worry side. (Difficulty with knowing your right from your left is associated with reading disability, and reading disability has a strong familial component. Being ambidextrous is not, that I’ve heard of anyway.)

Development is NOT necessarily linear and as pointed out the expectations we currently have of reading skill level by KG entry are both recent and not predictive of future achievement. Sooner does not mean better or getting farther. One personal vignette is my own oldest (now 34 and in his psychiatry residency) who finished KG barely knowing his letters, himself upset because his friends were all readers by then. One month into first grade it just clicked and he could not only read but could at several grades higher levels, basically overnight. Not linear. More like hit a big step on a staircase.

Development is also not evenly distributed. The average child averages out to be average at any particular point but is unlikely to be average on any specific developmental channel. There is a certain amount of developmental energy they have to distribute into the different buckets, and more in one leaves less for the other.

His language and social skills being strong … more than anything else, his sense of humor and creativity being strengths … portends better than if he could name letters and numbers right now.

A study I’ve always wanted to see is one that actually codifies the humor milestones and correlates hitting those milestones with future outcomes. My bet and anecdotal experience is that it correlates better than any other track. A kid advanced in their humor milestones is one to mark for possible gifted needs later, and one delayed will more likely than not eventually need extra educational services. No matter if they know their letters and numbers early or late.

Meanwhile the what to do (I’d say, presented with a similar story in the office) is less trying to drum in the letters and numbers but keeping up the language activities, especially reading to him lots and creative play. Modelling clay is good for building fine motor strength that you use for writing.

11

Wow, this is exactly what the school told my parents.

I tended to randomly use either hand. It was a problem because I was clumsy and awkward with both hands.

The school counselors recommended a lot of crafts to develop hand eye coordination. I had a wood burning kit, paint by numbers, all kinds of things. It did help.

They also recommended focusing on the right hand. I remember they wanted me to make a choice and stick with it.

I’m still not good at very detailed work. My hand writing is embarrassing. I learned to type in 10th grade. I turned in all my English papers typed to avoid penmanship penalties.

I struggled to get through a required drafting course in college. I’d spend three hours on a drawing and still get accused of just rushing through the assignment. My lines weren’t a uniform width. I had eraser smudges. I worked my rear end off passing that class. The other students considered it an easy A.:rage:

12

Btw, I did really well in science and math. I did well in History. I had to work harder for my grades in English and social science courses

13

Hi There - I work as a pediatric/school-based OT, however, not in early intervention. I work with students aged 5 - 22. With that said, I’ll offer my take based upon the info you have provided. I’d like to ask how “5” is your son - 5 and how many months? Not that it’ll matter too much with regard to what I will write. Just that if he is a newly minted 5, please don’t give concerns about handedness/hand dominance another thought. Some kids just take their time with working this out and if by 1st grade he isn’t at least beginning to form upper case manuscript somewhat legibly, then maybe look in to a formal evaluation. And that is even being somewhat overly concerned, IMHO. It doesn’t/won’t matter if he begins practicing letter formation switching between hands as he continues to work out hand preference - what I pay attention to at this stage is development of appropriate grasp/grip on pencils/crayons. Can he achieve a functional grasp? And 5 year olds generally don’t demonstrate beautiful tripod grasps on pencils - it takes time, even when they do have a hand preference. Does he self-feed successfully? - i.e., is his grasp on eating utensils functional?

“Athletically he’s fine” - great, no gross motor concerns.
“He looks at you and smiles” “language skills…are awesome” - no communication concerns. About 80% of this kids on my caseload also receive services from a Speech Language Pathologist. Fine Motor/Visual Perceptual/Visual Motor deficits often seem to go hand-in-hand with communication deficits or disorders.
“We think our first step will be to focus more (every-night) on letters and numbers for a month and also bring in colors and shapes and watch for improvement.” My first thought/reaction to this is it sounds kinda heavy to have what I would consider a short timeline for demonstrating progress. How much improvement from baseline would you be expecting in one month?
In the kindest way, I’d like to say that when you referred to your plans for learning enrichment with your son as “sessions”, I cringed a bit. I am glad you are focused on making the time “fun”. I highly recommend viewing this time as play time.
At 5, I don’t expect kids to sequence the alphabet (though some do). I would expect some letter recognition of upper case - especially the letters of their own name. Don’t worry about where his peers are at - kids pick things up at wildly different paces in the early elementary years.
Your son sounds incredibly developmentally normal from what you’ve written. I’d go with letting nature take its course. He’ll be screened before Kindergarten begins - generally by OT and SLP - as it is protocol in public schools.
Just give him a bunch of opportunities to further explore hand dominance - get out the kid scissors (bilateral hand skills) and make a garland out of construction paper. 5 year olds love crafting with Perler beads (fine motor). Play board games. Do puzzles. Watch Sesame Street a lot (repetition). Read to him, read to him, and then read to him some more.
Again, based on the info provided, don’t worry.

