My 5 year-old son will be starting kindergarten this fall. He’s now in preschool, where he receives physical and occupational (fine motor) therapies. He has problems with those 2 things, plus “they” say he’ll have problems with reading also. He may (probably does) have attention deficit disorder, without hyperactivity.
I have 2 older boys who have above-average intellects and have never had any problems with school. This younger one has at least ‘average’ intelligence, is not retarded or anything. He’s linguistically and musically gifted.
At a recent meeting with his preschool teachers, they suggested that I meet with his teachers, et al, at his new school before the year starts. (His preschool is in an elementary school, but it’s not his neighborhood school.) He will be in a “regular” classroom, and may have a “helper” come in with him for a couple hours a week. I’m concerned about the stigma this may produce for him.
Have any of you had to deal with this? I’ve been a staunch advocate for him for most of his life, and will continue to be.
Never having done this before, I have no idea who all I should meet with, what my concerns should be, what I should talk about! And the preschool teachers don’t seem to know exactly, but tell me that the principal at his new school is not known to give a crap about special-needs children or their families.
Any ideas?
My credentials: I’m the mother of a 16 year old who’s spent plenty of time dealing with special ed. My daughter also received both Physical and Occupational Therapy through her school in elementary school. And she was pulled out of her regular classes for special ed help with both reading and math throughout grades 1 - 5. My advice to a parent of a special ed kid is to make sure that you list “being out of special ed” as a goal on the kid’s IEP. My girl (whose diagnosis is moderate-to-severe Cerebral Palsy, BTW) is now an honor-student 10th grader in a magnet school for the literary arts. We were able to pull her out of Special Ed officially in the 8th grade – she does still get some physical concessions; a wheelchair lift bus and a second set of schoolbooks to keep at home to eliminate some of the weight of her backpack, but she hasn’t received any academic special ed since the 5th grade. And there’s no certain way of knowing how a kindergardener is going to develop in the long run – my daughter had fairly major difficulties early in her academic career, especially with learning to read and basic math skills. There was talk of diagnosising her officially with non-specified visual-percepual learning disabilities, but we never got around to it. Then, in about the 3rd grade, she seemed to clear some kind of academic hurdle and started to make serious gains quite quickly. She was able to drop special ed reading in grade 4 and math in grade 5. And, because we had leaving special ed as a goal, we were able to remove her officially from special ed in the 8th grade. She hasn’t recieved less than a B as a grade in any class since the 6th grade, BTW.
Also, unless your son really needs a lot of assistance, I would recommend against allowing him to have a personal aide. Someone who comes in a couple of hours a week would be fine – more than likely there will be other kids with similar situations. We found that, in elemnetary school especially, there wasn’t a great deal of stigma attached to special ed. But a full-time aide was a real barrier. We never allowed Doe to have one, even though she had some fairly serious mobility issues. We just worked around them as best we could.
Good luck – if you have any more specific questions I’m happy to help on or off the boards. My email address is in my profile.
Howdy,
If you were in my state, here’s what I’d tell you.
“He’s now in preschool, where he receives physical and occupational (fine motor) therapies. He has problems with those 2 things, plus “they” say he’ll have problems with reading also.”
Yes, those things can be connected.
“At a recent meeting with his preschool teachers, they suggested that I meet with his teachers, et al, at his new school before the year starts.”
Do this. Make a copy of his IEP and evaluation information (PT report, OT report, progress report on his IEP goals). Call the school he’s going to next year and ask to set up a meeting with his teacher for next year (even if they don’t have him assigned, they should be able to tell you a likely teacher for kids with IEPs.) Give the information on to that teacher, spend no more than 20 minutes telling her about your son. Build a good relationship.
“He will be in a “regular” classroom, and may have a “helper” come in with him for a couple hours a week.”
What level of “help” does he have now? If it isn’t written in the IEP, he may not get it.
“I’m concerned about the stigma this may produce for him.”
You have to balance “stigma” versus your son not getting what he needs. Stigma is less of a concern at the kindergarten level. Kids don’/t pay much attention to other kids leaving the classroom or getting extra help.
Be nice, but advocate for your son.
Whistlepig
I was an aide to a kindergartner who has autism. The other kids (5 and 6 year olds) were fully aware that I was there for their classmate, but they didn’t think it was strange or bad - they thought it was nice that there was someone to help him(they also liked to help him!). I don’t think most kindergarteners are jaded enough to be negatively judgemental about another student having an aide; if anything, jealousy that your son gets extra attention might spring up, which is another problem entirely.
I was in speech therapy in kindegarten, and the teacher would always give me giant cookies for being good. Upon my return to the the regular classroom, I would get beseiged by the other kids who wanted cookies too. The unfairness was enough to make some of the kids cry!
Just wanted to share this special special ed memory.
Just a recommendation, but you should definitely check out the resources offered by NICHCY: www.nichcy.org .
My daughter has had assistance with “spatial cognizance” - apparently she gets over-stimulated in certain settings and has impulse control problems. (I say apparently because, while she definitely has impulse control issues, I am not convinced that spatial dissonance is the cause - I do, however, appreciate the one on one attention she qualified for as a result of the diagnosis - I think she needed a firm, structured environment).
As a result of the review/diagnosis, she qualified for a free program, sponsored by the county, for in-class monitoring. Between the monitoring and just growing into a more socialized atmosphere and being out of her Terrible 2’s, she is gotten MUCH better.
As a result of this work, my wife has taken a chair on a panel that reviews cases for monitoring sponsorship with the county.
Bottom line - the other posters have done a great job pointing things out, namely:
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Stigma is FAR less of an issue than getting the right assistance - true overall but especially at this age.
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Special Ed is NOT the same as diminished capacity or retardation or whatever - my daughter is off the charts smart - the probably is that that carries with it some behavioral issues that need to be nipped in the bud.
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You MUST assume that NO ONE is looking out for your child as well as you - do ALL the research and write things down and push for sponsored programs and advocate for intervention when you think it is appropriate. My wife stumbled onto the free programs - even teachers didn’t know about them - she was talking with some moms who knew moms who had kids who needed help. In other words, network heavily (with parents, teachers, county educators - ANYONE!) and turn yourself into an expert.
You can really use the system to your advantage and obtain some really great help for your kid. Good luck, stick with it, turn over all the rocks you can and don’t be afraid to ask questions of anybody.
I don’t have children, but from my husband’s experience, it’s better to be in the regular classroom with an aide than to be put in a specific special ed. class. For most of his school life, he wasn’t able to be in the classroom with his friends. It really made him feel like an outcast, and like people thought he was stupid. He still takes it personally whenever, even jokingly, someone says “that was stupid” to him, or anything about special ed. As a successful salesperson, it’s a part of his life he’d desperately like to put behind him.
Good luck!
My credentials: I’m a prof at a psych prof at a small liberal arts college.
Other Credentials: My wife and I are staunch advocates for organizations like Easter Seals and Make-A-Wish.
I would highly, highly, recommend Trblmker - you seek out the local easter seals near you. They pay people to help parents like you and children like yours.
Other bits of advice. Make sure your older boys are your youngest best friends. This will help a lot. Trust me. Educate everyone in your family. Including you, the matriarch. Oh and one more thing:
Thats Developed Mentally Delayed. Learn that now. One is never called retarded. Good luck with all your future endeavors.
Actually, while it is a good thing to avoid giving deliberate offense to people, there are such a profusion of different terms out there that an absolute rule against most of them is probably never accurate.
Deb worked for the Hattie Larlham Foundation for over a dozen years (working with the Portage County Board of Mental Retardation & Developmental Disabilities for most of that time, and neither of those organizations shied away from the terms mental retardation or mentally retarded.
(This is different than the playground epithet REE-tard, of course.)
Given the wide variety of terms in use, we have encountered different individuals who have become overly agitated by the use of one term or phrase or another, but it is generally more helpful to simply discover the phrase currently used by the group with which one is working than to lay down absolute rules.
Our daughter, for example, is generally identified (among other ways) in our school district as developmentally handicapped (I have never actually encountered developed mentally delayed before.), but she is not actually considered retarded only because her symptoms and diagnosis are focused in other areas.
I vote with others that the aide can be a really good thing in the lower grades. (My son did not develop an attitude about having a “helper” until about the time he hit puberty.) Certainly, the aide should be working to make herself or himself unecessary–as should the whole team–but initially, the aide could be a real blessing.
[QUOTE=Phlosphr]
Thats Developed Mentally Delayed. QUOTE]
I thought it was “developmentally delayed,” as in someone who has delayed development.
My older son has motor development issues that have meant he’s had an assistant of some sort for a few hours a week since preschool. Now he qualifies for a laptop computer at school because he has enough trouble with handwriting that longer assignments are a problem.
There has never been any stigma attached to this. Partly I think because his preschool and school have been so great about presenting this in a positive light - teachers and other school folks in general have become more aware of how they discuss such issues with children - and partly because many more kids qualify for special assistance now than did when we were small. Two of flodjunior’s classmates also have laptops, for instance, and at least one other has an assistant a few hours a week. (Because of privacy laws I do not know why these kids qualify.)
So I really agree with the others - continuing to get the extra help will cause far, far fewer problems than letting your son’s problems continue. In first grade it’s not likely the other kids will think that the “helper’s” presence is strange at all.