14

Hey, I have one of those too! Except mine didn’t read until 4th grade and is now finishing his last year of psychiatry residency and heading into a Child and Adolescent fellowship.

Fortunately we got him into a public school Montessori classroom environment first grade on and he did well-the pieces all fell into place and his teachers looked at the whole kid and said “he’s doing great, the reading will come”. It didn’t hurt, of course, that he had a great pediatrician who told us worried parents not to worry. Here’s where I will throw out an idea to go along with the do-a-lot-of-art-and-craft-activities suggestions: invest in Legos, lots of Legos. They are great for hand and eye work as well as creativity and just plain fun while actually learning hand/eye and fine motor. As a parent your only problem, besides paying for them, will be getting him to put them up to come to supper or go to bed. That and stifling your screams when you step on one of them in the dark.

This, several times over. With language and social skills, creativity and especially humor strong, he will be more than fine.

Again, exactly what proved out with my 3. Be ready to advocate for gifted services, he will need them. In the mean time, talk to him, read to him, read with him, read in front of him yourself. Never let him see you without a book in reach “in case we have to wait a few minutes”. Have a party when he comes home with his very own library card.

Yes. Don’t have a corrective plan, like others have said, that sends a ‘something about you is broken’ message, no matter how hard you try not to. Read, play, do art, cook together (lots of number concepts in cooking). Take things apart and fix them.

So, 3 out of three experienced grizzled grownups agree, don’t worry. But do come back when you need to hear that again.

15

Hey! Who you calling grownup?!?

:grinning:

16

A guy who got a kid into and through medical school and then, OMG, residency matching. If that don’t grizzle you, nothing will.

17

To the OP, is your child in day care? Just anecdotal, but an experience day care or kindergarten teacher should be able to spot if your child is outside the norm. Consider them more of “I see smoke, recommend you go to specialists to confirm if there is fire” kinda thing. It’s not definitive, but I would put some weight on their opinion if it’s in the pretty normal range or an outlier.

I have a child on the autism spectrum. We lived in China and I remember seeing a Chinese pediatrician, who about 2 minutes in to a check up said “pretty obvious to me the diagnosis should be autism.” I wish I had listened then. Same as a pre-school teacher than said something similar.

18

Thanks everyone, I wasn’t really asking for a pep talk but it’s always great to rehear the “kids go at their own pace” examples.

I had to do a little self reflection (based on some of your comments) on his circumstances vs. his older brother (Completely different kids with completely different personalities).
He is doing one less day of preschool/daycare. Due to Covid my wife switched her weekend to weekdays, so less daycare and less two-parent time. I think screen time has probably gradually shifted away from educational shows and toward his older brothers tastes. Same with in-car conversations. I used to do a lot more number and alphabet games in the car while we were driving. In short, we’re going to try and get back to incorperating learning into our day to day more.

I think we will try and incorporate some type of crossing the midline activities for the whole family. It can’t hurt. We are in the middle of winter in a pandemic, indoor exercises and activities aren’t a bad thing.

Thanks Again

19

Hooray! More Legos! More jigsaw puzzles! More Jenga! More throwing things indoors!

Fun, fun. Bonding (building resiliency). Banking good memories. Everybody wins!

20

Yeah, kids develop at their own pace, and you shouldn’t be overly hung up on “milestones.” But neither should you ignore potential issues and just assume things will take care of themselves.

One of our kids had/has sensory integration dysfunction - on the shallow end of the spectrum. His situation is not your kid’s, but my kid did not like to cross his centerline, and did not read/draw until late - largely b/c he disliked the feel of some paper. He lso has some issues WRT social cues.

Take advantage of the resources available. Talk to your pediatrician. Our school district has some pre-K screening, and my kid went to a pre-K program. Once in school, he received OT. After a while, we decided we could do the OT ourselves, and he would benefit more from being pulled out of classes. And our county health dept had some programs we made use of.

Long story short, he is a happily married aero engineer, avid skiier, and RP game developer.

So don’t sweat it overmuch, but don’t ignore it either. Listen to the experts who have posted above.